From The Jersey Shore to Lake Minnetonka

The Vikings of the late-90’s and early-2000’s were a spectacle.  So is the cast of Jersey Shore.  Why not draw comparisons between the two?

Angelina – Troy Williamson

As Angelina’s stay on Jersey Shore was short-lived and tumultuous, so was Williamson’s on the Vikings.  They were both moderately tolerated by their roommates/teammates and hated by television viewers.  They not only added nothing to the show/team, but undeniably took away from the overall product.

Nicole “Snooki” - Kelly Campbell

Their statures are quite similar, with the speedster Campbell standing at 5’10” and Nicole Snooki eclipsing the 5-foot plateau only with heels on.  Campbell’s knack for making a big play or two then resorting back to being completely useless to the team is comparable to Snooki’s occasional outbursts/breakdowns every episode then otherwise role as a nuisance on Jersey Shore.  Yes, I guess I am comparing 40-yard receptions to girls creating drama.  Let it be known they also both have girls’ names.

JWOWW - Michael Bennett

40-times and boobs are comparable, let me explain.  What is the first thing you noticed about Michael Bennett? His speed (clocking a 4.13 at Wisconsin).  What is the first thing you noticed about Jenni “J-WOWW”?  Her enormous fake cans (order posters of said cans today at www.jwoww.com/store).  However just as, believe it or not, there are more to women than large breasts; there are more the NFL running backs than speed.  J-WOWW’s face and whore-tastic persona take her from the ranks of attractive females.  Bennett’s speed gave him the potential to be a star in the NFL; however his constant fumbling and proneness to injury take him from the ranks of competent NFL running backs.

Ronnie and Sami - Daunte Culpepper and Randy Moss

These two were more difficult.  I was hesitant to use any truly talented players in this piece, but this combination seemed to fit.  They immediately had connections with their counterparts.  I would feel more comfortable using the Jamarcus “I can’t complete a pass inside 40 yards” Russell and Darrius “Did you say ‘go-route’?” Heyward-Bey as a comparison, but this is serviceable.  In addition to Moss having the most talent on these Vikings teams and Sami arguably being the most attractive female on Jersey Shore; Ronnie and Sami would likely contribute minimal activity to the show if separated, similar to how Moss and Culpepper initially showed little productivity after their messy breakup.  We shall see what kinds of roles Ronnie and Sami take up after their inevitable messy breakup.

Vinny - Matthew Hatchette

Matthew Hatchette? Oh yeah, that guy.

Pauly D - Robert Tate

Thus far, you’re not really sure what Pauly D’s role is on the show.  He seems to work well with The Situation, but doesn’t exactly bring anything of his own to the table.  And let’s face it, you’ll probably only remember The Situation ten years from now.  Robert Tate may claim to have been “versatile,” but as far as I know the definition of versatile is not “ability to suck at more than one thing.”  Tate was a #5 receiver, #4 defensive back and an occasional punt returner.  He was then released.  Pauly D has shown flashes of talent as a wingman and a deejay, but if he had any real talent in either field, he would not be on Jersey Shore. 

Mike “The Situation” - Fred Smoot

This is a match made in Heaven.  Not only do they each have an affinity for talking in the 3^rd person (“I’m not the next Deion Sanders, I’m the first Fred Smoot”), they both seem to place theatrics and chasing poon outrageously high on their list of priorities.  Both are lovable characters you will remember for years to come.  Both also stress the importance of physical exercise. The Situation boasted that he works out for an hour and a half per day and went as far as nicknaming his abdominals “The Situation,” whereas Smoot excited Viking Nation by announcing that he had put on 25+ lbs. of muscle before the 2006 season, leading fans to mistakenly believe he would be able to make a tackle.  He proceeded to miss a portion of that season after breaking his jaw in a single-car crash that resulted from reckless driving on his part.  This is comparable to The Situation “creeping on girls” during the immediate aftermath of his female roommate taking a right hook to the face.  As you saw on last week’s episode of Jersey Shore, The Situation also has the ability to interact with the opposite sex while boating…Smoot is also familiar with this concept.