"Hands off Jimmy": Time for Clausen to Go Third-Person

Dave FinocchioSenior Writer INovember 27, 2007

"Jimmy is one of the more polished quarterbacks to come out from the West in sometime, Jimmy has consistency and accuracy that is second to none. Jimmy is a pure winner, having never lost a start as a prep quarterback. Jimmy's speed would be the only question, though he has good mobility."

- JimmyClausenOnline.org 

"Jimmy doesn't like misunderstandings. Jimmy and misunderstandings, kinda clash. Jimmy's got a compound fracture. Jimmy's gonna get you...Jimmy holds grudges!"

- Jimmy, Seinfeld: Season 5, Episode 19 


This isn't meant in jest so much as it's a recommendation.

Everyone already thinks that Notre Dame's young quarterback is a smarmy, over-hyped and underachieving little brat. He may as well have a little fun with it, right?

And if anyone can pull off a third-person get-up, it's Jimmy. 

Hell—any 20 year-old moonlighting as a freshman in college could use an alternate identity. Especially when his long-awaited debut was more like Holiday (Carlyle) than Elway (John).

As a Notre Dame grad and avid, fair-weather fan, I'm here to get the role-play going:

Dave: Jimmy, we've suffered enough without your bunk elbow and wobbly 30-yard passes. Get it together.

Jimmy: Jimmy played pretty good.

Dave: Actually you didn't, Jimmy. You played like shit.

Jimmy: Jimmy's not talking anymore. Jimmy only talks at the College Football Hall of Fame.

Dave: Jimmy, seriously, that's so immature and reflects badly on yourself and your University. 

Jimmy: (silence)


Something of that nature, Jim. Throw some personality our way on media day next year. 

After this season—we deserve to be entertained...