Dear Atlanta Braves,
Thank you for not waiting until October to break our hearts and let us down, again. Thank you for being kind enough to go ahead and get it out of the way in April. I appreciate you rendering yourself irrelevant before we even hit May, it means less hanging on to false hope through the summer, only to be crushed in October.
You tried to do this last year, only to go on a stirring run late in the year, simply to dash our hopes by coming up a few games short. You kept us hanging on way too long.
You have become the high school girlfriend. You’re the girl we know is going to leave us when you go off to college, but yet, we can’t let go. We hang on as long as we can, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, something will happen that will convince you to stay. In the end, the goodbye just hurts that much worse.
This time you chose to break up with us after prom. This allows our hearts plenty of time to heal and be ready to rebound without suffering utter heartbreak. Disappointment? Without a question. Crushing blow? Not quite.
It’s over, and we know it. Maybe the next girl, dressed in red and black and calling the Georgia Dome home will be “the one”. Come late summer, early fall, there will be a new girl in town, and she’ll have our attention.
We are so over you.
Who knows? Maybe at the last minute you will find yourself realizing the error in your ways and want us back. Maybe you’ll suddenly find some way to drastically improve yourself and spend the summer months wooing us back with something inspirational. Maybe you’ll find a way to convince me not to part ways with you. Maybe you’ll come back and everything will be wonderful again.
Oh, wait, what was that I said about not hanging on………….?