Predictions for The College Football Games Nobody Will Watch

Patrick ParsonsAnalyst IJanuary 16, 2017

Northwestern @ Syracuse- (11)

There is only one word in the english language to describe Syracuse football: pitifully-hanging-on-for-dear-life-embarrassment-on-a-stick.  Northwestern steams by Syracuse, unless Gerry McNamara puts on a jersey and starts throwing Hail Marys like halfcourt heaves...

Northwestern- 35-7


Oklahoma St. @ Washington St

A lot of people are picking WSU for the win despite OSU being favored. But the Big 12, with the exception of Baylor, will be undefeated this weekend, and Zac Robinson will have a great game to open the season.

Ok State- 41-20


Towson @ Navy

Definitely the game of the week in my book. Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada was ruled out with an injury, and will not play in this game, which is big news for the announcer of the game who just breathed a sigh of relief.  Let's all be happy for him.

Navy- 28-6


Western Michigan @ Nebraska

Nebraska opens their season, and Joe Ganz will have one of the following: eight touchdown, or eight interceptions.  I wonder which one it will be.

Nebraska- 49-13


Texas Southern Vs. Prairie View A&M (The Labor Day Classic!)

Texas Southern, 0-11 last year, brought in Bobby Reid from Oklahoma St. and they have high hopes. I don't know which is a better reason to go to the game, the marching band battle, Bobby Reid trying to save his career, or the amazing turkey legs that the hidden vendor mama has for $2.

Texas Southern- 35-28 (Over under for my turkey legs eaten, +/- 19)


Utah @ Michigan

Michigan will win, because freshman tailback Sam McGuffie, from Houston, Texas will hurdle everybody. I was thrown out of my high-school's playoff game against McGuffie's Cy Fair for starting the chant "Hey ref, stop blowing Mcguffie, and start blowing your whistle". Later that night, Sam McGuffie denied my facebook friend request.

Michigan- 32-27


Memphis @ Mississippi

Jevan Snead will finally enjoy not being stuck behind a crappy quarterback whose name is associated with horses. He will lead Mississippi to the win.

Mississippi- 34-13


Western Illinois @ Arkansas

Go McFadden & Jones!!! Woohoo. Yes, I know that they are no longer on the team, but I'd rather play last year's NCAA football than watch this game. At least this way I can run for 11 touchdowns and pass for 3 more with McFadden.

2007 Arkansas- 102-5


James Madison @ Duke- The only reason I chose this, is because I thought it was basketball, and I got excited, and the fact that JMU's mascot are the Dukes. So either way, a Duke will win.

Duke- 2-0

Gosh darn i'm excited...