Boston Globe columnist Eric Wilbur wrote a recent blog piece tossing around the idea of controversial slugger Barry Bonds shippin' up to Boston.
Wilbur didn't delve into specifics concerning the imaginary deal and, really, why bother?
Forget salaries and negotiation procedures. They just aren't worth mentioning. The long laundry list of red flags involving Barry Bonds is enough to squash the banter before it becomes a national debate.
This silly talk started when Red Sox DH, David Ortiz, was placed on the shelf for an unspecified amount of time with a wrist injury. Of course, who else is capable of replacing Papi's numbers than the human asterisk, Barry Bonds?
Now that you know the origins of the debate, it's time to tell you what you already know and are probably thinking. Upon reading Wilbur's rant, you get the impression that he is taking the Fox News approach to Bonds donning a Sox uni. Fair and balanced, that's Wilbur.
I wouldn't expect Wilbur to take a one-sided approach seeing as how he's employed by a prestigious publication. He's merely setting up a debate for his readers, possibly for entertainment purposes.
But the fact this is even a topic of discussion makes it sound like the Boston media is living in a pre-2004 world. Sure, if you're a fan of the Sox you gotta love the idea of a healthy Papi thriving in the heart of the order, but there's enough offense without Ortiz to start a quadruple A team.
The bottom line is Ortiz's wrist pops, he's likely out for a significant amount of time, and, suddenly, its "code red" on the East Coast as if everyone else in between is a total slouch.
As for Bonds, it simply isn't worth the time, effort, and overall risk. You can point to the baggage, attitude, and out of control media circus, but we're also talking about a guy who's old, banged up, and mentally and physically drained.
We're talking about a 40-plus-year-old who's already missed spring training and a couple months of the season. What's to like about this situation? Think there's more to Bonds not being signed than we previously thought? Hmm.
The red flags don't stop there.
Barry hates and despises Boston for completely irrational and ignorant reasons. He said Boston is "racist," remember? Even if he had an ounce of credibility, I'd still question that statement.
How ironic would it be for Boston to be the only city to suddenly accept the man who stereotyped it not that long ago?
Wilbur posed the question, "If the call comes, does Theo Epstein answer it?"
The short answer is most definitely, "No!" The alternative is Theo ripping the phone cord out of the socket, throwing it against the wall and getting into the fetal position under his desk.
Maybe the Bonds to the Sox deal happens at some point. I mean, it's not impossible and stranger things have happened. Then again, maybe it's pointless hype that's already reached "impossible, no way, never happening" status.
But just imagine the headlines for a moment. "Sox Make Deal With Devil", complete with a huge picture of Bonds and his giant cranium. As if there aren't enough people who loathe Boston sports and their winning ways.
An acquisition of that magnitude may not lead to more wins, but it would certainly lead to more hatred and insults. It'd be a national embarrassment and the icing on the Boston cream pie.
So, just stop. Stop pretending the guy who we all deemed a cancer actually matters now. Stop thinking his numbers and percentages will be beneficial when you consider everything that won't be.
And stop giving him control over the headlines.
When we give Barry Lamar Bonds the spotlight, we leave all that's right with the sport in the dark.