Happiness... and Mila Kunis (?)...

“Outstanding, you?”

I responded with these two words the other morning when asked how I was doing. After doing so, I seriously reflected throughout the rest of the day upon how I could honestly use this particular adjective to describe my feelings at the time.

The night previous, my financial crisis had reached the peak of the relationship strain it should cause. The conversation that I had been dreading for some time occurred as my two roommates and I discussed my inability to maintain my monetary responsibilities within our household. This conversation was necessitated because my landlord had contacted my roommate, the primary signee on our apartment's joint lease. Coming clean to my best of friends about my inability to pay rent ranks up there with one of the most embarrassment confessions I have ever had to make. As embarrassing as it was to admit such personal irresponsibility, it was even more disheartening to have to rely on my roommate's mother to pay my share of the rent; no matter how grateful I am for her willingness to do so.

Yet, the next morning, when asked how I was doing, I was totally honest in replying that I felt “outstanding”. For reasons that I am having trouble fully understanding, my mental and emotional health throughout my recent ordeal, dealing with injury and financial disaster, has been undamaged. I attempt to explain the resilience of my positive spirits, and while each reason that I develop makes some sense, none make complete sense. Because I am unable to find work, I have ample time to dedicate myself to fitness. By running, lifting, and swimming daily, my physical conditioning is excellent. And, while that is a source of happiness, I have trouble believing that it is so positively fulfilling that it easily overshadows everything that should be bothersome in my life. Another possible source for my otherwise unexplainable “outstanding” constitution could be my continued abstinence from drinking. If nothing else, this is definitely a source of great personal pride. Additionally, I have noticed unexpected, but positive, consequences from quitting the use of alcohol. My mind being more clear, I communicate more effectively, and I maintain a general feeling of increased confidence on a daily basis. However, even something as life-altering as abandoning drinking should not be so significant that it allows me to nonchalantly discount “little” details of my life such as my potential looming homelessness, or the fact that one more late payment on my loan and I may have my only source of personal transportation taken from me.

Yet, despite being unable to fully explain the phenomenon, I continue to generally and genuinely feel outstanding. I am of the basic belief that I will overcome my current financial predicament and, as my Mom has always assured me, “things will work out for the best in the end”. Perhaps there is no particular source of my positive outlook other than the general demeanor that I have always had. It could be the case that my natural disposition allows me the ability to maintain a positive outlook despite being fully aware of just how bad my current situation is.

And, about Mila Kunis...

Despite being unemployed, I feel like each day lacks the time to complete all the things I intend to do. I have been getting up earlier every morning than I had in the past. However, to compensate and eliminate the time that should be available because of this, I have found that I just workout and run for longer periods. And since I now know that I can run and workout for extensive periods of time, to cut either short, feels like I am cheating or quitting on myself. I guess that this entire paragraph is just a lot of words used to explain that I have spent most of my time on physical fitness when I had intended to spend it otherwise. For example, I have wanted to watch more movies, and respond here to the ones that I had seen recently. Additionally, I have what I believe to be an outstanding concept for a book or screenplay fully fleshed out within my mind, but have yet to make much progress putting it to words.

However, I have seen at least three movies in the last month, and one of them I want to discuss here. I may have mentioned previously that I finally saw Good Will Hunting, and was so moved by the film that I intended to write here at some length regarding the emotions it produced within me. I still intend to do so. In fact, given that my relation to Good Will Hunting is so significant, I feel I can only do my feelings in regards to it justice by dedicating to the film a full entry. So I will not be discussing that film now. Nor will I be discussing too much Up In The Air, which I watched last night, other than to A) say that I would absolutely love to live a life with the travel demands of that maintained by the film's main character, Ryan Bingham, and B) tie my reaction to Up In The Air to my feelings regarding the movie I will be discussing tonight.

Perhaps I have defied the notion that I lack sufficient free time to watch movies, because, somehow, in the last week or so, I have watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall twice. This is a film that I have seen several times in the past. On a superficial level, I enjoy this movie because it is hilarious. Not that it is my intent to characterize myself as intellectually, or in my tastes, snobbish, but I would say with confidence that, as far as sources of entertainment go, I generally enjoy material deeper than that enjoyed by my peers. However, when it comes to comedies, I am as easily satisfied as the next guy. The movies that I consider comedic masterpieces include Supertroopers, Role Models, PCU, and Superbad. And I would place Forgetting Sarah Marshall firmly on the same list.

However, upon deeper reflection upon the film, there is probably more that draws me to it than just the laughter it provokes. I can say with zero hesitation that I relate with 100 percent completion the life philosophy of the main character in Up In The Air. That character, Ryan Bingham, would rather travel constantly than live stably, makes new acquaintances daily rather than foster deep relationships, and is completely ignorant to what benefit can be derived from marriage. The desire to abstain from marriage has always been one that I shared. It has always been my outlook that I would be more free to do the things that I choose to do, no matter how sporadic or misguided, should I have as few people as possible that I loved so much that I felt the need to answer to. I desire more to live life fully on my terms than I care to fall in love. I want no one to be responsible to, and I feel no shame in admitting my own selfishness in that regard.

However, if a woman were to exist that would alter this philosophy of mine, it would be the character of “Rachel”, played by Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I do not necessarily doubt that a woman like Rachel is somewhere out there in the world, but if she is, I have full confidence that I would fail miserably in appealing to her.

Instead of justifying my attraction to a fictional film character, I have convinced myself that Rachel is not much different than the actress whom portrays her, Mila Kunis. I feel much more comfortable in admitting my fascination to Kunis, rather than to Rachel. But, seriously, where are the women out there like this one in Forgetting Sarah Marshall? She is not only beautiful, but completely carefree; the latter characteristic being one of the most attractive traits that I believe a female can demonstrate. She is funny, seems interesting to talk to, and demands nothing of those around her. Most importantly, she is assumes little of others in regards to her own awesomeness and, probably because of this, falls for the rather unimpressive regular dude. So, basically, in my head, I have this idea that Mila Kunis is this down-to-earth, amazing, beautiful girl that would be willing to not only dig a guy that has much less to offer than others interested in her, but because of her carefree attitude, would enjoy doing all the stupid, reckless, spontaneous activities that some of us guys, lacking general common sense, love to do.

In the absence of being as fortunate as Peter Bretter, the “Regular Joe” with whom Rachel develops a relationship with in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I take enjoyment in living vicariously through his character in film. And, besides being an extraordinarily humorous movie, this is why I enjoy this movie so thoroughly. Perhaps that is the magic of film. I may never get the girl that exists in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and I may never live the life of Ryan Bingham, but for a couple of hours, while engaged by film, I can surely pretend to.