Real Life Heels: Tiger Woods

Do you hate this man?  

It seemed like just yesterday that Tiger Woods was the gold standard for excellence. In a sport that didn't exactly personify excitement, Tiger's scintillating approach to the game of golf captivated viewers and fans from all over the world. 

Tiger's wins were punctuated by enthusiastic fist pumps.  His struggles, accompanied by curse words and frustrating gestures that would sometimes leave his trusted clubs in shambles. 

Before November 2009, it was nearly impossible to dispute the sheer (or near) perfection that was Tiger Woods.  He was Hulk Hogan without the aging.  Babe Ruth with the athleticism.  Michael Jordan, without the indiscretions.  

Or so we thought.

On Nov. 27, 2009, on Thanksgiving weekend and during a time for family, Tiger Woods' personal problems came to a head. 

In a much-publicized fight with his wife, Elin Nordegren, Tiger Woods' perceived perfection literally came to a crashing halt.  It started out with Tiger's Escalade backing into a fire hydrant.

Then all Hell broke loose.  

Mistresses came out of the woodwork.  Perko's waitresses appeared on the Today show.  Even shady HGH doctors linked to Tiger Woods were thrust into the spotlight. 

The ensuing media backlash rivaled every major scandal in the past 10 years combined.  Tiger's delayed response to all this madness eventually came in the form of a written statement.  The statement outed the one-time role model as a chronic adulterer. 

"I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone. " [Tigerwoods.com ]

On Dec. 2, 2009, Tiger Woods turned heel.

In present day, the name Tiger Woods evokes a wide range of emotion from anybody within earshot of such a polarizing term. 

These are the perfect qualities for a heel character who could make ridiculous money for himself and any promoter willing to sign him.  

Tiger Woods:  Tale of the Heel 

• Height:  6 ft. 1 in
  
• Weight:  185 lb.
• Real Life Accolades:  97 PGA Tour Wins, 14 Major wins (Ranks 2nd all-time)
• Turned Heel:  Dec. 2, 2009 when a suspicious car accident degenerated into realizations of multiple affairs.  
• Possible Theme Music: "Eye of the Tiger " by Survivor, "Sexting " by Ludacris, "Sable Theme " (with a Tiger's Roar instead of a Sable)
• Heel Heat Type:  Hybrid Heat aka Cena Heat (A strong mix between boos and cheers)

Tiger Woods' Heel Background

Despite, at one time, being the most revered athlete in the entire world, Tiger Woods possesses many built-in traits that scream heel.  The simple fact that Woods has seemingly 'betrayed' all of his loyal fans with his recent transgressions is a start. 

However before his first mistress even came into the public eye, Tiger has always come under criticism for one reason or another. 

One of the prevailing criticisms of Tiger Woods throughout his career has been directed at his robotic nature.  Many of his comments, during conversations with the media, are seen as fake and disingenuous.

During his firestorm of publicity at the end of 2009, Tiger didn't do any favors for his PR.  Any apology or statement from Tiger Woods, regarding his transgressions, came in the form of a written transcript either read by him or conspicuously placed on his website.

Tiger also often comes under fire for his behavior on the golf course.  He has been known to audibly curse after shots gone array, and has even gone as far as to make threats to members of the gallery who make noise during his swing.  

"The next time a photographer shoots a f****** picture on my backswing I'm going to break his f****** neck " [Actual Quote by Tiger Woods, provided by The Scotsman ]

Before making his much anticipated return to the golf course, this behavior was pinpointed by Tiger Woods himself as something in which he vowed to change. 

Yet just a few days into his return to Golf at The Master's Tournament, Tiger was once again heard cursing after a difficult shot at Augusta. 

All of Tiger Woods' heelish characteristics, many of which have contributed to making him the greatest golfer of all time, could easily be combined to manufacture Tiger Woods into the single greatest heel of all time.

Tiger Woods' Heel Booking

Tiger Woods' introduction to wrestling fans could come in the form of weekly television vignettes.  Leading up to his debut, Tiger would be at various press conferences telling members of the press that 'he is back' and that he plans on making his return as a role model who your kids can look up to. 

All of Tiger's statements during his vignettes, of course, would be written statements read by Tiger himself. 

When Tiger Woods is eventually introduced in front of a live crowd he would initially be accompanied by a beautiful, blond golf caddy resembling his wife.   However week after week, Tiger would come out with a different attractive, female golf caddy.

Before his first match, Tiger could read a written statement to the live crowd as to why he is here, and what his intentions are (winning championships, being a good role model).

"I would like to start out by thanking all the fans for allowing me to return.  I apologize for my past transgressions, and I can assure you a new Tiger Woods has emerged.  I hope to write a new chapter in my life that includes professional success as well as religious enlightenment. 

"My goal is to succeed in the wrestling business while displaying characteristics of a role model that everybody can look up to.  Thank you for your time."

However during his initial match, Tiger Woods would grow increasingly frustrated after failed attempts to put his opponent away. 

With every nearfall, Tiger would grow more and more impatient as he shouts at the referee and drops non-PG expletives in which the commentators would have to apologize for. 

Woods would snap at fans who tried to touch him when he took the fight to the outside. 

Tiger would then go on to lose his first match.

In a fit of rage and poor sportsmanship, Tiger would be booked to attack his opponent after taking a loss. 

Woods would punctuate this brutal beatdown by asking his hot caddy for a specific golf club, and then going to town on the opposition to the boos of the crowd.

One week later, Tiger would be booked in yet another match.  Before this particular match, Tiger would read yet another written apology to the, now incredulous, live crowd. 

After losing again, another post-match beat down would be delivered by Tiger Woods (golf clubs and all) despite his previous apologies. 

Tiger would repeat this process, of adulterer/apologist turned sore loser, for about a month.  A promotion, such as the WWE, could run wild with this character. 

During the obligatory plug for WWE.com on RAW broadcasts, you can already hear Michael Cole's Tiger Woods shoutout before segueing into the next Tiger segment:

Michael Cole:  Ladies and gentlemen, right now on WWE.com, you can read Tiger Woods' latest apology to his fans for his post-match transgressions last week!

Jerry Lawler:  And, while you're there, you can also take a look at a photo gallery of Rachel, that hot caddy who was at ringside! 

By using dirty tactics, like striking his opponent with a golf club he obtained from under the ring while the ref was distracted by his hot caddy, Tiger Woods would eventually begin to win his matches.  From week to week, his pre-match apologies would slowly begin to sound mean-spirited.

"Before this next match, I would like to issue a written statement.  I would like to apologize to the families in this crowd, namely the children.  I would like to apologize that your parents have failed you, and now they must depend on people like me to raise their kids. 

"I'd like to apologize that my transgressions have polluted the children in this audience, because their parents couldn't get the job done when they were given the chance. 

"I hope you are able to look past my past transgressions as I attempt to become your role model, and more importantly, as I attempt to become the parent that you should have had.  Thank you for your time." 

If booked correctly, Tiger's written statements, poor ring etiquette, and implied adultery would garner enough heel heat to shoot him to top of the food chain.  

Woods would eventually find himself in familiar territory as the champion of a given promotion.  As champion, Tiger would eventually reject any notion of that he is a role model. 

As the top heel champion, Tiger's increasingly heelish tactics and lack of family values in the PG era would drive many to the television set just to see him lose.

Tiger Woods, and his signature red polo in any wrestling promotion, could spell green for the promoter.  Recently, there has been talk of the WWE trying to get Tiger Woods to guest host an upcoming episode of RAW in Florida . 

While that would likely never happen, should Vince McMahon get Tiger Woods in the door, he would be wise to use every persuasive tactic at his disposal to get Woods to enter professional wrestling as the new face of the heel athlete.  One could only dream of the possibilities.