Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
Brett Favre's debut as Viking quarterback was a resounding success as Minnesota prevailed on the road in Cleveland, 34-20. Adrian Peterson rushed for 180 yards and three touchdowns, but just as importantly, Favre had no turnovers and not once displayed the urge to toss some crazy, underhanded pass.
Favre also showed the boyish, unbridled enthusiasm he is known for, celebrating wildly after a touchdown pass to Percy Harvin.
"I think you can put the talk of a 'divided' locker room to rest," says Jared Allen. "It's hard not to root for Brett, especially since he's on my team. He's got such a 'disarming' quality about him, and that has nothing to do with his history of injuries."
"Brett and I are both country boys, so we bonded immediately over talk of high-powered rifles, camouflage coveralls, and smokeless tobacco. Heck, we're already swapping jeans like giddy schoolgirls."
Only for the Vikes can such a monstrous day from a running back be overshadowed by such a mediocre day from a quarterback. Of course, the Lions' Matthew Stafford would kill to have a day like Favre's.
Then, by extension, Stafford would probably commit genocide for a running back with Peterson's talent. Stafford had three interceptions and a passer rating of 27.4 in a loss to the Saints.
"I don't expect Matthew to run and hide from this," says Jim Schwartz. "He may be a rookie, but he can own up to his mistakes. In fact, he micro-blogged about it on his personal social networking site, Jitter."
It won't be easy for Stafford against the Vikes, either. Running is difficult, and nearly impossible, against Minnesota. Defensive tackles Kevin and Pat Williams are free from suspensions for now, and defiantly wear Dallas Cowboy hats in protest of the furor over their use of the Star Caps supplement.
They'll force Stafford to throw it, which he should be able to do against the Vikings secondary.
But the Lions have to make Favre beat them. What's the best way to do that? Well, they could load the box with 11, or they could call a press conference and order Favre to make a decision immediately.
Peterson goes for 150 yards and one touchdown, and Favre hits tight end Visanthe Shiancoe for a score. With the game in hand late in the fourth quarter, Favre retires to the bench.
Minnesota wins, 34-21.
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