New England @ NY Jets (-1)
Things are just peachy for Tom Brady. He just signed a new, $72 million contract, he’s married to Brazilian supermodel Giselle Bundchen, and the three-ringed Super Bowl champ’s cologne, “Smell The Fingers,” sold double-digit bottles last year.
Not so much for Randy Moss. There’s no supermodel and no fancy cologne, although Moss has been shopping his own fragrance, a scent that captures the essence of the rugged West Virginia wilderness, and the leathery aroma of a regulation football, called “Flannel No. 81.” After last Sunday’s win over the Bengals, Moss spoke less of the game and more of how he feels “unwanted” in New England without a new contract.
“So, Randy wants more ‘bread,’” said Brady. “That’s interesting, because the lack of a new deal leaves him contractually obligated to ‘loaf.’”
“But we’ll certainly need Randy against the Jets. At least to occupy Darrelle Revis while we throw at Kyle Wilson. We’re not stupid. We’ll avoid any visits to ‘Revis Island,’ but I hear the fishing’s good on ‘Wilson Island,’ because everybody’s catching, and there’s a lot of ‘biting.’”
Brady’s contract was certainly big news, but was nowhere near as earth-shaking as Darrelle Revis’ $46 million deal that ended his 36-day holdout and secured the game’s top cornerback’s place in the Jet defensive backfield.
“Sure, Brady’s contract was for more money,” Revis said. “To that, I say ‘Big deal.’ My contract was so historic, it was signed on the deck of the USS Missouri.”
But before we can concern ourselves with the opponent’s passing game, we need to get ours straight. Brian Schottenheimer’s play-calling was so conservative, it made his father, Marty, curse the family name. For this team, it looks like the only bombs that will be appearing will be ‘F-bombs.’”
This will be a game of contrast. The Patriots and their dynamic, pass-happy offense against the Jets and their physical defense. The affable Rex Ryan against the staid Bill Belichick. Heck, even their treatment of female reporters wildly differs. The Jets try to incorporate a female reporter into their workout; the Patriots greet their female reporters with a whip out.
Patriots win 22-16.