College Football Mascots: Queer Cheers for the Straight Guys?

Eddie DzurillaCorrespondent ISeptember 15, 2010

College Football Mascots: Queer Cheers for the Straight Guys?

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    Brian Bahr/Getty Images

    That’s so gay.

    It may be politically incorrect, but anyone who has a teen has heard this phrase repeatedly.

    This is gay, that is gay, blah, blah, blah.

    Gee, I didn’t realize that the alternate sexuality universe was so prevalent amongst our teen denizens. Whoda thunk?

    Such as it is, gay culture continues to enter the mainstream, as epitomized by the popular show Queer Eye For The Straight Guy which aired from 2003 to 2007 and managed to win an Emmy in 2004.

    Rumors say that one of the reasons that BYU was snubbed by the Pac-10 was the LDS church's opposition to gay marriage. 

    Despite some setbacks in the battle for marriage rights, overall, the movement towards gay themes, entertainers, politicians, and style continues to permeate our society.

    From Barney Frank to Ellen Degeneres, no one blinks an eye anymore when a public figure is gay.

    They’re queer, they’re here, get used to it.

    Here at, we’re happy (shall we say gay) to report that this cultural phenomenon has not missed the college football ranks.  We present to you the top ten gay mascots in college football today.

#10: Big Red, Western Kentucky

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    If there ever was a mascot that would cause a bunch of teens to mutter “that’s gay,” it's Big Red of the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers. 

    The polymorphous blob can best be described as “interesting."

    And did anyone notice that he and Patrick of SpongeBob SquarePants have never been seen in the same room at the same time?

#9: Goldy Gopher, Minnesota

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    Minnesota brought us legendary tough guys like Paul Bunyan and Bronco Nagurski.

    It also brought us Goldy Gopher. 

    To say that ol’ Goldy ain’t exactly striking fear into opponents is, shall we say, an understatement.

    This has been reflected in the Golden Gophers' results this year.

#8: Mule, Army

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    He’s rough, he’s tough, he’s buff, and he looks like he’s no stranger to intriguing uses for leather wear. 

    Ya know, harness, saddle, chaps, collar.

    Who knows? Rumors abound but…

    Hey, don’t ask, don’t tell.

#7: Tree, Stanford

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    Doug Benc/Getty Images

    From the land of lotus-eating, zen-worshippin’, Volvo-drivin’, computer-geekin’, funny-stuff-smokin’, self-aware people comes… the Tree.

    Stanford used to be Indians, but that is a big ol’ no-no, so now they are… the Tree.

    Wow. Gay.

    And not in a good way.

#6: Mr. C, Vanderbilt

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    Scott Halleran/Getty Images

    Mr. C mixes a mean martini, always dresses with flair, and is always impeccably groomed. 

    He turned down a spot to be the sixth member of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy due to a previous commitment for a wedding planning symposium.

    Pass the Grey Poupon.

#5: Benny Beaver, Oregon State

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    Ethan Miller/Getty Images

    Hairy armpits, hairy legs, patchouli oil, and granola: Welcome to the People's Republic of Corvallis, whose mascot is Benny Beaver.

    Many don’t realize it, but Benny is short for Bernadette. Before becoming a mascot, she used to play catcher in softball.

    Grrrrl power, baby.

#4: Pistol Pete, Wyoming

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    Ethan Miller/Getty Images


    "We are not gay.  We don’t know any gays.  We don’t even have any fashion sense. 

    "Maybe you’re mixing us up with all those weird people from California who come here to vacation at Jackson Hole.

    "And don’t go starting with that Brokeback Mountain thing.  Give it a break. Sheese.

    "And we’re called the pokes cause… oh, never mind."

#3: The Leprechaun, Notre Dame

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    Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

    Aye, he’s a wee little lad who looks so cute and cuddly. 

    If ye don’t watch it, he’ll have to give you a wee little kick in your knee with his wee little foot.

    Aye, an' then he'll be sayin' his Penance, he will.

    Me thinks the Irish should go back to the Terrier.

#2: Cocky, South Carolina

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    Mike Zarrilli/Getty Images

    80,000 people screaming “Go Cocks” every Saturday.

    'Nuff said.

#1: Herbie Husker, Nebraska

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    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    Whoa, big fella.

    Herbie, whose has one brother, Little Red, and another brother who works as an icon for the Big Boy hamburger chain, is the epitome of the chubby little kid who always got picked last to play softball. 

    So, he took up cooking and such.

    But he loooooves them Huskers.

    They just look so handsome and, well, husky in those nice uniforms of theirs, what with the tight pants and big ol' shoulders and such. 

    Inside sources say that Herbie has been seen cavorting with future conference mate Goldy Gopher during the offseason, drinking Chablis while listening to Johnny Mathis tunes and shopping for some kitchenware.

    You big goof, you.