2009 Fantasy Football "Will" and "Won't" Predictions

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2009 Fantasy Football
(Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images)

So you’ve already drafted all 11 of your fantasy football teams for the new season, and you’re now just sitting on your hands figuring out what to do with all the spare time. Mock drafts have deemed themselves irrelevant, and yet you’re still doing two a day like a recovering alcoholic. What do you do?

You have the (un)fortunate task of watching the players that you drafted fall down by the wayside. Not to be pessimistic, but regrets are already being made as you see players you skipped over deciding to tear it up this preseason.

Good thing is: It doesn’t mean anything.

While the preseason can teach you a lot about position battles and how a new offense is being put together, it also does not mean that your studs will perish into fantasy football doom. Sit back, relax, and remember, it’s only five days away from the start of your fantasy football season.

Yes, players like Glen Coffee of the San Francisco 49ers and Chris Henry of the Cincinnati Bengals have definitely increased their value in the preseason. And while you may decide that Coffee is worth a late-round flier, please remember that he still has the likes of Frank Gore in front of him on the depth chart.

I, Bruno Boys Jacob, am going to provide Bruno Boys Nation with some of the more outrageous projections for this fantasy season. I do this so that if they actually come true, it makes me look like a genius. Enjoy!

 

2009 Fantasy Football "Will" Predictions

Aaron Rodgers will cement himself right next to Peyton Manning with 34 TDs and 4,400 passing yards.

Joe Flacco will up his fantasy football appeal, and pass for 3,800 yards and throw for 23 TDs.

Tyler Thigpen will have 25 total TDs and make the Matt Cassel signing pointless.

LeSean McCoy will have more fantasy points than Knowshon Moreno, Donald Brown and Chris “Beanie” Wells.

Kevin Smith and Marshawn Lynch will cement positions in the first round of 2010 fantasy drafts.

Steve Slaton will put up 2,000 total yards and 13 total TDs, making him a perennial top-three pick in 2010.

Donnie Avery will be a top-10 WR by years end with 1,200 total yards (200 rushing) and 10 total TDs.

Lance Moore will play an Anquan Boldin-type role in the Saints offense and put up 1,300 receiving yards.

Hakeem Nicks will easily outplay all rookie WRs to the tune of 800 receiving yards and six to eight TDs.

Zach Miller will be top four in TE receptions with 87, and top 900 receiving yards to go along with seven TDs.

Ryan Longwell will lead all Kickers in fantasy points with a whopping 150-plus points.

 

2009 Fantasy Football Won’t Predictions

Kurt Warner won’t stay healthy. (Just kidding, this projection is not outrageous at all.)

Ben Roethlisberger won’t be a top-20 fantasy football QB in 2010.

Jay Cutler won’t throw as many TDs as he does interceptions.

The man he was traded for, Kyle Orton, won’t last the entire season as the starter.

Oft-injured RBs Brian Westbrook, Steven Jackson, and Frank Gore won’t miss any games the entire season.

Thomas Jones won’t be the best RB on the New York Jets due to 700 rushing yards and four TDs. (Leon Washington, anyone?)

LenDale White won’t score 10 TDs this season. However, he will take 10 shots of patron after the season because he realized he should have kept the weight on.

Terrell Owens and T.J. Houshmandzadeh won’t put up less than 1,100 yards and nine to 10 TDs apiece.

Braylon Edwards won’t lead the league in drops, and therefore will score 13 TDs this season.

Anthony Gonzalez won’t take one step in his progression, but he will take three steps: 1,200 yards and nine TDs.

Greg Olsen won’t be a top-10 TE like everyone hopes. Neither will Vernon Davis (like I hope).

Stephen Gostkowski won’t lead the league in fantasy football kicker points. This is why we don’t take Kickers before the last round!

 

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2009 Fantasy Football Will & Won’t Predictions

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