Lessons Learned at The NFL Rookie Symposium

Browsing through my ESPN The Mag, I stumbled upon an article about the heavy drinking problem in the NFL that highlighted Jared Allen's road back to sobriety. Allen is proud of his 20-plus months of being sober, but he says that "Everybody here has a story or has gone through something in life. I have nothing to prove."

So what are some of the stories told in the 2008 NFL Rookie Symposium?

Jeff Fisher seemed to continuously beat rookies over the head with lessons that involve alcohol, guns, airport security, and women. Here are just a few taken from NFL.com:

1. The only time an NFL player has a chance to ever truly be considered "off the field" is when he is in the privacy of his home, without any cameras capturing him in compromising situations.
2. An unnamed player who, in 1994, admitted to having a gun that he considered using while being robbed at gunpoint by two men at his apartment. Fisher had the player turn the gun over to him. A year later, the player was released and six months after that, he wound up in jail because a firearm discharged in his apartment during an altercation.
3. A player on the street right now (Travis Henry) with eight kids from eight different mothers. (Authors two-cents: That's a lot of child support)
4. A "dumb" receiver on his team (Brandon Jones) who was recently arrested at Nashville International Airport for having a loaded firearm in a carry-on bag. Jones said he forgot that he had left the handgun in the bag when packing. "You know what he has to do?" Fisher told the rookies. "He has to make three court appearances between the middle of August and Oct. 1. Now what kind of distraction do you think that's going to be for him?"
5. Fisher called for the next slide, taken from photos that recently circulated on the Internet. It was of Young, shirtless and partying. Additional slides showed the quarterback drinking what appeared to be tequila straight from a bottle.
6. Not to forget the beer bong Matt Leinart got caught with at the party earlier this year.

So what did I learn from all of this? Um...lets see...

1. Whenever I go out, I need to make sure there are no cameras capturing me in compromising situations.
2. Don't tell my boss about my nine millimeter stuffed in my pants.
3. Make sure to get tested after a streak like that.
4. Make sure to put my firearm in my checked baggage, still loaded of course.
5. Pour tequila into a bucket, large bowl or saucepan without the label on the side. Drink and refill as needed.
6. A beer bong is interesting, but it belongs on college campuses.

So how do I stack up against my lessons learned so far?

1. Make sure not to do anything stupid at an ATM, at a Red Light, on the Freeway, looking into the web cam, at the occasional birthday party, or when the spy satellite passes over head.
2. The only guns I own are on in my sleeves. (Wow, that was bad...but I couldn't resist)
3. Ive never gone 8 for 8. (Thank God)
   
4. Ive never needed to do that.
5. Havent done that, it sounds like it would end badly.
6. Havent done that either, but Im sure my night would end quickly and I would wake up the next morning with all of my friends now sponsored by Sharpie.

So far it sounds like I would make a pretty good rookie in the NFL. Now only if I had the skills to get me there...

-YOUbeQB.com