Open Mic: Ken Armer Named Anaheim Ducks GM, Selanne and Niedermayer to Coach

Ken ArmerSenior Writer IJune 26, 2008

Ladies and gentleman, the recent stepping down of Brian Burke to pursue a job with the Toronto Maple Leafs has left me, Ken Armer, the Anaheim Ducks General Manager. How an amateur hockey writer from Texas becomes a General Manager I will never know.

First order of business is that the NHL Board of Governors has selected the sale of the Ducks to a close personal friend of mine, Aria Grant.

(Ms. Grant stands, moves to the podium and after a short speech turns it back over to me)

Ms. Grant and I have already spoken very heavily about the decisions I am about to highlight. Between now and the beginning of the season, the following actions will be implemented for the organization.

-   In exchange for the Ducks' overlooking the fact that Brian Burke is still on contract with the organization, the Toronto Maple Leafs have offered a first round draft pick next season along with the contract rights to Pavel Kubina. The Anaheim Ducks look forward to his added talent on our team.

-   The naming rights to the Honda Center have been changed to The Pond at Honda Center to keep with Mighty Ducks' tradition and blend it with the new Ducks' image.

-   Randy Carlyle will step down as head coach and now assume responsibilities as Assistant General Manager

-   Teemu Selanne has chosen, in light of the recent changes, to retire and will fill the new void as the Ducks' Head Coach and will handle all of the offensive strategy and game planning.

-   Scott Niedermayer, like Selanne, has also chosen to retire and will be the defensive coach for the Anaheim Ducks.

-   Brent Severyn has been named the strength and conditioning coach to the Anaheim Ducks

-   Doug Weight was released and Corey Perry was resigned (contract details are not disclosed as is club policy)

-   In exchange for a second and third round pick in 2009, Andy McDonald will rejoin the Anaheim Ducks from the St. Louis Blues

-   Andy McDonald will be named the Ducks captain, with Alternates being Francois Beauchemin, and Ryan Getzlaf.

-   Todd Bertuzzi has been spoken with and he will be moving to a center position in training camp. If he works out well, he will run our “enforcer line”

-   With the salary left over from Scott Niedermayer and Teemu Selanne, the Ducks announce the signings of Ryan Malone and Darcy Tucker. Both have been signed to multi-year contracts. We look forward to both joining the team.

-   The Anaheim Ducks will play a pre-season game against the Dallas Stars, in Iowa.

-   The Iowa Stars will now become the Iowa Renegades and for the 2010 season will move to Kansas City from Des Moines. The Renegades name is in reference to the lawlessness attributed to the Midwest due to figures like Jesse James during the settling of the West.

-   Ducks 2008 second round draft pick Nicolas Deschamps will be invited to training camp and is expected to play at least half the year in Anaheim.

-   The Anaheim Ducks and Los Angeles Kings have announced that once a week scrimmages on Mondays, with coaches selecting members of the teams, and the players changing each week. All goaltenders in the Ducks system will receive playing time. This will provide prospects time against veterans and provide them a chance to prove themselves before training camp.

-   The Anaheim Ducks, Los Angeles Kings, and San Jose Sharks have begun a cooperative charity to increase hockey knowledge and popularity of the sport in California.

The expected depth chart for the Anaheim Ducks is:


Perry, McDonald, Getzlaf

Malone, Carter or Deschamps, Kunitz

Pahlsson, R. Niedermayer,Marchant

May, Bertuzzi, Tucker



Pronger, Kubina

Beauchemin, O’Donnell         

Schneider, Huskins


Giguere – starter, Hiller – backup

Ken Armer finishes the presentation, and waits for the Media (that’s you Bleacher Report) to fire questions. Let’s have some fun with this everybody!

To Ducks fans and Bleacher Report Readers who dislike my “changes”:

Before you start sending me hate mail, I was just having a little fun, letting my mind wander. Most of this stuff is far fetched, but I needed to string a story together and I tried to make it as semi-possible as I could.

If the post is rude, and is not a question, it will either be ignored or marked as offensive if it is way overly rude.

Comment / Question away my friends!

 **Thanks to Alan Bass, his joking banter with his "media" gave me the idea for this article, nice article Alan!**