NBA Power Rankings (24 Style) Part 1

Okay, so I took a little break. I know I really had no business taking a break from writing because it’s not like I’m successful and needed a breather from the notoriety and fame. I just needed a breather, my real job’s been kind of crazy and I wasn’t motivated to write. But I have a new perspective on things and I’m ready to get back on the saddle. I haven’t written anything on the NBA since I did my preview before the season started, so I believe that now is as good a time as any to do my NBA Power Rankings.

However, I’m not going to do the typical NBA Power Rankings where people list teams worst to first, cause frankly that’s boring and I don’t do boring. This NBA Power Ranking is going to be influenced by the show 24, seeing that the 4-hour premiere was shown Sunday and Monday night. Each division will be named after a character from the show’s history, and the teams within the division are the teams that I feel best represent the character.

Before I get started, some comments about the first 4 episodes of 24:

Surprises

- I was surprised to see Freddy Prinze Jr. as one of the main characters this year. This wasn’t a good surprise. Prinze plays an operative for the newly opened, and 2050 looking Counter Terrorism Unit (CTU). All I have to say is, what executive’s ugly daughter did Prinze sleep with to get that gig?

- I saw Chloe O’ Brian smile in hour 4. If you’re a fan of the show, that statement should trigger a response of “WHAT?”

- I was surprised to see Kim Bauer not being chased by a mountain lion, being held hostage, sleeping with someone at CTU, or causing some emotional conflict for Jack in which he ways defending his country against spending time with Kim, her husband, and her daughter. Crap!! The last thing happened in the first episode. See, something stupid involving her happens so often, I’ve become immune to it.

- I was surprised to see some conflict affecting the President of the United States. (sarcasm) 

Now without further adieu…

Kim Bauer Division- These teams are very similar to the character of Kim Bauer, irrelevant and should be blown up and taken into another direction. When I say blown up in regards to Kim, I’m being literal.

(Quick blurb about Kim. My friend Sean texted me during hour 3 of 24 and said the following: “Is it bad that I would willingly sacrifice the 3 year old girl (Kim’s daughter) if it meant Kim died?” No it wouldn’t Sean, no it wouldn’t.)

New Jersey Nets (3-37)- Can NBA games be blacked out? If so, don’t be surprised if it happens at a Nets home game this year. Two things about this team, one is that they play hard. I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure of watching a couple of their games this year; one against the Celtics and one against the Lakers. They hustle and try their hardest, but in both games it became laughable how many discrepancies there were between their roster and the Celtics and Lakers roster. Second thing I’ll say about this team; has there been a bigger post NBA All-Star freefall than what’s going with Devon Harris right now. He’s awful. At least last year he occasionally gave hope to Nets fans by having monster games, leaving them with the dreaded thought of “Wait till next year”. Well, next year is here, and Nets fans hate what they wished for.

Minnesota Timberwolves (9-33)- What the hell happened to this team? This team went from promising to promising disappointment. Towards the end of last year and in the first couple of weeks this year this team was fun to watch. Al Jefferson on the block, Kevin Love playing 60’s style basketball, it was great. But since then Big Al got hurt, and all of a sudden there’s news coming out of Minnesota that either player can’t stand each other, and they’re shopping Jefferson to other teams in the league. Minnesota, wasn’t this guy supposed to be your franchise center for years to come? Now you’re shopping him around? WTF? But I’m sure if you’ll ask general manager David Kahn what on earth is going on in Minnesota, he’ll have the same answer as me, “I have no idea what’s going on.” Would there ever be a time where Minnesota fans wanted Kevin McHale to come back?

Edgar Stiles Division- If you don’t remember, Edgar Stiles was the lispy, overweight and entertaining co-worker of Chloe O’ Brian in season 5. He wasn’t really a story line unto himself, but whenever Edgar was on screen, he was entertaining to watch. The following teams are similar to Edgar because you know they’re not going anywhere, but its kind of fun to watch them, in a car wreck-ian sort of way.

Golden State Warriors (12-27)- Speaking of car wrecks, this team is a complete demolition derby. I try and watch this team whenever they’re on for three reasons:

1. To see if this will be the game where Don Nelson is caught drinking on the sidelines.

2. To see how many shots Monta Ellis will jack up during the coarse of the game.

3. To see if Anthony Randolph tweaks out and does some horrifically awful.

4. To hopefully see Stephan Curry utter the words “There seriously wasn’t another team that wanted to draft me?”

Washington Wizards (14-26)- The whole situation with Gilbert Arenas should prove to everybody that God has a sense of humor. A Wizards star player brings unregistered guns into the team facility, and what was the team name before the Wizards, the Bullets. Come on!!! You can’t make that stuff up!!! In all seriousness though, the main reason why I watch this team is to see how many Bullets/Guns/Gilbert Arenas/Javaris Crittenton jokes I can come up with. Here is my top three up to this point:

1. “Javaris goes around the screen, he shoots…duck!!!”

2. “The Wizards are definitely snipers from long range tonight!”

3. “Flip Saunders seems a little bigger than usual. What the hell is that!? Is that a bullet proof vest?”

This team is entertaining from a basketball standpoint because I always like to watch Antawn Jamison and Caron Butler. Just too bad that one, if not both, will be playing for a different team come February.

Detroit Pistons (14-26)- If you pay two players a combined $100 million, you would assume they would be starters on a team for years to come. In this case however, you’re assumption would make you an ass. Ben Gordon (5yr-$60million) and Charlie “Avatar Extra” Villanueva (5yr-$40million) are the sixth and seventh men off the bench for the Pistons. Even David Kahn says that decision was dumb. Yeah, I said it. It’s a shame good players like Richard Hamilton and Tayshaun Prince have to play on this team. One standout for them so far has been rookie Jonas Jerebko. This now makes them 1 for 2 in drafting European big men, but the first decision was such a doozy that it might take 10 Jonas Jerebkos to make up for the Darko catastrophe.

Philadelphia 76ers (13-27)- The 76ers best accomplishment has nothing to do with on the court play. The best thing they’ve done is go back to the old school, Dr. J 76ers style uniform. Every team I feel needs to go back to the old style uniforms, I think most of the current uniforms are terrible. I terms of on the court play, the younger and more talented A.I., Andre Iguodala and Louis Williams have played well for this team so far. And after the big “Welcome Home” celebration that the other A.I. received, the buzz from that is all but over. Hopefully this is the last stop on The Answer Express, because if the train hasn’t come off the tracks yet, it’s close too.

(BTW: Even though I listed the Wizards, Pistons and 76ers in this division, they all still have an outside shot of getting a playoff spot in the East. Ugh!)

Chloe O’ Brian Division- Chloe O’ Brian never pulls punches when it comes to anything. She tells you what’s on her mind, whether you like it or not. She has quite a feisty personality. The following teams have the Chloe O’ Brian personality; feisty.

Milwaukee Bucks (16-23)- This might be hard for a lot of die-hard NBA fans to comprehend, but the Bucks are only 2 games out of the 8^th seed in the Eastern Conference. I understand that the Eastern Conference is Pamela Anderson top-heavy, but give them a little credit. Rookie Brandon Jennings is leading the team in both points and assists, and has proven that he can compete in this league. I guess scoring double nickel within your first ten games in the league will prove that. Center Andrew Bogut is averaging a double-double (15 points, 10 rebounds), and is starting to prove that he was worth being a #1 pick. It’s just too bad Michael Redd’s in witness protection, or this team might have a shot to make some waves in the East.

New York Knicks (17-24)- Wait for it…wait for it…I’m actually going to give the Knicks some praise. Mike D’Antoni has to be given much “props” for making this team relevant again. His D’Antoni ball has definitely made this team fun to watch, and has given New Yorkers something to look forward to. David Lee is averaging a double-double (19 points and 11 rebounds), Danilo Gallinari is an exciting player, even if half of the excitement is how far from the three point line his next shot will come from, and Nate Robinson has risen from the dead to become a viable scoring threat. They are currently one game behind the Chicago Bulls for the 8^th spot in the Eastern Conference. If Cleveland stays atop the East, who isn’t rooting for LeBron against the Knicks in the first round? That situation could be the first time in history where a home team’s fans root louder for a Superstar on the opposing team. 

Indiana Pacers (14-27)- With impressive wins over Phoenix, Orlando, Boston, and Toronto, Indiana has shown that they can play with some of the better teams in the NBA. Danny Granger has consistently filled up the box score game after game, and I believe that he’s one of the most underrated players in the NBA. The guy does a lot of things very well; he rebounds, scores, shoots for a pretty high percentage, and plays pretty good defense. Troy Murphy has given them a decent post threat, and Roy Hibbert is quietly coming along as a consistent rebounder and scorer. His best game of the season came against Dwight Howard and the Magic where he just completely dominated Dwight Howard for 4 quarters (Hibbert went for 26 points and 8 rebounds, where Dwight Howard went for 11 points and 15 rebounds). Definitely a feisty team.

New Orleans Hornets (21-19)- After stumbling out of the block to say the least, New Orleans over the past couple of months has played a lot better, pushing themselves over the .500 margin. I’m not sure if this is valid or not, but they started to play a lot better after Byron Scott was fired as their coach and Jeff Bower took over. Chris Paul isn’t scoring as much as years past, but he’s right up there in assists per game (19 points and 11 assists). David West is a good low post guy and Peja Stojakovic is his streaky self. Still not sure why the traded away Tyson Chandler, seems like they had a pretty good pick and roll, alley oop combination with Chandler and Paul. Only two games out of the 8^th playoff spot in the West.

Nina Myers Division- The following teams don’t represent Nina Myers personality, but they are surprising like when Nina shot Jack’s wife in season 1.

Sacramento Kings (15-25)- This is probably the most surprising team in the league. Before the season, there were questions about who on this team was going to score, debates on how many games the Kings would lose, and if Tyreke Evans could be decent at the professional level. Not only has he been decent, but I believe he’s the odds on favorite for being rookie of the year. With a suspect jump shot at best; he’s been able to average 20 points per game so far in his rookie campaign. That’ not the most impressive part, the ease in which he gets to the basket is frightening. His dribble drive penetration is definitely something to watch. Also rookie Omar Casspi has been a pleasant surprise, averaging 12.8 points per game, shooting 47% from the floor and 42% from 3-point land. Well see how Kevin Martin coming back affects the team chemistry, but if Evans and him can co-exist, this is a scary team to defend.

Memphis Grizzlies (22-18)- It seems as though that getting rid of Allen Iverson was the best thing that the Grizzlies could have done. Since then they’ve played great and this is the first time in a while they’ve been over .500 and a fun team to watch. The standout for them so far has been Zack Randolph. So far this season he’s been averaging 20 points and 11 rebounds per game, and he definitely seems motivated. In the past he’s been anything but motivated, and easy to handle, but this year he seems to be on the right track. Combine Randolph with a facilitating and always improving O.J. Mayo, a skinnier and more productive Marc Gasol, and a quietly improving Mike Conley (averaging 10 points per game, 5 assists per game, and shooting 42% from 3-point land), you have yourself quite an exciting team. Rudy Gay is still a little hit-or-miss for my taste, but when’s he’s on, he’s a threat. Memphis is only 1 game back of the 8^th playoff spot in the West and I’m openly rooting for them to get into the playoffs, it would be great for the city and the franchise as a whole.

Los Angeles Clippers (18-22)- Comparing this season to last, this season is a pleasant surprise for the Clips. Most importantly, Baron Davis has played in all 40 games this season (as I’m saying this I’m knocking on my desk). If you’ve followed his career, he’s never been the healthiest player in the league. For those who haven’t followed his career that’s a severe understatement, just like Tiger Woods has never been the most faithful husband in the world. In 40 games this year, Davis is averaging 16 points and 8 assists per game. As Baron goes, so do the Clippers. In addition to Davis, Chris Kaman is averaging 20 and 9 a game and Eric Gordon is turning into a good third option to Davis and Kaman. I think the most underrated player for this team is Marcus Camby; he’s their anchor on the defensive end. So far this season he’s averaging 11 rebounds and slightly over 2 blocks a night. He’s playing so well right now that I’m expecting to see Edgar Padilla and Carmelo Travieso as he’s wingmen and John Calapari as his coach. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but, BEWARE OF THE CLIPPERS!!!

Charlotte Bobcats (20-19)- Again, I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but the Charlotte Bobcats currently have the 6^th seed in the East. No matter how you feel about Bobcats coach Larry Brown, the guy can flat out coach. Who also knew that a decision made by Bobcats President Michael Jordan would work out? When they acquired guard/forward Stephen Jackson from Golden State early in the season, that gave them a go-to scorer in crunch time and he hasn’t disappointed. Gerald Wallace is having his best year as a pro; scoring close to 19 points a game and grabbing 11 rebounds in the process. Raymond Felton is turning into a really good point guard and most importantly, the Bobcats now play pretty stingy defense. That’s one characteristic of all Larry Brown teams, well except when he coached the Knicks (mulligan), is that they play hard defense. With them playing hard nosed defense and if Jackson can carry them, they might give teams fits in the playoffs.

Part 2 coming in the next couple of days.