Cigar Guy and the Top 20 Most Perfectly Timed Sports Photos Ever

Goofy grins, hilarious grimaces, and sometimes just a good snapshot of someone getting kicked in the junk. These are the moments that live on in sports.  

Championships come and go, but how often do you get to see a bunch of old up-tight golf fans surrounded by a guy with such a goofy appearance he looks like he's a character out of Happy Gilmore?  

More often than you'd think is the answer.  Here are some of the most perfectly timed, hilariously slap-happy photos in sports history.

The Richard Nixon/Chris Walken/Joey Lawrence Combo Dive

Emulating Tricky Dick, the best host Saturday Night Live has ever had, and the 'Whoa' kid from Blossom is no easy task, much less doing it all at once, much less while diving into a pool. But this extremely creepy pale diver did it.  He got a 10 on the impression, 0 on the dive for landing ass-first in the pool. 

Disturbingly Hot Ice Bowling

An event rarely seen in the Olympics, but still considered an official sport. The girl is required to roll on her arms while doing inverse splits as Walter, Donnie, and The Dude drink White Russians judging her.

Power of Hatred Levitation

The photo itself isn't very funny, it's more that Alfonso Soriano actually has the power to levitate when he despises someone or something. Examples of situations where Soriano would levitate: 

When a Cardinals player slides underneath, if someone tells him to play defense, if someone tells him to take a contract that accurately values his worth as a baseball player, etc., etc.

Brazillian Soccer Team vs. Effeminate Central University

This annual tune-up soccer match for Brazil generally has about 30 to 2,000 photos similar to this one. Not very unique, but still amusing.

The 'What a Shock, a Yankee Fan Punching Someone'

Violence, normally not found in the Bronx, discovered here in this quick snapshot.  Take a good look, because it's not something that happens often. Especially in the Bronx.

The Little Known Sport of Professional Revenge

It's catching on in popularity. Kind of like UFC, only there's at least a reason behind the violence.  This is the "I'm breaking your arm for sleeping with my sister" event. 

Crotch Dunk

This is just a crotch in another dude's face. Shockingly, the player being dunked on is whiter than Conan O'Brien.  The Irish aren't as good at basketball as you would think.

China's Annual, "Toss All Consipirators Over The Wall."

A celebration held every year where anyone thought to be a conspirator or spy is tossed off the Great Wall along with their favorite personal possession.  Longest toss gets a gold medal that then must be given back to the government to disperse equally among a billion people. 

Jedi Tennis

A new sport judged in three categories:

1) Mind control over inanimate objects

2) Mind control over other living beings

3) Yoda speak (Like this you must speak.)

Who Can Traffic Drugs Through the Largest Sports Equipment?

This is one of those clubhouse, behind the scenes things that only players know about. A contest that is a hazing process where veterans force rookies to swallow sporting equipment as a way to sneak illicit drugs into other countries.  

The record for largest object: Javelin.

Phil Mickelson In a Howling Competition...right?

I mean they must be howling, what else would it be? What did Phil sink a putt that then gave him and the old man behind him a ...I mean...you know...howling competition. 

Manute Bol Drops a Gymnast

Carrying off a young injured Romanian gymnast, the late Manute Bol had unfortunately just finished eating some greasy food and let her slip through his hands. The most tragic event of the 2000 summer games.

Synchronized Swimming Interprets the Film "The Good Son"

Macauley Caulken on the bottom clearly and Elijah Wood soaring high above striving for purity. A bold move by this synchronized swimming team. 

Power of P Levitation

Much like the aforementioned Alfonso Soriano levitation, this style of float only occurs when sponsoring the letter "P," which let's face it, needs as much publicity as it can get.

I'm so Naked I Don't Even Notice I'm Being Tackled

Kind of looks like a younger Conan O'Brien. That's two Conan references in the span of eight slides.  I miss him a lot.

Unnecessary Difficulty

So nowhere, anywhere, on this ranch...is there a pole?

Slow-Motion Pregnant Tennis Fore-Hand

Probably the least successful approach in the tennis world. Most choose standard forehand, others, slow-motion pregnant tennis forehand.

Clearly Toyota Built This

A competition to see which Toyota product can break down in the most horrific fashion.  

Undercover Agent

This is not actually a photographer, but a booster trying to give Reggie Bush a camera for doing so well for USC.

Me and Yao

This lasts for hours whenever Yao and I hang out.  Armpit lick. Lay-up. Armpit lick. Lay-up.  It's supposed to be good luck in terms of warding off foot injuries.  Ancient Chinese secret. (Now you say Ancient Chinese Secret huh?)