November 6, 2009
- FLORIDA: We don’t just cheat in football.
- Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy! I want to be a gator when I grow up!”Mom answers, “Now Johnny, you know you can’t do both.”
- A guy walks into a bar and says, “Hey barkeep, did you ever hear the one about the Florida Gators?” Four huge men stand up
and approach the man. One of them says, “We play football at UF, you wanna tell that joke to us?” The guy replies, “What? And have to explain it four times?”
- What do you call an UF grad wearing a suit and tie? The defendant!
- What is the definition of safe sex down in Gainesville? Placing signs on the animals that kick.
- If you have a car containing a Gator wide receiver, a Gator linebacker, and a Gator defensive back, who is driving the car? The cop.
- How many Gators does it take to tackle Herschel Walker? I don’t know, but it’s more than eleven!
- A UGA grad, a LSU grad, and a Florida grad are waiting to be executed by firing squad. The UGA grad is first, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, “Earthquake!” The firing squad panics and runs away, allowing the UGA grad to jump over the wall and escape. The LSU grad is next, and as he is waiting to be executed, he yells, “Flood!” The firing squad again panics and runs away, so the LSU grad also jumps over the wall and escapes. The Florida grad is last. As he is waiting to be executed, he remembers that the FSU and Miami grads had done, so he yells, “Fire!”
- There was an UF grad who bought a horse from a minister. The minister said, “Say ‘Praise the Lord’ to make him go, and ‘Amen’ to make him stop.” The UF grad took the horse and left. They were galloping at quite a fast pace when they suddenly approached a cliff. The Gator forgot what to do, and kept on yelling, “Stop! Stop!” until he finally remembered. He then yelled “Amen,” and the horse stopped. Seeing that they were saved and only a few inches away from the cliff, the Gator was rejoiced and yelled, “Praise the Lord!”
- A man walks into a store and says, “I would like a orange hat, blue pants, green sweater, and white shoes.” The clerk says, “Are you a Gator fan?” “Yes,” replies the man, “How did you guess–by the color combination?” “No,” answers the clerk, “because this is a hardware store.”
- What is the difference between a Gator fan’s car and a Porcupine? The Porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
- Top 10 Classes at UF.
1) Philosophy: Why Don’t They Spell It with an “F” ?
2) Pre-Law Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States
3) Sandwich Making: A Project Course
4) Hand-Shadow Workshop
5) Subtraction: Addition’s Tricky Friend
6) Cliff’s Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
7) Hooked on Phonics
The College Classroom: A Simulation
9) ABC’s: An Extended Version
10) Literature: Coloring inside the lines
- They’ve hired a new waitress at the coffee shop on north Monroe. She’s a robot. A man walked in and she greeted him at the door. Dinner for one? Yes he replied. She said, tell me sir, what is your IQ? 150 he said. So they talked for a few minutes about global current events. She said excuse me for a minute as another man came in. Dinner for one? Yes the man replied. Tell me she said, what is your IQ? The man said 120. So they sat for a few minutes talking about the possibility of a comet striking the earth and other natural disasters. Another man came in the restaurant and she greeting him at the door. Dinner for one she asks? Yes, replied the man. If you don’t mind sir, would you tell me your IQ? 50 the man said. To which the robot replied, GO Gators!
- What is the difference between Corch Urban Meyers and a litter of puppies? Eventually, the puppies will grow up and stop whining.
- Q. - Why is the Florida mascot a Gator?
A. - It was the only thing ugly enough.
- Q. – How can you become a small-business owner in Florida?
A. - Get a large business and let a Florida grad run it for you.
- Q. -If a stupid blonde, a smart Gator student, and Santa Claus were playing cards, who would win?
A. -The stupid blonde, the other two don’t exist.
- Q. - Why can’t they put on a live Nativity scene at Christmas at the University of Florida?
A. - They can’t find three wise men and a virgin.
- Q. -What do you call a Florida player wearing a suit and tie?
A. -The Defendant.
- Q. -What do they call a “huddle” at Florida Field?
A. -A Drug Ring.
- Did you hear about the Florida Gator terrorist who tried to blow up the Bulldawgs team bus.
He burned his lip on the tailpipe.
- Did you hear about the Gator that broke his leg raking leaves?
He fell out of the tree.
- Why does the Florida football team wear uniforms made out of polyester?
No virgin wool within a hundred miles of Gainesville!
- There was a Florida fan, Georgia fan, and a Florida St. fan walking down the beach. the Florida st. fan tripped over a bottle and a Gennie popped out and said I will give you 3 wishes, 1 a piece. so the Florida St. fan says I want FSU to win the National title next year, the gennie said ok it will be done. The gator fan said I want to build a wall around Gainesville where no one can get in or out, the gennie said ok its done. Then the UGA fan says tell me a little more about this wall?
Well its 50 ft tall 20 ft thick made out of solid concrete nothing can get in or out! said the gennie.
the UGA grad thought for a minute and said ok for my wish I want you to fill it with water!
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