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LeBron James Leaves Cleveland, Cavs Owner Retaliates With a Scornful Letter

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LeBron James Leaves Cleveland, Cavs Owner Retaliates With a Scornful Letter
Larry Busacca/Getty Images

If you haven’t heard the news yet, Akron, Ohio, native, NBA basketball superstar LeBron James has decided to move on to another NBA basketball team (The Miami Heat) via free agency, after several unsuccessful years with the Cleveland Cavaliers basketball organization.

LeBron James made this decision after many days of contemplation and flirtation with numerous suitors for his services.

Today, thousands of Cleveland Cavs fans opened their “Facebook” and saw a status update from the official Facebook Cleveland Cavaliers fan page.

The headline was “Dan Gilbert’s Open Letter to Cavs fans.”
On the surface, this seems rather interesting.

After losing the most talented athlete in the NBA, many would wonder what Mr. Gilbert would have to say for himself following another monumental free agency debacle.

And if you follow the link, it leads back to the official Cleveland Cavs home page http://www.nba.com/cavaliers/news/gilbert_letter_100708.html. There you’ll find the Cleveland Cavs majority owner Dan Gilbert making some comments to the fans that I’m sure he’ll come to regret within a year or so.

In the letter, Dan Gilbert throws a child-like temper tantrum.

He makes references to LeBron that are borderline slander, similar to what you might hear from a drunken loud mouth jerk staggering outside of a bar in downtown Cleveland.

Below is his open letter to Cleveland fans, and an interpretation (in parenthesis) of what Cleveland Cavalier fans might say in reply to those comments,

“Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero,”

(Clevelanders: “Your former hero”? Dan, there are still a lot of young fans who look up to LeBron James no matter where he goes, for what he was able to accomplish coming from nothing to become one of the biggest stars in the history of the NBA)

“who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.”

(Clevelanders: We thought that people were free to go and work WHEREVER they want? “Deserted”  is a term that further cements your role in this message as the overdramatic psycho ex-lover)

“This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.”

(Clevelanders: Dan,we can’t disagree with you here, the LeBron Diva treatment towards the fans and the NBA was bewildering to say the least…)

“Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.”

(Clevelanders: Woo Hoo, your gravy train has just run out the door...yee haw!)

“The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.”

(Clevelanders: “NEVER” in all caps? You’re creeping us out Dan! Again, we see shades of the scorned ex-lover coming out…)

“There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.”

(Clevelanders: Don’t give it a second thought Danny boy, intelligent people have merely given you their patronage, these ideals you have are constructs of grandeur in your head. Giving guys dribbling a ball up and down a court the status of idols or gods is a delusion that exists only in your head and in the minds of the weak and simple-minded.)

“In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:”

(Clevelanders: You’ve already said one too many statements, we’ve got enough material for jokes at the water cooler or the lunch room for the next year, but now we are genuinely intrigued with how far you are willing to take this betrayed lover’s note..)

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE

You can take it to the bank. “

(Clevelanders: We have a feeling you’ll have to eat these words…)

“If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.”

(Clevelanders: This is nothing new, Clevelanders hear this every year from this franchise, an invigorated team, ready to take it all next year…blah blah blah..)

“Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.”

(Clevelanders: WHAT? WOW! Where are we going here? Are you seriously going to bring religion into this?)

“Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.”

“This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow up to become. “

(Clevelanders: What about capitalism and free enterprise? These are useful lessons to teach our children, it’s what this country was built upon, not to mention the multi-million dollar corporation you run. I’m sure it would be within the best interest of all the rich people in Cleveland, if we all raised blind cattle for children without free will.)

“But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.”

(Clevelanders: Sorry Dan, after this tirade we don’t think we’ll be sleeping well for the next month.. Clevelanders will have a psychotic Dan Gilbert stalking them in their sleep!)

“Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge, and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner”

So now that Dan Gilbert has inadvertently, publicly admitted that he is suffering from Schizophrenic Paranoia and delusions of grandeur, the whole world can see just how petty and classless one of our major business owners in Cleveland represents himself.

But if that’s not enough to keep you up at night, lets look at something else this city can never live down from this fiasco,

The “We are LeBron” song.

This was a remake of the classic 80’s song “We are the World”, which (if you weren’t an 80’s kid) was a song performed by a large number of relevant pop culture icons at the time in benefit to promote the fight against world hunger and poverty.

The Cleveland remake entitled “We are LeBron” was performed by a large number of wealthy Cleveland politicians and vaguely recognizable broadcast television personalities, who were essentially begging LeBron James to stay with the Cleveland Cavaliers in the song.

Basically it was a collaboration of spoonfed, wealthy jaggoffs, who were attempting to get some face time and some public backing thinking that if you beg “Big Daddy LeBron” enough (while simultaneously jutting out the bottom lip) he'll do what you want.

Which is a rich, spoiled, spoonfed mindset, that is so far off from reality, it compels me to initiate anarchy.

This embarrassment was televised nationally and ridiculed by the national media.

At YouTube, there were over 500 people who voted and said that they liked the video, proving without a doubt, that stupidity is contagious.

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