Top Seven Stories from Nebraska Cornhuskers Camp

The Top Seven Stories Out of Husker Camp This Week

7. Husker Fan Day Scheduled for Sunday, Aug.17. In addition to autographs, Bo Pelini will give kids new swear-word combinations to impress their friends at school.

6. Defensive Lineman Kevin Dixon Kicked Off Team Following Marijuana Possession Charges. Tom Osborne rethinks replacing Tunnel Walk with "Dark Side of the Moon" montage.

5. Right Tackle Jaivario Burkes Held Out of Practice for High Blood Pressure. Hey, I went on stroke watch for six weeks after Kansas put up 76 on Nebraska last year...you didn't see me missing work!

4. Husker Assistant Athletic Director Jeff Jamrog Aims to Beef Up Future Non-Conference Schedule with BCS quality teams. Husker players will also wear chainmail armor while dragging a ball and chain because things around Lincoln have just been too easy in recent years.

3. Western Michigan, San Jose State, and New Mexico State Games Slated for Pay-Per-View. Mediocrity hasn't been this expensive since I paid $8.50 to see National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets.

2. Jason's Peter's Autobiography "Hero of the Underground" Hits No. 24 on New York Times Best Seller List. Lawrence Phillips' "I Slapped a Bitch" very popular among state prison inmates.

1. Football News Overshadowed by Nebraska Wrestlers' Dismissal After Posing Nude for Internet Pornography Site. Mark Mangino breathes sigh of relief after his centerfold spread for Jugs Magazine goes unnoticed.