Boston Massacre: Randy Couture Kills James Toney at The TD Garden

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Boston Massacre: Randy Couture Kills James Toney at The TD Garden
Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images

NABO and IBA heavyweight boxing champion James “Lights Out” Toney was embarassed in his mixed martial arts debut Saturday night against UFC Hall of Famer Randy Couture in the octagon at UFC 118 at Boston’s TD Garden.

Couture (19-10) immediately tossed Toney (0-1) to the mat with ease and managed to submit the portly puglist with an arm triangle choke at 3:19 of the opening round.

Toney (72-6-3-2, 44 KOs), named Ring Magazine Fighter of the Year in both 1991 and 2003, was a very skilled prizefighter who won titles in multiple weight classes.

However, Toney is also a hideous physical specimen who was twice pinched for using the steroids boldenone and stanozolol.

“Toney couldn’t have beaten Couture in his prime and he thought he could even compete with him in the condition he’s currently in,” questioned Brad Sherwood, 30, a trainer at Gold’s Gym in Medford.

Nevertheless, for whatever reason, UFC President Dana White ludicrously expressed confidence that Toney could flourish in the world of mixed martial arts.

Toney was trained by famed MMA instructor Juanito Ibarra to endure the 199 seconds pounding Couture administered on him last night.

“We worked on stretching, sprawling, and movement, all the things he needed to get a handle on,” said Ibarra, who once trained Quinton “Rampage” Jackson.

Even at 47 years of age, it was inevitable Couture, the only five-time titlist in UFC history, would lambaste "Freddy 'Rerun' Stubbs" Toney with his ground-and-pound attack.

“He was running his mouth saying he was going to knock everybody out,” said Couture, a three-time National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) Division I All-American wrestler. “I’m happy I welcomed him to MMA.”

Ultimately, Toney’s foray into mixed martial arts will be unsuccessful and brief.

Toney is a butterball and he has zero business whatsoever changing industries at the age of 42.

Couture confirmed that contention quickly and put Toney out of his misery without even breaking a sweat.

Toney deserves a granule of praise because he is not a cowardly clown pocket.

He ran his fat trap and attempted, albeit poorly, to validate his trash talking.

Nevertheless, Toney is delusional and he was misguided to even own hope that Couture wouldn't rapidly put his "Light's Out."

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