Let me start off by saying that this all starts with bad parenting. Teach your kids the difference between right and wrong, smart and stupid. If we could just handle the basics, kids wouldn’t grow up and make stupid decisions. Sadly, in some cases, the damage is done. Which is why we have a situation now where PEDs(Performance enhancing drugs) are at the forefront of sports conversation. They’re incredibly prevelant, and seem to always be a step ahead of the rules. As soon as they test for one, a whole new drug is developed, and is even harder to detect. We’re constantly, and for good reason, asking ourselves ’I wonder if this guy juices?’ There’s no denying that PEDs are a big part of sports culture. And it’s simply ignorant to think that it will go away. As long as there’s competition, competitors will look for any edge they can get.
So why fight a war you can’t win? We all know that steroids are a dangerous drug and are most definitely not for kids. And we can all agree that PEDs aren’t good for sports in the current format. We have guys who go about it the right way, and actually care about their bodies, competing against roided out hulking freaks who could care less about back acne or testicular well-being. Some guys will harm their bodies to get an athletic edge. It’s not a level playing field. So why not divide the playing field? Here’s where I lose you if I haven’t already. Why not have a seperate league for guys who want to use PEDs? We could call it the ENFL (Enhanced National Football League), or EMLB for baseball. You could have an alternate league for all the sports. Listen, I don’t think taking these drugs is a good idea. Personally, I never would. But what another adult wants to put into his or her body is none of my business. If we can drink until our liver explodes, our eat combo meals until our arteries burst, why are steroids illegal? I understand why they’re banned from sports, but it shouldn’t be against the law for a person to destroy their own body. So why not make a little money off of them? There’s a perfectly good half of a year without football that could very well be occupied by a professional steroid league. We’d still have the regular leagues, and we’d know that they were clean. But in the offseason, we’d get to see a whole new league with giant mutated athletes ripping each others heads off. Or a league full of guys hitting 600 ft. bombs. Or even two roided out boxers both with the strength of Ivan Drago from RockyIV giving each other brain damage. When you can’t eliminate a problem, find a way to make everyone happy and turn a financial gain.
So that’s my answer, professional steroid leagues. It would clean up our beloved sports leagues and insure that our cherished stat books aren’t in any way tainted. It would level all playing fields, natural vs.natural, chemical vs. chemical. And people would most certainly watch and attend events, giving those cities an economic boost. See, everyone wins. Problem solved, you’re welcome.
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