Sign up or login to track your favorite teams

Sign Up for Bleacher Report

As a registered user you can subscribe to your favorite teams, post comments, write your own articles, and much more.

You must register in order for that functionality to work!







Validating sign up form ...

Bleacher Report articles are written by fans like you

Do you want to cover your favorite sports, teams, and leagues?

Processing writing preferences ...

Great, , you're signed up!

i.e. Big 10, LeBron James, USC Football

Selected Tags:

Logging in ...

Athletes have a history of saying some pretty outlandish things: some comical, some clever, some just plain stupid. Here is a list of my favorite quotes by various athletes in a variety of sports that would back that up...

The 20 Funniest (Or Dumbest) Athlete Quotes

by Brian Hood [HUMOR]

123

51,674 reads

Humor

August 20, 2008


Athletes have a history of saying some pretty outlandish things: some comical, some clever, some just plain stupid.  Here is a list of my favorite quotes by various athletes in a variety of sports that would back that up.

 

20. "I've been dunked on by (Vitaly) Potapenko and now (Zan) Tabak.  The good part is that they don't make posters of those guys."—Houston Rockets’ Walt Williams

—Am I really the only one that has a Zan Tabak poster on my ceiling?



19. "I enjoyed the Luge."—Michael Jordan on the Paris museum

—The man was known for his dunking, defense, jump shot, and tenacity, but his fine art knowledge...not so much.

 

18. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men.  He lets us wear earrings."

—Yeah, ‘cause real men wear earrings.

 

17. "Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses."—David Thompson

—I guess that makes dunking his weakest strength.



16. New Orleans Saints RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

—I suppose if he was stuck on 999 and ripped off 501 yards in the final game, this would make sense.  No...it still wouldn’t.

 

15. "I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won."—Muhammad Ali

—The Father of trash talking.

 

14. “The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.”—Baseball player Mike Cameron

—I knew my astronomy teacher in college was full of crap.



13. "The game was closer than the score indicated."—Baseball player Dizzy Dean, after a 1-0 game

—’Cause when I see 1-0, I think blowout.



12. Shaquille O'Neal: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."

—Before his Laker days he was really proud of his eight and under title ring.



11. "I don’t want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win."—Basketball player Sherman Douglas

—What did he just say?



10. "The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs.  You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them.  Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve.  No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex."—Carl Everett

—All right Carl, let’s not turn this into a holy war.



9. "Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there."—Rickey Henderson on reports that 50 percent of ballplayers use steroids.

—Rickey Henderson: The scholar.



8. "Because there are no fours."—NBA long-range gunner Antoine Walker when asked why he shoots so many threes.

—He would be a hell of a four-point specialist.

 

7.  "I can play in the center, on the right, and occasionally on the left side."—David Beckham

Track this Article on My B/R
Flag This Article
Share This Article

123 comments Last one added 9 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Wally Cronkite 10 months ago

    Nice list, but where is Iverson's infamous "practice" speech. That has to be one of the dumbest, most hilarious, and longest commentaries by any professional athlete in any professional sport any where in the world.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Andrew Mason 10 months ago

      he said the word practice 20 times in that statement!

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • PJ Edelman 10 months ago

      I mean, we're talking about practice.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • Gaz V 10 months ago

      "Not the game...not the game...not the game. This is practice we're talkin' about. We're talkin' about practice. I mean, we're talking about practice. It's not the game. This is practice, man. Practice. We're talkin' 'bout practice..." (sorry, I lack the stamina to type more than this small portion). Check it out here:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUYjD7A75HQ

      If you have never seen this, you are in for a treat.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • Gaz V 10 months ago

      To Brian:

      Great article..Pick of the Day, easily!

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • David-S Serdinak 10 months ago

      Excellent article...as everyone, I have a missing one: When Jim Thome got the record for most homeruns of any Cleveland Indian, he said, "What's nice about it is that I did it with the same team".

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  2. Thomas Brown 10 months ago

    hilarious stuff

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    1
    )

  3. Timothy Croley 10 months ago

    Thanks for a good laugh. This is well put together. Some great quotes that everyone should read for some comic relief. 5 stars!

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  4. Joe Willett 10 months ago

    I laughed my ass off, funny stuff, and one of My Picks.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  5. Mark Monroe 10 months ago

    You took astrology in college? Asshole

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  6. Justin Goar 10 months ago

    great list however i think some of these are clever not dumb like #1, 5, 8, and 20.

    but your comments are what make the article!!

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  7. Burton DeWitt 10 months ago

    Very funny stuff.

    Here are some of my favorites:

    "The more we lose, the more Steinbrenner will fly in. And the more he flies, the better the chance there will be for a plane crash" - Graig Nettles

    "When I was a little boy, I wanted to be a baseball player and join the circus. With the Yankees I have accomplished both." - Graig Nettles

    ''Why would I want to help them win a title? They're not doing anything for me. I'm at risk. I have a lot of risk here. I got my family to feed.'' - Latrell Sprewell.

    "It's a partial sellout." - I believe this one was by the late Skip Caray, but I could be mistaken.

    "I really think the European horses are at a disadvantage because they're not used to this extreme heat." - NBC's Mike Battaglia on the day of the 2003 Breeders' Cup, oblivious to the fact that Europe had had record heat that summer while record lows were set all across the United States. Naturally, European horses went on to dominate and I went on to win a lot of money b/c everyone listened to the idiot that is Mike Battaglia.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Brian Hood 10 months ago

      I like those....I wanted to include the Skip Caray line but I decided to narrow the list down to athletes only so it would be a little more original. I could do a whole other article on coaches quotes or announcer quotes but maybe someone else could do that. It's a really fun (and easy) way to get a lot of reads, yes I'll admit that. Thanks Burton

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • Burton DeWitt 10 months ago

      You ain't kidding. This had gotten more views than all my articles put together!

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  8. Rich O'Keeffe 10 months ago

    At least three or four of these weren't dumb, just sarcasm and intelligent digs

    numbers one and two were great insults

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  9. michael himberger 10 months ago

    What no Mickey Rivers "I lost the ball in the wind"

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  10. andrew johnson 10 months ago

    drew gooden after being drafted by the Memphis Grizzlies: "I didnt know Graceland was in Memphis. I thought it was in Tennessee." http://mrjohnsonsclassroom.blogspot.com/

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  11. John Mc 10 months ago

    come on... where is this classic: "When you build a stadium so close to the ocean, you're bound to have some games fogged out" - Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd after the Red Sox and Indians had a game cancelled due to fog.... from Lake Erie... 460 miles from the Atlantic Ocean

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Brian Hood 10 months ago

      I love that quote......I considered both Oil Can and Yogi Berra but many of their quotes are so mainstream that a lot of people are familiar with, wanted to find some lesser known ones....thanks for the comment John

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  12. Paul May 10 months ago

    Really funny, but I think you meant astronomy teacher (not astrology).

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  13. Nick Johnston 10 months ago

    Good list here, but there have been plenty from the other side of the pond. Here's just a couple...

    One boxer (Frank Bruno if I remember correctly) said: "My mum says as a baby I used to fight my way out of my cot. But that was before my time."

    And Alan Ball, former England player, said in his coaching days :"I'm not a believer in luck..... but I do believe you need it."

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  14. Shaun Ahmad 10 months ago

    Great work!!

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  15. Greg _ 10 months ago

    The coach of the 76 Tampa Bay Bucs was asked about the execution of his team. He said he was in favor of it.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  1. Matt Granger 10 months ago

    How about Oil Can Boyd ?

    When a game was fogged out in Cleveland...

    "That's what happens when you put a stadium too close to the ocean."

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  2. Andrew Mason 10 months ago

    Shaq on if he visited the Pantheon while in Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs we went to." or why he cant make free throws "The reason I don't make my freethrows is because I believe nothing in life is free."

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  3. L.J. Burgess 10 months ago

    "Because there are no fours." I'm dyin'.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  4. Marisa Scolamiero 10 months ago

    Great list but you left out the king of off the wall quotes...Yogi Berra.
    "90 percent of the game is half mental."
    "It's like deja vu all over again."
    "If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Ryan Gerbosi 10 months ago

      "90% of the putts that are short don't go in"
      "I didn't really say everything i said"
      "Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • Jeff Crawford 10 months ago

      Berra's got a ton of them....

      "The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."
      "You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
      "I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."
      "Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."
      "It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."
      "Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."
      "You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."
      "I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • Tyler Hill 10 months ago

      90% is half, Thats great

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

    • MJ Kasprzak 10 months ago

      Not only need Yogi quotes, but Rich McKay, when asked what he thought of his team's execution, said "I'm in favour of it!" No way that should be off this list, but you had a bunch I was unaware of, so gotta give you a pass and say great job!

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  5. Mark Farmer 10 months ago

    what about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach after his 0-14 season, when asked about his teams execuation, he replied "I'm in favor of it"

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  6. Lisa Horne 10 months ago

    Funny stuff, and your comment after each quote was even funnier!

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  7. Mikey Tolvo 10 months ago

    Great list but how bout this one: "Half of this game is 90% mental." Yogi Bera

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  8. Rael Enteen 10 months ago

    Hilarious. Your commentary was as good, maybe better, than the quotes themselves. I'm happy we have another few years of Shaq quotes so make sure to keep in mind that this list might need some additions soon.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  9. solarcane outhere 10 months ago

    Great list Brian, still grinning

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  10. Perry Arnold 10 months ago

    My favorite is from college basketball. Back in the 80s a player from University of Louisville was asked what he knew about the Cardinals first round opponent in the NCAA tournament and his response, "Not much. I think it's one of those academic colleges." Obviously Uof L is not.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  11. A B 10 months ago

    Jason Kidd, after being drafted by the lowly Dallas Mavericks, stated: "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." Now that's a committed player.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  12. Alan Bass 10 months ago

    Hahahaha I love number four!! "Five or six kids" haha. Great list, loved it.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  13. Steve Anderson 10 months ago

    Nice Niche, dude! I only wish that I thought of it! I love the obsure references, too...there are a lot of mainstream ones, but most of these I'd never seen before. You DEFINITELY need to do a part two...and don't feel bad; I would've mixed up astronomy and astrology, too...though you COULD start a HOROSCOPE blog...

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  14. Curly Morris 10 months ago

    Great article! Absolutely hilarious.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  15. Curly Morris 10 months ago

    "The more we lose, the more Steinbrenner will fly in. And the more he flies, the better the chance there will be for a plane crash" - Graig Nettles

    I'm a Yankee fan and don't remember that one!

    It's a damn shame that you cant write a funny article and have idiots come and try to one up you by trying to trash it because it's not a Pulitzer effort.

    We have some real dickheads here!

    I really enjoyed it Brian.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  1. Erick Blasco 10 months ago

    “I don’t want to shoot my mouth in my foot..."

    lol, what the heck?

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  2. Will Shelton 10 months ago

    As a Celtics fan, I had wiped Sherman Douglas from my collective memory. And now I remember why.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  3. Tim Ledger 10 months ago

    Joaquin Andujar, St. Louis Cardinals pitcher: There's just two words I got to say about the game of baseball, and those two words are "Ya never know"

    (I heard him say it in an interview

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  4. Chris Miller 10 months ago

    Very well done!

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  5. SEC Idiots .com 10 months ago

    Great list! Here's my personal favorite:

    "Because I couldn't go for three." Woody Hayes, on why he went for two despite a 36-point lead against Michigan

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  6. Jamaal Foster 10 months ago

    your going to cause me to get fired with this. Great stuff.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  7. Joe G 10 months ago

    Really enjoyed this article! Got another one for you. During the 2006 World Cup, JP Dellacamara mentioned that the Netherlands play a "really unique 4-4-2 formation, with three guys up front."

    And here's a collection of quotes by the immortal Bob Uecker.

    http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/Park/1138/quotes/quotesuecker.html

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Mike Martin 10 months ago

      "I remember one time I'm batting against the Dodgers in Milwaukee. They lead, 2 - 1, it's the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, two out and the pitcher has a full count on me. I look over to the Dodger dugout and they're all in street clothes."

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  8. Thomas 10 months ago

    make a part 2! this stuff is hilarious. good work.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  9. Chris Plouffe 10 months ago

    Really good article, and thanks for not just including the quotes we've all heard 100 times and they keep replaying on best damn.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  10. Gray Ghost 10 months ago

    Great article and a fun read! Hilarious stuff! This was a good idea.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  11. Adam Lindemer 10 months ago

    Great stuff!! It must have been hard to narrow the field to just 20. I agree with some others that anything from Yogi Berra could've easily made the list too...part 2, or 3, or 4...so many dumb things said in the world of sports.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  12. Bob Boldridge 10 months ago

    "I ain't gettin on no time machine" Marvin (Bad News) Barnes when told that his flight was leaving St Louis at 11:00 am Central and arriving in Denver at 10:45 Mountain time

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  13. TJ Zwarych 10 months ago

    Nice article man, good thinking. Very original and funny. Well Done.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  14. greg Game 10 months ago

    One of my favorite quotes comes from the NHL. One guy (I forget who) scored his very first NHL goal by the puck bouncing off his cheekbone and going in the net. His coach said" I'd sure hate to see his face after 50 goals!"

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  15. Jeff Crawford 10 months ago

    Great list, thanks. Nice to see some that most people haven't heard over and over again.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  1. Joe 10 months ago

    "We might make a lot of money but, we also spend a lot of money."

    Patrick Ewing talking about the struggles NBA players were having during the NBA lock-out.

    Nice read

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  2. Scott Malone 10 months ago

    Hilarious stuff. Nice job.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  3. Tyler Hill 10 months ago

    I never knew Shaq was in the "special people class" to put it nicely.Lol

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  4. Bob Boldridge 10 months ago

    "I ain't gettin on no time machine" - Marvin ('Bad News') Barnes after being told that his flight was leaving St Louis at 11:00 am (central) and arriving in Denver at 10:45 am (moutain)

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  5. Ron Glover 10 months ago

    What is a strange quote w/o Aristotle himself. Ladies and Gentleman, Mike Tyson.

    "Lennox Lewis, I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"

    After biting Holyfield he said, "This is my career. I have children to raise. I have to retaliate. He butted me. Look at me. My kids will be scared of me."

    "I'm on the Zoloft [an antidepressant] to keep from killing y'all."

    "I really dig Hannibal. Hannibal had real guts. He rode elephants into Cartilage."

    "I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  6. Yoosof Farah 10 months ago

    Good job Brian. Some of those quotes really made me laugh. Athletes these days can be so stupid sometimes lol.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  7. PJ Edelman 10 months ago

    Great article! I love the one about having 5 or 6 kids.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  8. Cody Blubaugh 10 months ago

    Mike Shannon, broadcaster for the St. Louis Cardinals:

    While on a road trip "Look at that Moon. Wish you folks back in St. Louis could see this moon tonight!"

    Great Article Brian!

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  9. TR 10 months ago

    Hey, maybe MJ thought the Winter Olympics were held in Paris that year...

    You should think about turning this into a series. Given many athletes' questionable intelligence, you would never run out of material. And given many other athletes' wry wit, so much the better.

    I tried smoking AstroTurf once and found that it sucks. Of course, I didn't inhale.

    Thanks for the memories.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Brian Hood 10 months ago

      Thanks Terry, I wasn't going to make anymore but with some of the
      responses telling me to write part 2, I'm considering it.
      It was really fun to write

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  10. Zahi Sahli 10 months ago

    fantastic job. great list... very funny. great job.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  11. Daniel Howie 10 months ago

    I know you already got the POTD, but I laughed so hard late last night reading this! And your comments definitely make this article.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  12. Jeremy Kaufman 10 months ago

    Great article. I'm surprised you don't have any Mike Tyson quotes on the list though!

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • L.J. Burgess 10 months ago

      For you;

      Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson again hooking up with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  13. Stefan Vasilev 10 months ago

    number 13 and 4 were crackers. :)

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  14. L.J. Burgess 10 months ago

    Houston Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  15. michael szego 10 months ago

    Great Great list !
    My all time fave. Was when Maurice Clarrett was arrested a couple streets away from the home of one the witnesses in his upcoming trial,with a cache of firearms,his lawyer said "we really don't think,he had any bad intentions"
    NO he was hunting wabbit !

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  1. Ben White 10 months ago

    Great article Brian. 5 stars.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  2. Ryan Gaydos 10 months ago

    funny stuff

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  3. Matt Gilmartin 10 months ago

    Excellent article, really entertaining. If I hadn't already given my POD vote out, you'd get it.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Brian Hood 10 months ago

      ..if I had a dime for everytime I've heard that.....no, I'm just kidding,
      I'm blown away by how many I got already
      Thanks Matt for the good words

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  4. Oliver Ellis 10 months ago

    I remember watching the Pats-Giants Superbowl XLII here in England, and we had to have the NFL Network's "International Announcers" for the game. New England are just taking over with about 4 minutes left, and the play-by-play guy says:

    "There's no way that the Patriots can drive down the field now"

    In under two minutes, the drive culminated in the Brady to Moss touchdown.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  5. Dozer 10 months ago

    I think #4 should have been #1

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Brian Hood 10 months ago

      ... the top 6 I could have flipped 'em anywhere for me, they're all so good it was
      hard to pick so I just set them up so my comments would flow better

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  6. David Yeazell 10 months ago

    Really really funny. Still laughing. If you dont mind, i will add one from this years olympics. Bob Costas just before a break "Coming up next the womens 200 breast's".

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  7. James Morrison 10 months ago

    Well done man...Its obvious that without sports some people couldn't get a job at McDonalds... So for godsake help out, Buy a Randy Moss jersey!

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  8. Eric Annett 10 months ago

    No. The dumbest of all time, by Mr. Shaquille O Neal himself. "I'm like the Pythagorean Theorum, I have no answer."

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  9. John LoGiudice 10 months ago

    Tug's quote was funny and Mohammad Ali's wasn't that bad. I thought you wrote some hilariously bad quotes. I could write quite a few myself, with both hands...I am amphibious after all.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  10. Shane House 10 months ago

    great article. definitely a great read. Loved the one with the game being closer then the score indicated. hahahaha. halarious. lol.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  11. Tom Grant 10 months ago

    ah that was awesome

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  12. Keith Quaranto 10 months ago

    how is there no Yogi Bera

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  13. Brian Hood 10 months ago

    Yogi's got so many, I could do a whole article on him
    I wanted to list some people haven't heard as much
    If I had to pick one though ...."if you come to a fork in the road, take it"

    Thanks everyone for the comments, glad you liked it as much as I did

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  14. Ukali Mwendo 10 months ago

    Man... the things people say. Too, too funny!

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  15. Jason Siesser 10 months ago

    Nice artile. Maybe seperate the topic into Funny and Dumb. That would be even more enjoyable.

    The Tampa Bay one and the Bum Phillips were nice additions.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  1. insaneinthemembrane 10 months ago

    darren daulton has a lot more quotes that will shock you , sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo what s up gents?

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  2. KC Allen 10 months ago

    Another good one from gay David Beckham :

    "Their homework is so hard these days. It's totally done differently to what I was teached when I was at school, and you know I was like 'Oh my God, I can't do this.'Brooklyn was like, 'Please do it with me,' and I'm like, 'I'll read your book with you.' "
    - Real Madrid midfielder David Beckham commenting on his six-year-old son Brooklyn’s math homework

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  3. big ROC Stockton, CA 10 months ago

    How about Bill Parcells? I don't remember the exact quote but he referred to Terry Glenn as "she" when he was asked about the the NE Patriots wide receiver.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • David-S Serdinak 10 months ago

      That was comical....it was at a press conference. They asked Parcell if Glenn was all right and he said, "You'll have to ask her".

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  4. big ROC Stockton, CA 10 months ago

    "talk to me, I'm a man, I'm 40."

    I know you said athletes but I couldn't resist bringing back this classic.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  5. Chris Pennant 10 months ago

    This is great stuff, my dude. Look up the Houston Rockets talking about Dikembe Mutumbo on YouTube. That's comedy gold. Rafer Alston's impression of Deke is dead-on.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  6. adfasf sadfasdf 10 months ago

    —It‘s actually a good high...though it smells like losers and Jeff Bagwell’s jock

    yeaa... why would you smell his jock in the first place?

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  7. Joseph Morgan 10 months ago

    Great list. Loved it! #5 is my favorite.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  8. Saraswathi Siriginia 10 months ago

    Wonderful list, totally enjoyed it.

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

  9. Eric Annett 9 months ago

    This article is plagiarized.

    http://forums.homepokertourney.com/index.php?action=printpage;topic=17737.0

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

    • Brian Hood 9 months ago

      that website took it from this site and re-posted it on their site and they even mentioned it at the top of the article.

      Edit Comment Cancel

      Reply
      Great Comment (
      0
      )

  10. Eric Annett 9 months ago

    oh my bad

    Edit Comment Cancel

    Reply
    Great Comment (
    0
    )

Leave a Comment

  • You must register to post a comment.

    • About the Author Brian Hood (analyst)

    • 14 articles written
    • 324 comments posted
    • 29 fans

    Asylum

    Want to write for Bleacher Report

    We are a community of fans who write about sports. And we're growing.

    Learn More and Sign Up »

    Certain photos copyright © 2009 by Getty Images.
    Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Getty Images is strictly prohibited.