"Live to you from Dallas, Texas!" Michael Cole yells out. "Hell in a Cell! A demonic structure to say the least!"
"This is going to be a good one!" Jerry Lawler proclaims. "Tonight, we got Randy Orton vs. Sheamus, John Cena vs Wade Barrett, and Kane vs. Undertaker!"
"Hell in a Cell! It tortures the body, the mind, and the soul!" declares Matt Striker.
With all commentating aside, this is your 2010 Hell in a Cell preview.
So far, there are 4 official matches: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus, Cena vs. Barrett, Miz vs. Daniel Bryan, and Kane vs. Undertaker.
Obviously, there needs to be several more matches.
Also, a two week buildup for a PPV is horrible. They should seriously consider just having one per month.
Three in the span of five weeks gives WAY too little time to properly build up the story lines. Nevertheless, I will try to create a card worth spending $55 for.
Without trying to spoil you for tomorrow, Christian is out for 6 months due to a torn pectoral muscle. Also, there's a good chance that Rey Mysterio will return in time for Hell in a Cell.
Now, not everything on this card will happen. But they should.
Without further ado, here is my 2010 Hell in a Cell card!
Jack Swagger: wasn't he just the World Heavyweight Champion?
Evan Bourne: wasn't he supposed to be at least U.S. champ by now? Whatever happened to his push?
This is the battle of the buried stars. Should this be a casket match? Uh, no.
Although there really is no storyline for this match, Swagger vs. Bourne can steal the show in Dallas. They had a great but brief match during the 900th episode of Raw.
As this match showed, Alberto Del Rio interfered and really spoiled a potential show-stealing match.
Jack Swagger and Evan Bourne are both great in the ring. It's the technical vs. the high flier. Ankle Lock vs. Air Bourne.
Swagger can generate lots of heat because he is an Oklahoma alum, enough said. He can cut a promo about how Oklahoma will beat Texas. This will get him some heat.
On the other hand, Bourne is well-liked by the crowd. Therefore, the fans should be into it. Not a bad way to lead off a PPV.
Give them 15-20 minutes and they can put on a high quality match.
Here's how this epic match will end.
Bourne is about to hit Air-Bourne, but Swagger reverses it into a gutwrench powerbomb! Then, Bourne tries to hit a hurcanrana but Swagger puts him in an ankle lock!
After 15 seconds, Bourne finally taps out.
Winner: Jack Swagger
In my opinion, most or all titles should be defended in PPV's. That's what people are paying for.
In yet another poorly built-up match, MVP takes on Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Title.
MVP is another buried star who needs at least a shot at respectability.
Ziggler is a man going places. He picked up a cougar (Vickie) only to eventually dump her for a total hottie (Kaitlyn). In the WWE, he appears to be on the precipice of hitting main event status.
I mean come on, we can see this coming from a mile: Dolph dumps Vickie for Kaitlyn. Cole rips him, Striker and Lawler congratulate him, and the fans are proud of him.
Then, after 10 minutes of physical action, Chavo Guerrero comes out of the crowd and smacks Ziggler with a chair! We get a Chavo sighting!
Vickie is furious.
MVP pins Ziggler to become the new Intercontinental Champion! Or not.
"Excuse me!" Vickie Guerrero power trips. "That's not fair. I demand a rematch!"
After another 5 minutes or so, Ziggler makes MVP pass out via the Sleeperhold.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
After the match, Ziggler and Kaitlyn turn on Vickie, leading them to be the new couple and Vickie to be jilted. That's life, Vickie. No cougars allowed!
This match will officially signify the end of the SES. This stable was left for dead when Serena was fired and Joey Mercury got hurt.
Also, Big Show decimated them by unmasking Punk and Mercury.
On the other hand, John Morrison has been struggling on Raw. What better way than to move CM Punk to Raw to feud with Morrison.
There's nothing much to write about for Punk. It's like a funeral for the beloved SES. Cue cyber tears from the IWC.
CM Punk and Morrison put on a 15 minute show. Punk hits the GTS and Morrison is out cold.
Winner: CM Punk
He rolls out his new and improved SES: Curt Hawkins, Vance Archer, and Shad. Punk announces that they will take over the WWE.
Until glass shatters.
"Stone Cold! Stone Cold!" Yells Michael Cole. But, like the 900th episode, we were all duped!
"Stunner on Punk! Stunner on Shad!" Cole yells out.
Then Stone Cold throws out a beer to the returning John Morrison and Luke Gallows. The new SES runs away.
Stone Cold Steve Austin is revealed as the new Raw GM!
This can become the Dolph Ziggler-Kofi Kingston of tag team action.
With the tag division dying, this feud can inject life into it.
Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre have rock solid in ring and mic skills.
The chosen one and David Hart Smith start out battling.
After 10 minutes, Cody Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes on Tyson Kidd.
Cody goes for the pin and...
Smack! Bret Hart nails Cody with a chair!
Tyson Kidd uses the opening to put Rhodes in the Sharpshooter. Rhodes taps out.
However, Drew McIntyre comes out and reads a note from Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Vince demands that the match starts again.
"Montreal!" The fans begin to chant. Where is HBK?
The match restarts.
After another 5 minutes, Cody Rhodes gets some serious heat by making David Hart Smith submit to the Sharpshooter.
Winner: Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre
On Oct. 1, Edge makes his long-awaited return to Smackdown.
He whines about how Raw abused him, in particular the GM. He then congratulates himself on smashing the laptop.
Kofi Kingston interrupts him and challenges him to a match at Hell in a Cell. Edge accepts the request. Then they duke it out.
Yet another match with little or no buildup. But, this is a good storyline for Edge and Kingston. They can stretch this feud out till Royal Rumble or even Wrestlemania.
Just revealed as new GM, Stone Cold is eying Edge warily. That was a good laptop Edge broke.
Kofi then comes out and the match is underway.
Stone Cold is obviously biased towards Kingston.
15 minutes of high quality action ensues.
"Spear! Spear!" Michael Cole squeals in exclamation.
Stone Cold is about to count to 3 when...
CM Punk and his new SES beats down on Austin, Edge, and Kofi. The match ends in a DQ.
Winner: No Contest
Afterwards, Punk cuts a promo on how Stone Cold is evil. The fans politely disagree.
Daniel Bryan vs. Miz
The Internet Darling vs. Michael Cole's man-crush.
Needless to say, these two men hate each other.
Ever since they have laid eyes on each other, there has been animosity and jealousy.
The buildup to this match is already cataclysmic. No need to hype up this match any further.
While I would have liked to see them inside that cell, a falls count anywhere match is still a good match.
Cole does his usual anti-Bryan and pro-Miz rants throughout the whole match.
Bryan and Miz brawl all over the place: the ring, the announce table, even the parking lot.
Alex Riley even tries to hit Daniel Bryan with a car.
Daniel Bryan instead kicks Riley in the face while driving. Riley crashes into a wall.
It's way too violent for PG. But nobody cares. It's absolutely epic!
15 minutes of a street fight finally ends when Daniel Bryan makes the Miz taps out in the locker room with the LeBell lock.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
Alberto Del Rio did Rey Mysterio a service by giving him a vacation just recently. However, it was with a broken wrist.
Rey comes back and attacks him during the Oct. 1 episode of Smackdown.
Two of the best wrestlers in Mexico today do battle in a dos de tres caidas match, or a two out of three falls match.
This can potentially make most of Mexico buy the Hell in a Cell PPV. Vince should set this match up as a prelude to Wrestlemania 27.
Before the match, Alberto grabs a mic and calls Rey a pendejo, generating HUGE heat from the Spanish-speaking crowd.
It's a classic Lucha Libre-style match.
10 minutes in, Del Rio makes Mysterio quickly tap out via the arm bar submission.
Del Rio then becomes complacent. For 5 minutes, he gets beaten down. Until, he hits the arm bar once more. This time, Rey reaches the rope and the hold is broken.
All of the sudden, Rey hits the 619 on Del Rio! He follows it up with a splash and gains the second pin fall.
Now, with one more pin to go, the match is intense.
Near falls and near submissions make the crowd stand up- not a single person is disinterested in this one, except perhaps for the baby in the upper deck.
Rey goes for the 619, but is countered by Del Rio. Del Rio then hits the arm bar. Rey has no choice but to tap out!
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
The Hell in a Cell comes down from the rafters. The main event is here!
John Cena vs. Wade Barrett
Superman vs. The Leader of the Nexus
This a perfect ending to a feud: Hell in a Cell.
Cena has feuded with the Nexus all summer. He has permanently handicapped the career of Wendy (er Heath Slater).
He accused Justin Gabriel of being gay. Sorry John, supposedly Justin is dating Layla.
He doesn't need to make fun of Michael Tarver or David "Z-List" Otunga.
But now, he will battle the Nexus kingpin.
This is an old-fashioned Hell in a Cell brawl. Barrett hits the Wasteland on Cena on top of the Cell. The Cell comes crashing down!
Both Barrett and Cena fall to the mat. Now, the ring is exposed. Nexus takes advantage, beating Cena to a pulp as usual.
What? Cena and Barrett shaking hands?!!!
"Cena turned heel!" The fans gasp in shock. "He turned bad!" The little kids scream in horror.
Cena allows Barrett to give him a pin.
HHH then comes out and celebrates with Nexus and Cena.
A new super stable is born! Cenation-X!
Winner: Wade Barrett
Wow! Let's recap the night. Miz and Daniel Bryan almost killed each other out there.
Cena finally turned heel by joining the Nexus. HHH returned and joined the Nexus as well.
The nWo and the 4 horsemen are now on notice for the greatest heel stables in Pro Wrestling history!
That alone is worth spending $55 on. Heck, most fans would spend $555 on this.
To top it all off, CM Punk and Stone Cold Steve Austin encountered each other. It looks like Stone Cold and the SES are going to war.
Stone Cold is also the Raw GM.
This alone is worth a buy, and we haven't even gotten to the two main events.
Randy Orton is looking to garner his first PPV title defense against the Human Jar of Mayo, Sheamus.
The match is underway. 20 minutes of brutal, physical, hellacious action ensues.
Sheamus almost takes Orton's head off with a pump kick.
Orton kicks out.
Then Orton hits an RKO!
Winner: Randy Orton
Suddenly, Cenation X comes out and beats down both Orton and Sheamus.
They cut a promo on how they'll dominate WWE.
This is perhaps the greatest sibling rivalry in Pro Wrestling history.
Why not give them a Hell in a Cell match. Kane debuted in HIAC against Taker. Paul Bearer was important in the rivalry back then.
Now, he returns to give the feud a sense of deja vu.
Over the years, they have feuded and teamed up. But now, this may very well be the last Taker-Kane feud.
This time, it's for the Holy Grail, the World Heavyweight Championship.
If WWE plays their cards right, they could take this straight to WM 27.
Let the Brothers of Destruction go at it for 30 minutes.
30 minutes of hell only Kane and Undertaker can endure.
Just imagine the brutality in this match.
It ends with Undertaker putting Kane in a Tombstone Piledriver through the Cell.
All I can say is, if this actually happens (highly doubt it), people will pay the money to watch.
With only 2 weeks of buildup, it will go down as the greatest PPV in the PG Era.
It could be the best PPV of the year, no joke.
Thanks for being patient with the card.
I know I excluded Big Show, but it's nothing against him. I just didn't find a place for him.
If Cenation X were to happen, ratings would skyrocket.
With the Age of Orton upon us, it's now time to pull the trigger and turn John Cena heel.
By the way, what does your sign say over there? Something about Ce- IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR SIGN SAYS!!!