Agent Zero May Actually be a Secret Agent

Gilbert Arenas, commonly known by his alias, "Agent Zero", caused an uproar recently when he pulled an unloaded gun out on a teammate.

While the general population and the NBA are upset over this latest development, I am enthused for Gilbert Arenas has just reaffirmed what I have been suspecting for the past ten years... Gilbert Arenas is an undercover secret agent.

You may scoff now, but I suggest that you look at the facts.

His nickname is Agent Zero: Sure, it's just a coincidence right? Nope, it's actually the loose thread that unravels Gilbert's secret identity. Wikipedia also tells me that a second nickname for Gilbert has been growing in popularity, "Hibachi". (Possible double agent for the Japanese? Have I gone too far down the rabbit hole?)

He keeps unloaded guns in the locker room: Guns do not belong in a NBA locker room. Gilbert is an exception because he's a secret agent, and he needs to carry a firearm with him wherever he goes. Sure the gun didn't have any bullets, but it was loaded with insults and bruised egos.

He wears expensive suits: All agents dress snazzy, everyone knows this.

He plays for the Washington Wizards: It's convenient that the NBA team he plays for is in our nation's capital. Very convenient. The Verizon Center is less than a mile away from The White House.

Agent Zero hasn't been injured for the past two seasons, he has been off resolving conflicts in Iran, North Korea, and Antarctica: You never heard about the penguin uprising in Antarctica? You can thank Agent Zero for that.

Now that you can see all the pieces laid out and organized, I hope you have concluded as well that he must be a secret agent. That or maybe he's a clown.