Liverpool FC in the Stars: What Astrology Says!

Usually, I’m not a big believe in star signs, but from what I hear, they say a lot about people. Recently, I decided to look up Liverpool players and their manager to see if their personality and game play is affected.

Andriy Voronin —Cancer (A crab, how appropriate)

“Blonde Vegetable,” “A gift from a secret admirer (Alex Ferguson)” and “What’s his face” are few of the terms I’ve used in reference to him. Yes, Voronin might be a great player, but in all honesty I don’t think he’s a great “Liverpool player.” Lets see what his star sign says about him.

—Cautious—Avoids easy goals? Sounds cautious to me.

—Changeable—Great in Germany, poor in England. Accurate.

—Unable to let go—Got rid of him, yes. He comes back? Yes.

—Untidy, sulky, devious, moody, inclined to self—pity because of an inferiority complex—Need I say more?

Lucas Leiva —Capricorn (A goat?)

I may not know much about him...but here is what his star sign says:

—A very depressed individual—I wouldn’t know!

—The tendency to ruin things by unexpected and utterly irresponsible bouts of flippancy.—I’m not going to deny this

—They can be economists, financiers, bankers, speculators, contractors, managers and real estate brokers—But not footballers.

—Getting too tired out—Oh really? That explains a lot.

Pepe Reina - The Virgin (Virgo, I know...)

—Modest. Claims Casillas is the best goalkeeper in the world. Modesty

—Perfectionist—Certainly seems so!

—Analytical—Great goalkeeping skills, so I guess that must be correct.

—Virgo is the only zodiacal sign represented by a female. I’m sorry Reina, I didn’t make that up.

—Essentially tacticians—Looks like someone gets along with their manager well.

—Liable to indecision—Watch “beachball incident”

Jamie Carragher —The water carrier

Mr. Aquarius, Jamie Carragher displays quite a few Aquarian traits.

—Honest—Carra is someone you’ll never catch cheating or diving. True story.

—Loyal—With Liverpool being his only club ever, and having played more than 500 games for them, can you doubt it?

—Exuberant—Lively, and vocal. Seems a perfect description for Jamie Carragher , doesn’t it?

—Intelligent, concise, clear and logical—Qualities not only for a great defender, but a great future manager ;)

Without water what is life? Without Jamie Carragher what is Liverpool?

Fernando Torres —(The fish?)

Pisces. Yes, sign of water. Which makes the ground slippery, like a fish. Slippery. Which is why Torres seems to slip a little too often. See the connection? No? Okay, ignore that.

—Popular with all kinds of people—In Torres’s case, specially the girls.

—Greatly creative. Have you seen his goals? It’s talent, guys.

—Receptive to new ideas and atmospheres—Which is why he broke records in his first season at Anfield! Class.

—Yearning for new sensations and travel to remote, exotic places.—Exotic places? Dude. You’re from Spain...how much more exotic can it get?

—Better working either by themselves or in subordinate positions.—Lone striker says much?

—Walked on or over in all manner of ways.—Thanks to the opposition players, that fact is true.

Steven Gerrard —Captain Gemini

—Demands attention, admiration.—He doesn’t just demands it. He deserves it.

—Throws tantrums if they don't get what they want—I’ve never seen him throw a tantrum, but has anyone noticed that pouty face he makes when he’s injured and can’t play?

—Intense—Every game. It’s absolutely true.

—Their intellect is strongly analytical—Does this help in making him one of the greatest Midfielders? Maybe.

—Health problems brought on by overindulgence of food, drink, or the night life which only gets worse as you age—Stay away from the junk food and alcohol, Stevie G!

—Mental agility and energy—Sounds like an addition to the recipe of a perfect player!

—Successful. Any doubt?

Rafael Benitez —born under the sign Aries.

Adventurous—Substituting Benayoun for Voronin. Check

Quick-tempered—Behaviour during games. Check

Good champions of lost causes and last-ditch resistance—Istanbul, Double Check.

Higher capacity to speak—Rant directed at Ferguson, Check.

High sex drive—I really don’t want to know.

Looks like my sources were right, star signs really do say a lot of people. I'm going to go look up mine now. What do you think?