Nostroldumass Reveals This Week's Football Winners

(Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)

So I'm sitting here and I'm wondering, what is up with this college football season?

Injuries.

Upsets.

Boise State in the top 5.

It's like no other season in the history of college football.

Oh, wait, it's not. Come to think of it, injuries and upsets have been happening fairly regularly.

Injuries?

Ever hear of Tony Pike, the underrated offensive leader of Cincinnati? You may not have EVER known his name if injuries hadn't sidelined the two QB's he was backing up at the start of last season.

Dennis Dixon's late season injury may have cost a very good Oregon team a shot at the BCS championship game not that long ago.

Upsets? Just a few fairly recent ones off the top of my head.

Appalachian State taking down Michigan in Ann Arbor. Stanford crushing USC's title hopes as over 40 point underdogs. Navy ends the streak of futility against Notre Dame.

I could name more of both but, hey, who's got the time? Wife, kids, life. Doesn't exactly leave much time for "thorough" research.

Okay, maybe Boise State this high, this early is a pretty infrequent occurrence but I believe they have finished a season in the top five before.

Cincinnati is now in the top ten.

South Florida got up to number two in the polls a few seasons back. And it just beat Florida State.

My point is everything has not gone crazy.

You dead Uncle Pervy is not suddenly shivering 'cause hell has not frozen over.

There's a simple explanation for what is happening this season.

I know, you're thinking here is the part where I start talking about parity in the college game.

About how the NCAA's Title IX legislation has leveled the playing field and allowed the little brothers of football to close the gap in talent.

That the elite football factories can no longer stockpile players like they once did.

Maybe it's because the players are larger, stronger and faster than they have ever been.

A 250 pound linebacker running at full speed is going to leave a mark if he tackles you.

Injuries happen because this is a contact sport.

None of this logically explains why this is happening.

In fact, there is only one logical, indisputable reason why these things continue to happen.

That's right. Global Warming.

Or is it Global Cooling now that solar activity has gone into a low cycle and temperatures are dropping?

Heck, I don't know what it's called now, but it is definitely, beyond a shadow of a doubt the reason everything has gone "whack". I think.

Since I don't have any actual facts to support this claim, I think I'll call up Al Gore for his take. He has a slide show and everything. 

I'll let you know what he has to say on the subject.

And while I'm thinking about it, what's up with the new anti-contact rules? I know it's not exactly on subject but my mind wanders.

It seems like they are aiming to put pink panties on the players with all the new rules.

Horse collar? Leading with the head? Hitting a defenseless player? Coming out of the game if you're bleeding?

Is this still football or has it now turned into a play date with another school?

When I played (okay, it was the stone age), these things were encouraged.

You horse collared someone? "Hey, good job! Way to grab 'hold and bring him down!"

Hitting someone in the head or smacking a receiver as the ball goes by? "Way to punish 'em!"

You're bleeding? "Rub some dirt on it!"

The bone is sticking out? "All right, sit on the bench a minute. We'll tape it up AND rub some dirt on it!"

I'm just saying, it's still football. Let 'em play!

Anyway, what was I doing? Oh yeah, I promised some predictions didn't I?

Okay, here goes.

I, Nostroldumass, being the worlds leading psychotic that I am, hereby reveal exactly how this weekend's games will play out.

Most of the better teams will win. Some won't.

At least one highly rated team will lose and everybody will say "Wow".

Some players will get injured. Most won't.

A highly regarded player may get hurt, in which case someone will say they should have gone pro last year.

And Boise State will still be ranked too high.

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