Darrelle Revis Holdout: Revis and Agent Finally Agree to Deal with New York Jets

Larry KornweissCorrespondent ISeptember 5, 2010

UPDATE: 9/6/10, 12:50 am—Rich Cimini of ESPNNewYork.com reports that Darrelle Revis and the New York Jets have agreed to terms of a deal that will end his holdout. 

With that said, readers should know that the article you are about to read below was originally published about 30 minutes before news of the deal came out and will now serve as a permanent tribute to the saga formerly known as the Revis Holdout.  And you know, if I were Tim Cowlishaw I'd say that my satirical piece was the driving force behind the quick late-night deal, but I won't do that.  So enjoy the satirical piece below...

The situation with the New York Jets and their star holdout cornerback Darrelle Revis has become more than just a joke at this point.  Different sports writers and TV news reporters are all trying to further their own careers by fanning the already burning flames of the Revis rumor mill.

Will Revis be a Jet in 2010 or will he sit out the entire season?  What is coach Rex Ryan doing about the situation?  What will Revis do if his grandmother wins the big jackpot at her local bingo hall?  Will this take some of the "financial pressure" off of him and allow him to head back to Jets camp? 

Rumors, rumors.  Nobody knows how or why they get started but in some cases they actually come to fruition.

On July 15, 2010, sources at MTV confirmed a widespread rumor as fact when it announced that new episodes of Mike Judge's iconic 1990s pop culture show "Beavis and Butthead" would soon be in the works.

With Revis and his agent Neil Schwartz still holding the New York Jets and their fans hostage to an ugly holdout drama, I thought it would be fun to let Jets and NFL fans have a sneak peek at the script of a new show that I've created.  One which is based on American pop culture...

Revis and Butthead. 

Judge wasn't available to do the voices so the roles of Revis and Butthead are being played exceptionally well by Revis and Schwartz themselves.  Here's how the intro will go:

"Huh huh huh...hey Revis."

"Uh, heh heh...yeah Butthead?"

"Jets came uh, pretty close to winning the Super Bowl last year huh?"

"Heh heh, yeah—it was pretty cool!"

"Huh huh huh, Revis—you were a big part of that.  Huh huh huh.  Right?"

"Heh heh, yeah I was.  It was pretty cool!"

"Hey Revis.  Huh huh huh.  I have an idea.  Hold out for more money.  Chicks love money and I want to score." 

"Heh heh, yeah they do.  Heh heh.  But I already have a lot of money and want to win a Super Bowl.  Coach Rex will be mad!"

"Huh huh huh.  YOU have a lot of money but I need more.  I want CHICKS and I NEED more money to score."

"Heh heh.  Umm, OK.  I'll hold out.  But Coach Rex is going to be really, really mad."

"Huh huh huh, dammit Revis—shut up!  I don't care about you, I want to score!"

And so begins the saga of Revis and Butthead.

What will happen in the coming days and weeks ahead for our lovable, bumbling idiots?  Will Revis make it back to the Jets before the Baltimore game and before Coach Rex gets really, really, really mad at him?  Will Butthead Neil Schwartz get enough money out of Revis' contract negotiations to help his own personal score?

Tune into the coming days to find out.