Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
Dallas @ Houston (-4)
Say what you will about the Cowboys’ troubles (and be sure to take a deep breath, for you’ll be talking for awhile), but Dallas is only one game out of the division lead, shared by everybody but them.
With a win in Houston, the ‘Boys are back in business.
“This is a huge, huge game for us,” said Jerry Jones. “As they say, everything’s bigger in Texas, including crises, but not Wade Phillips' head. That noggin is big anywhere.”
“As must-win games go, this is our first of what is sure to be many this year. And, I must say, our record in must-win games is pretty stellar, playoff games notwithstanding. We need this one badly, lest we force fans to endure endless stats about an 0-3 team’s chances of making the Super Bowl.”
The Texans are undefeated and eager for a win over their in-state counterparts. Houston’s Arian Foster exploded for 231 yards rushing in Week 1 versus the Colts, while Matt Schaub torched the Redskins for 497 yards passing last week.
“Our offensive balance is impressive,” Gary Kubiak. “Of course, it would be even more impressive if it happened in the same game. On Sunday, we’ll just take what the Cowboys give us, and if penalties are any indication, that should give us at least a football field’s length head start.”
The Cowboys jump on the Texans early, as DeMarcus Ware harasses Matt Schaub. Mario Williams does the same to Tony Romo, but unlike Schaub, Romo has experience running for his life.
In the end, the Cowboys emerge on top in a wild affair, taking a 33-30 victory for their first win in Texas, and the headline “Blazing Saddles” adorns the sports page of Monday’s Dallas Morning Herald.