The All-Time 10 Best Athletes To Share A Beer With

Nabeel AhmadiehContributor ISeptember 30, 2010

The All-Time 10 Best Athletes To Share A Beer With

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    You ever sit around with your friends and watch sports and talk about athletes?  Yeah, I’m sure that all friends do that. 

    How about, have you ever sat around and talked about who you thought was the coolest athlete?  Okay, some of you have. 

    What about, wonder who would be the best to go out with on a quiet night, share a beer, good conversation and maybe some buffalo wings?  I guess a few.

    Well, I have.  I’ve recently thought about which athlete I’d most likely want to be around if we were just hanging out. 

    Here’s the scenario: You win a grand sweepstakes and your prize is to pick any current or former athlete to go out on the town with to have a beer and hang out. 

    Obviously if you don’t drink beer, or would like another alcoholic beverage you can. 

    But, how stupid would sound for me to call this article “The All-Time Best Athletes To Share An Alcoholic Beverage With?” 

    I’ll keep my title, beer sounds more macho and keeps my balls intact. 

    So here is my list in no particular order:

Shaquille O’Neal

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    Can you think of a more intimidating person to chill with at a bar?  You can talk shit to anybody in the bar and dare them to lay a hand on you.

    I guarantee they won’t dare challenge you seeing the Big Shamrock, Big Cactus, Big Daddy, Diesel, Superman, Big Aristotle, Officer Shaq, Shaq Fu sitting next to you.

    Do you realize that I just listed eight legitimate nicknames that O’Neal has been called sometime throughout his career.  Is there any athlete who has anywhere close to that many nicknames?

    Shaq is awfully entertaining and quite the character.

    He has been known around league circles to be somewhat of a class clown, which basically destroyed his relationship with Kobe (speaking of Kobe, he’d be the least athlete to drink a beer with.  Too serious and too competitive.  Each drink would turn into a contest until you were hugging the toilet like a ‘blankey’ from elementary school days).

    Last thought: how many beers do you think Shaq could drink?  I put the over/under at 37. 

Michael Irvin

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    Word on Irvin is back in the Cowboys’ dynasty days he used to take all the rookies out, get them drunk (and probably a little more than drunk), hook them up with women, basically showing the new teammates the time of their lives. 

    The rooks would party until five in the morning, struggling to make it to practice by 8 AM.  Irvin would greet them on the field first with his patented grin.

    When the players were puking because they were hung-over, Irvin would scream, "What? The baby can’t handle a little water!"

    Well, good news for me, I’m not his teammate and we're not practicing the next morning. 

Mike Tyson

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    I’m going to drink this beer with caution, knowing that any false question, statement, or comment could trigger one of the most powerful punches of all time to pummel my skull. 

    You might ask why I would put myself at risk?  Because who has more entertaining quotes and sayings out in the open for everyone to hear than Mike Tyson? NOBODY.  Here are some prime examples. . .

    “My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"

    "You're sweet. I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend.”

    "He was screaming like my wife."

    Those last three were directed towards other boxers. 

    These next two were directed towards the media:

    “I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up every day as me. And only then will you feel my pain.”

    [To a female reporter] "It's no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk any more... Unless you want to, you know."

    Guaranteed something outlandish will come up and Mike Tyson will be extremely entertaining.

John Rocker

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    Arguably the most controversial and one of the craziest baseball players ever.  HBO’s East Bound and Down’s Kenny Powers is based off of Rocker’s persona.

    Getting inside the head of someone like Rocker would be like piecing together a puzzle blindfolded. 

    I’d be a little nervous though, if he found out about my Lebanese heritage. Rocker is infamous for his racial slurs and hatred of New York City.

Rex Ryan

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    Okay, pkay, he isn’t an athlete.  As a matter of fact, his enormous beer belly might be the most unathletic-looking sights in all of sports.

    He is, however, the most outgoing and cocky coach we have in the NFL.  Players all around the league want to play for him. 

    They love his swagger; Rex talks like them, Rex walks like them, and he even gets along with all the players. 

    I can just picture our night together. 

    Grabbing a quick bite to eat, then going to a bar and having a few beers. 

    35 minutes pass and Ryan says “Let’s go eat a damn snack!”  The exact way he did after ramming out his players on HBO’s Hard Knocks. 

    I respond, “But Rex, we just had dinner?”

    Rex shuts me up quickly, “You’re damn right we did.  And I’m f**king hungry again!  Let’s go eat a damn snack!”

    (For those of you who haven’t seen that Hard Knocks episode I’m referring too, here’s basically what happens:   Rex yells at his players for not being leaders, ridicules them as a team, bitches at them about everything and closes the speech in the least serious way possible...”Let’s go eat a damn snack!”)

John McEnroe

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    One reason and one reason only to go out with McEnroe:  I would pray the whole time for the bartender to mess up his drink order. 

    If he asked for a Bud Light and receives a Miller Light, McEnroe would go ballistic just like he did in the 1981 Wimbledon. 

    “Bartender, you can’t be serious! Why would I want a damn Miller Light, I asked for a Bud Light, you f**king idiot!” 

    Seeing him flip out like a spoiled five-year-old that just got their favorite toy taken away would be priceless!

John Daly

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    Consecutive Johns on the list and two of the most unique athletes to their respective sports. 

    The truth about PGA golfers is they're fairly boring people.  None of their personalities really are that exciting, and all of them seem reserved. 

    Besides Tiger Woods, it seems like most of them live a plain life with very little controversy. 

    Not John Daly.  He’s been through several alcoholic addiction programs, been divorced three times since becoming a pro golfer and admitted to drinking a fifth of Jack Daniels every day when he was 23 years old. 

    Wait, should I even be encouraging Daly to drink beers?

Diego Maradona

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    Maradona is argued by many, especially Argentineans, to be the greatest soccer player of all-time. 

    He was also one of the wildest party animals to ever play the sport.  From the mid-1980s to early 2000’s Maradona was addicted to cocaine and raged day-in and day-out.

    He was suspended in 1991 for 15 months for his cocaine abuse. 

    Although he might not be as big of a party animal as he once was, he still knows how to entertain. 

    The funniest though, would be Diego and I relaxing at a bar with a translator between us.   Me speaking English, the translator speaking Spanish, Maradona responding in Spanish, translator translating back to me in English and so forth. 

    How awkward would that be for a ‘night out?’  For a business meeting or a press conference, it’s understandable. But translating sucks for enjoyment purposes.

    I’ve always wondered who I would look at during the conversation.  Do I make eye contact with Maradona or the translator while they’re speaking?  Do I look at just one of them? If so, who? I don’t know; it all seems confusing.

Chad Ochocinco

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    “Are you kidding me?  He doesn’t even drink, idiot” That is what you were just thinking.  I know, I know he does not drink!  But who wouldn’t want to hang out with the most intriguing athlete we have in sports today. 

    He is the most connected athlete to all of his fans via Twitter, Ustream and his Iphone application.  He even has his own cereal and is soon launching his own News Network!

    I’ll have a beer, Ocho will have a few Red Bulls or whatever he drinks, and the night would evolve drastically from there.  This man is so out there and different that he freaking changed his last name from Johnson to Ochocinco! 

    The best part is, he knows Ochocinco means eight five and not eighty-five like it is on his Bengals jersey.  He just doesn’t care!

    Ocho Cinco is transforming athlete marketing and probably is the most eligible bachelor on this list.

Charles Barkley

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    Last but not least.  Barkley carried the NBA in the early 90’s with his exuberant personality while the rest of the superstars were rather dry characters. 

    Barkley still has power today on his show, "NBA on TNT." Sir Charles constantly can be found in commercials with Dwyane Wade and Dwight Howard.

    He is one of the funniest and most honest athletes to ever surface the Earth not to mention he’s made appearances before at ECU’s Fourth and Tavern (my beloved university).

    One thing Barkley and I share in common is our love for gambling. Sir Charles once owed a Vegas casino hundreds of thousands of dollars. I’d bet him I could beat him on the golf course, though.

     

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