As the Winter Olympics draw closer, one thought keeps popping into my head:
Who cares? I mean, really, who cares. Beyond the hockey, which can be exciting, is there really a need to watch this? Does Greece even have a team in this thing? Beyond the nonsensical, blind nationalism that is stirred up for this event every four years, what is the real draw? The luge, the biathlon, bobsledding, and cross country skiing are just four of the yawners you will be subjected to in just under a month's time. Does anyone, anywhere actually follow these "sports" at any other time other than the Olympics. Does anyone care where the torch is being passed on day 71 of it's "journey"?
In the spirit of progress, here are a few suggestions on how we can make some of the events at the upcoming games more exciting, as well as some suggestions for new events.
1. Combine some of the sports to make them more appealing. For instance, combine the biathlon, which consists of cross country skiing and shooting bulls-eye style targets, with ski jumping. Imagine skiers soaring majestically through the air, looking to break the world record, only to come up just short due to a well timed shot by a biathlon competitor. Sure, there may be some safety concerns to iron out, but it would be a lot more fun to watch.
2. Force the downhill ski competitors to wear cross country ski's for this event. Need I say more?
3. Make the luge competitors go down head first and upside down. Allow competitors from other countries to hurl snowballs at them from the side of the track. No ice or gravel in them though, safety first.
Before Ice Sculpting becomes an introductory sport, here are some new events to consider:
1. Dog sledding. Unlike the athletes, however, not only will the dogs be allowed to take drugs, they will be forced to. Starve the bastards for two or three weeks and then jack them up full of speed and PCP just before the race. Great family fun!
2. Ice fishing. I know what you're thinking, this sounds like it will be boring. Not with power boats and pipe bombs it won't.
Well, that's it for now, have fun watching. I'll unfortunately have to miss the competition, as I would rather be jamming a plastic fork into my eye.