Tom Brady's got it all: Three Super Bowl rings, an MVP, one of the hottest women on Earth, and more Benjamins than any Diddy song could imagine.
Okay, maybe not all. He recently gave some of his manhood away.
The Golden Boy signed with UGG Australia to sponsor the popular shoe choice of many a Beverly Hills preteen girl, the UGG boot. Deckers Outdoor Corporation Chairman and CEO Angel Martinez says, "[Brady] embodies the stylish casual attitude that is at the foundation of every product we make."
Men, on the other hand, say, "Wow, when's your Sweet 16?"
With Brady on board, fashion websites have rained fury down on the quarterback and have dug up as many fashion fails by athletes as possible. Some are with clothes, some are with tattoos, and some make Brady look manlier than Paul Bunyan.
So who tops Brady on the embarrassment meter?
Just face facts; the man dresses like he should be selling poetry on a freeway on-ramp. It's hard to believe that sleeves are optional when he steps into Kohl's.
Also, the whole outfit looks like a tunic à la Link of Nintendo fame.
Beating up a candy cane doesn't seem like a good idea, but don't tell that to Rose.
Although, because the Bulls didn't draft him, he looked entirely out of place. Red isn't allowed in Denver; just ask Avalanche fans.
Is it just me, or does it seem like Davis wears a karate gi decked out in Raiders paraphernalia every time he exits his hyperbolic chamber?
Regardless, his head could make this list on its own. A kid thought he was playing Operation and ended up mangling the owner's face. Nice work.
He's the fanciest bee in the hive, about to celebrate his Prom King victory. Unfortunately, he ruined it by wearing a Nelly-esque Band-Aid.
Seriously, even Russell Westbrook can't bear to look at him. Readers, roll your eyes with him.
Nationalism is one thing. Wrapping yourself in a flag and donning pajama pants while on the links is an atrocity.
It's so blatantly awful, his blonde-tipped 'do and T-Pain shades almost fly under the radar. Almost.
Nearly every athlete has a tattoo of something or another, so from a distance, Stevenson's aren't a big deal. But that's exactly what he wants you to do: stay away.
Why? Well, if you look close, you notice he has a Pittsburgh Pirates "P" on his cheek...backwards. His reasoning? If you stand far away enough, it looks the same.
Not sure which is more hideous: The clear use of PEDs, the one-legged unitard, or the Quailman underwear.
Luckily (or not), Flo Jo decided to combine all three into a pink pandemic. Oh, and don't forget the secretary nails, for the coup de grâce.
Who knew Waldo left his career of hiding in children's books to design hockey uniforms?
For a team with the great history of the Canadiens, this is just sad. It looks like what mother put on their five-year-olds on the first day of Kindergarten.
How could the NFL allow these jerseys to exist? Even worse, how could they allow them to ruin the threshold of throwbacks?
Encouraging players to dress like this gives fans the idea that vomiting on themselves is just a cost-effective move to get more color in their wardrobe.
A quick look at this picture, and the crimes abound. The skull cap that looks like an eraser, the Charlotte's Web tattoo, and the facial hair even Don Imus would love are nothing to write home about.
The real issue is his chest hair. It's shaved into an arrow. I'm pretty sure his next tattoo will be below the arrow saying "I'm with stupid."
Apparently, Noah's hairstylist moonlights as a poodle, because no one in their right mind would approve that outfit for draft night.
Well, maybe Bruce Bowen. He loves the bow-tie.
The Urkel hair cut and stop light from Wonderland tie almost make the puke-green pinstripe suit unnoticeable.
Once Primetime refers to himself in the third person, however, you will have to look around to ignore his ego. That's when your eyes start to bleed.
There's a reason short-shorts went out of NBA style years ago. Bringing them back in a 20-point loss to the hated Celtics just added insult to injury.
As a general rule, underwear shouldn't stick out of shorts. It looks likes they should just flip the script and make the shorts into boxers.
The mullet? Bad.
The perm? Bad.
Combine them? Eastern Conference All-Star Jaromir Jagr give it a thumbs-up.
Sadly, even the follicles on his thumb are permed, so we won't show them.
Sager has graced NBA sidelines with these kind of suits for quite some time, and players have had to look away just to stay in the game.
This suit, however, is special. He killed NBC's peacock for the tie and pocket square and hit up Prince's closet for the rest.
A repeat offender, Daly must wake up in the morning, swirl his Trix yogurt around, and yell "Make me look like that!"
And his acid-tripping magic mirror must reply, "Awesome, bro."
At no point is playing tennis shirtless okay when Teen Wolf is jealous of your chest. That happy trail goes on for days.
Gotta imagine Willow Smith wrote "Whip My Hair" after seeing this picture.
For those readers who hate the Black Mamba, view this as karma. He looks like a black Mr. Belvedere.
He claimed they Photoshopped most of the pictures, but maybe his real childhood dream was to dress like an orthodox Pilgrim.
Yes, Michael Jackson is an idol (not read: role model) for many people. Imitating him, however, is not advised.
Sadly, Sosa never got the memo. Bleaching his skin, Sosa scared Casper into a coma. When asked why he did it, we have to assume he responded the same way he did to Congress: No hablo Inglés.
He's soccer's million dollar man and one of the most attractive men on Earth, judging by his slew of interchangeable women.
This outfit is doing everything it can to change those perceptions. If they remake Top Gun and make Perez Hilton the star, he'd be wearing this the entire time.
Looks normal, right? Wrong. His facial hair immediately trumps all his other clothing choices.
Someone forgot his World War II rules. Anything reminiscent of Hitler is unacceptable, even for basketball's Jesus.
If this were a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker, you'd probably say, "Not bad."
So, Mr. Favre, just know you dress like a horse. Congrats.
Rumor has it that you can unfold this suit and play Sorry! on it. It even has the bubble to roll the dice.
Also, he must go to the barber ship and ask for a two all over. And I mean ALL OVER.
Rodman has a cornucopia of terrible outfits, but this picture seems to wrap it all into one transvestite-shaped ball.
The fake eyelashes, the gigantic earrings, the feather boa and silver hair probably made him the first choice over Cher for Burlesque. He couldn't be worse of an actress than her.
(Note: I didn't see Burlesque.)
Costa doesn't make headlines for his fighting most the time. He prefers to let his tattoos speak louder than his actions.
Most people would assume having a swastika on his chest would be his least endearing ink. Look at little lower, and notice how he alienates himself from the fairer sex with a tat that reads "I Have A Small Penis."
Bravo! Costa's a winner!