Florida Gators' Writers Struggling To Find Stories During Slow Week (Humor)

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Florida Gators' Writers Struggling To Find Stories During Slow Week (Humor)
Scott Boehm/Getty Images

The Florida Gators are one of the NCAA's most successful collegiate sports teams.

They have multiple titles in multiple sports and are generally regarded as an elite program.

The rabid fanbase, ever seeking the next tidbit of Gators news, created an entire segment of journalism devoted solely to covering Gators sports.

Unfortunately for all of those writers, this has not been a good week. Like, literally nothing has happened.

In response to the bore fest, and seeking to not lose readers, some Florida beat writers have gotten creative with their stories.

I caught up with Ben Volin, a Palm Beach Post blogger and columnist, who gave me a quick rundown of what this hell week's been like.

"Normally, covering Gators football and basketball gives me enough material for a year, but this year's been different. I mean, it's been a really slow offseason on the football side, and we're really struggling to find enough info to satisfy daily readers.

"It's like, c'mon, guys, steal your car back from the impound lot or something!

"Then, on the basketball side...you know what? I don't even want to talk about it. I don't think I've written a basketball piece in over a month.

"I had to write a story about Gators walk–ons filing tax returns. Nobody wants to read that, but I hadn't updated in almost 10 days, and my boss was really hammering me to get something out there.

"Mostly I've just been playing Mario Kart Wii with [Orlando Sentinel Gators beat writer/blogger/columnist Jeremy Fowler]. Although, I haven't done that in at least a week because Jerm's a little cheater who waits till I'm on the last turn on the Rainbow Road before he uses his lightning.

"Thanks, jerk! You weren't going to win anyway, but you kept me from winning when you sent me flying over the edge. 

"What happened to teamwork? I thought us Gators guys were supposed to stick together. Oh yeah, you still owe me for the pizza that we were supposed to go halvesies on after the Vandy game."

Note: Jeremy Fowler was unavailable for comment.

With no events of note coming up, don't expect the Gators' writers to have much more to do. It looks like the slow storm will continue into the foreseeable future.

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