The 20 Funniest (Or Dumbest) Athlete Quotes

Brian HoodAnalyst IAugust 20, 2008

Athletes have a history of saying some pretty outlandish things: some comical, some clever, some just plain stupid.  Here is a list of my favorite quotes by various athletes in a variety of sports that would back that up.


20. "I've been dunked on by (Vitaly) Potapenko and now (Zan) Tabak.  The good part is that they don't make posters of those guys."—Houston Rockets’ Walt Williams

—Am I really the only one that has a Zan Tabak poster on my ceiling?

19. "I enjoyed the Luge."—Michael Jordan on the Paris museum

—The man was known for his dunking, defense, jump shot, and tenacity, but his fine art knowledge...not so much.


18. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men.  He lets us wear earrings."

—Yeah, ‘cause real men wear earrings.


17. "Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses."—David Thompson

—I guess that makes dunking his weakest strength.

16. New Orleans Saints RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

—I suppose if he was stuck on 999 and ripped off 501 yards in the final game, this would make sense. still wouldn’t.


15. "I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won."—Muhammad Ali

—The Father of trash talking.


14. “The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.”—Baseball player Mike Cameron

—I knew my astronomy teacher in college was full of crap.

13. "The game was closer than the score indicated."—Baseball player Dizzy Dean, after a 1-0 game

—’Cause when I see 1-0, I think blowout.

12. Shaquille O'Neal: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."

—Before his Laker days he was really proud of his eight and under title ring.

11. "I don’t want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win."—Basketball player Sherman Douglas

—What did he just say?

10. "The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs.  You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them.  Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve.  No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex."—Carl Everett

—All right Carl, let’s not turn this into a holy war.

9. "Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there."—Rickey Henderson on reports that 50 percent of ballplayers use steroids.

—Rickey Henderson: The scholar.

8. "Because there are no fours."—NBA long-range gunner Antoine Walker when asked why he shoots so many threes.

—He would be a hell of a four-point specialist.


7.  "I can play in the center, on the right, and occasionally on the left side."—David Beckham, asked if he was a “volatile” player.

—They still use the English language in England, right?

6. "Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious."—N.C. State basketball player Charles Shackleford

—Didn’t Rickey Henderson steal this delicious line?


5. "I dunno.  I never smoked any Astroturf."—Pitcher Tug McGraw, asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf.

—It‘s actually a good high...though it smells like losers and Jeff Bagwell’s jock.


4. "They shouldn’t throw at me.  I’m the father of five or six kids."—Baseball player Tito Fuentes, after getting hit by a pitch.

—Five OR six: now that’s disturbingly funny.

3. Shaquille O'Neal: "I made a 1,600 minus 800 minus 200 on the SAT, so I'm very intelligent when I speak."

—I’m speechless.

2. "Like they say, it ain't over 'til the fat guy swings."—Phillies catcher Darren Daulton on stocky first baseman John Kruk.

— players.

And finally, number one...

1. "We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors."—Basketball player Weldon Drew


    Steph Is Actually Better Without KD

    Featured logo

    Steph Is Actually Better Without KD

    Tom Haberstroh
    via Bleacher Report

    Ranking the NFL's Best Backfields

    Featured logo

    Ranking the NFL's Best Backfields

    Kristopher Knox
    via Bleacher Report

    Teams One Piece Away from Contending

    Featured logo

    Teams One Piece Away from Contending

    Grant Hughes
    via Bleacher Report

    Predicting 2018 Breakout Teams

    Featured logo

    Predicting 2018 Breakout Teams

    Zach Kruse
    via Bleacher Report