The Bengals Are Either Criminals Or Sages

There were a few surprises in Cincinnati when camp opened up last month. Chad Johnson (one of my favorites in football) followed through on his word that he would show up on time and help the team in any way he can. Head Coach Marvin Lewis stated that Chris Henry will not be invited back to play for the team. And last, the usually docile Carson Palmer went on the radio and spent 2 minutes shitting on the Ohio State football program.

Palmer, like many Americans, expressed his disdain for Ohio State and how grossly overrated their team is. “I cannot stand the Buckeyes," Palmer said. “And having to live in Ohio and hear those people talk about their team drives me absolutely nuts.” Palmer first referenced the Ohio State USC match up that hits L.A. early in the college football season. “I just can’t wait for this game to get here so they can come to the Coliseum and experience L.A. and get an old fashioned, Pac 10 butt-whooping.” After that, Palmer did a little more foreshadowing. “I just can’t wait for two years from now when SC comes to the Shoe and I get to hopefully have a home game that weekend. And I can go out there and watch us pound on them on their own turf.”

Palmer however, got a good publicist, and thus a change of heart. Palmer apologized if his statements offended any Ohio State fans. “I really do respect the Buckeyes, and I know their fans are passionate, too. I hope they all understand I'm just looking forward to a big game for my school against a very tough opponent, and that it's all in the good fun of a rivalry.”

Palmer did the PC thing, and apologized, and I am not questioning the fact that he did apologize. I am questioning what exactly it is that he is apologizing for. Like the Outspoken Chad Johnson before him, Carson Palmer was exactly right about everything he said.  Now that the AP rankings are out, its even more true.

For starters, Ohio State is year in and year out the most overrated team in college football. They would not have even won a national championship this millennium if it were not for Willis McGahee’s dinosaur leg impression. Annually, Ohio State plays notably weak out of conference schedules, and plays in conference against a fleet of other overrated teams who have no business in bowls. Here is your stat of the day...

In the last 3 years, Ohio State has played 4 teams out of their conference that were ranked in the top 25. Two times the ranked opponent was an SEC team that smoked them in the national championship game. The third romping came in Texas in 2006. In fact, the only time OSU beat a ranked team out of their conference in the last three years was their victory in the Who Gives a Shit Bowl over constantly overrated Notre Dame. USC and Ohio state can line up 10 straight weeks, and USC would win 10 straight.

This should show you two things about Ohio State. One, they absolutely can’t beat national powerhouses and thus can’t be considered one themselves. Two, this is the first time in 4 years they will be playing a ranked team out of conference in the regular season. Somehow, national sportswriters have decided to give OSU the smile again this season, which means they have all been duped again.

I personally am not surprised by this at all, as The Buckeye’s are named after the Ohio State tree, the Buckeye, which is known most for smelling like shit (look it up if you don’t believe me). So if on paper, it looks like shit, and it smells like shit, you probably aren’t about to eat a mint, you idiot.

The kicker for all of this though is that every Cincinnati Bengal is either incarcerated or possessing a thought process years ahead of their time. Go Bengals.