We've all been there: someone insulted your favorite sport. Now you can get them back. Below I've described every sport I know so that they sound like the most boring, pointless game. Enjoy them now, use them on your arch-enemy later.
Basketball: All you do is try to shoot a ball into a basket.
Football: All you do is try to get the ball into the endzone.
Baseball: It's just trying to hit a moving ball with a bat.
Golf: It's just trying to hit a stationary ball.
Tennis: All you do is try to hit a moving ball with a racket.
Volleyball: All you try to do is hit a ball over a net.
Running: All you do is move as fast as you can.
Hockey: It's just trying to get a puck into a net.
Soccer: It's just kicking a ball around.
Auto racing: It's just going around a track in a car.
Handball: All you do is try to throw a ball into a net
Ping-pong: All you do is try to hit a tiny ball over a net.
Dodgeball: It's just trying to get everyone on the other team out.
Riflery: It's just trying to shoot a target with a gun.
Archery: It's just trying to hit a target with an arrow.
Hunting: It's just trying to shoot animals.
Lacrosse: All you do is try to get a small ball into a small net.
Boxing: All you do is try to hit the other guy.
Swimming: All you do is move through water.
Diving: All you do is try to jump into a pool with minimal splashing.
And that's how you insult every sport (every one that I know, at least).
Note: I was not trying to demean any sport by writing this. I was just trying to write something creative and original that you and other fellow writers could relate to. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I know that these sports take far more skill and have much more to them than I made it sound like.