Anaheim Ducks Come to Terms with Ken Armer

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Anaheim Ducks Come to Terms with Ken Armer

In this breaking news story from TSN, it has been announced that the Anaheim Ducks have agreed to terms with un-drafted free agent winger Ken Armer.

Armer, who works as a writer and editor for the online sports Magazine Bleacher Report, will be following in the footsteps of his favorite NHL player of all-time, Doug Weight.(For those who don't know, Ken Armer can't stand Doug Weight) We spoke to Chris Hoeler, Ken’s agent about the signing.

“He’s very excited to be a part of the team he knows and loves,” Hoeler said, “and especially the fact that he’s replacing Doug Weight just adds to the feeling he has right now.”

We then were able to speak with Ken Armer just a few minutes later and he told us, “Of course I’m happy. It’s a dream come true. I especially have to be thankful to by agent ‘Gootz’ Hoeler who contacted Brian Burke about me getting a tryout.”

When asked about his agent, Ken smiled and said, “He’ll be with me for a long time. I’m no Mike Danton you know, I’m not going to kill this kid any time soon.”

We also had to pry him about what it meant to him in replacing Doug Weight. "It's an honor and a privilidge," Armer said. "Dougie was one of the best playmakers in NHL history and had so much speed and pizazz, it's going to be tough for me to replace him, but I think I can manage. I just hope the fans will be patient with this simple kid from Texas."

Armer will join the team for training camp in September and will more then likely make the team right off that bat.

“Armer’s signing has saved us a lot of money. We no longer have to piss away millions at Teemu Selanne to try to force him back this season.” Ducks’ GM Brian Burke told me. “I just hope that the son of a bitch Lowe doesn’t try to steal him from me once he becomes a free agent in three years.”

The contract Armer currently has is a three year deal worth about $6.25 an hour. He will be by far the most underpaid player in NHL history, but he told us he was fine with that. “It’s not about the money. I’m not like Sean Avery or Marian Hossa. I’m a real hockey player who plays because he loves the ice, not the green.” Armer told me.

And when asked about what he plans to bring to his game, he said, “I’m going to bring grit and heart every night. I’m not going to score fifty goals a season, but I’m going to be a team player. I’ll also try my best not to whine, like Sidney Crosby. I can’t wait until the first game we have to play against the Pens. I’m going to flatten the kid out.”

We then spoke to Brian Burke again and he said, “Armer is going to help us beat our number one enemy in the battle of the pacific division...” When I asked him if that ‘number one enemy’ was the San Jose Sharks, Burke shot a glare at me and said, “The Sharks? I don’t give a hootin’ hell about no Sharks. But I do like Mahi-mahi. I hope Ken likes it too, because there will be a piece of sushi waiting for him after each goal.”

And with that, a great story has ended. One of an ordinary kid with dreams of playing in the National Hockey League, only this time, the dream has come true. Stanley Cup, meet Ken Armer!

 

Photo Credit to Earl Sleek of "Battle of California".

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