Newsflash: Greg Oden Has A Penis, Human Anatomy Still Same

If you listen to sports talk radio or watch any cable sports news outlet, you have probably heard by now that there are some unfortunate pictures of Greg Oden surfacing on the magical internet.  Apparently Oden had taken some nude pictures with a cell phone to send them a “lady friend.”  As with all poor decisions, this one had a consequence.

In this day and age of instant publication and even faster dissemination of information people need to be extremely aware of their actions.  Am I going to ride my moral high horse and wag my finger in disapproval?  Hell no.  Who am I to judge what goes on in people’s personal lives?  I’m not going to say Oden’s foray into amature nude modeling is disgusting and inappropriate but I will say it was ill conceived.

Let’s say you and I start a long distance relationship.  You like me and I think you smell of slightly sour milk but I am willing to let it slide for now.  Now you ask me to let you get a glimpse of my cash and prizes via webcam/picture/self commissioned oil painting.  That is when something I like to call the Back To The Future effect comes in.  There are multiple timelines that can play out from this one seemingly trivial but ultimately massively important decision I have to make.  Do I want to live in the timeline where I’m cool and have a bad ass Jeep or do I want a timeline where my dad gets greased and Biff is working over my mom like The Situation on Snookie?

Since we lack actual flux capacitors (and Deloreans, for that matter) you have to be extremely aware of your actions.  Greg was quite possibly caught up in a round of “Show me your and I’ll show you mine,” and was just too eager to see some mammaries  to remember that he was a seven foot athletic beast who was destined for the NBA.  Don’t you think that thought would have crossed his mind?  Something nagging like, “Hey, if I do this and get super famous and things end poorly with this broad, will my junk be all over Google?” Apparently he is either A; not terribly bright or B and more likely; way too trusting of people.

I know that not everyone can be a cynic (even Conan, who made it clear he will never be one) but you have to be at least suspicious.  I feel bad for the guy, I really do.  I know he has a strong family support system and clearly know right from wrong but this isn’t a right or wrong situation.  It was a matter of maturity and thinking with anatomy other than his brain which I can’t fault him with entirely.  Throughout the course of history dudes have been getting fleeced by women and their feminine wiles.  Friggen Samson was brought asunder because of Delilah and her quest for the source of his power.  I’m not drawing a parallel between Oden and a Greek legend but a woman did bring a world of embarrassment to him.

Is the mysterious “lady friend” responsible for Greg’s loss of face in the public eye?  No.  Did she have a hand in it? Undoubtedly.  The ultimate responsibility lies with Oden and his decision to snap and send those pictures.  I’m sure he’s learned his lesson, albeit the hard way.  Now he has to face the reality that he no longer has that bad ass Jeep in his future and instead will be treated to Biff “wrestling” his mom.