A Minor League Baseball Team Is Selling a Terrifying Bacon Doughnut Hot Dog

I’m not going to blame America’s obesity problem on insane minor league food promotions. The Moby Dick fish sandwich is not the No. 1 reason for our eternally expanding waistlines (I put that on Rangers Ballpark). 

What I will do, however, is say the Wilmington Blue Rocks, a Single-A affiliate of the Kansas City Royals, are running the edge of a flubber-y blade with their latest concoction: a glazed doughnut collapsed around meat and jam.

ESPN’s Darren Rovell tweeted out a picture of the dog. The yet-to-be-named creation is a hot dog covered in bacon and raspberry jam—all encased in what Rovell calls a Krispy Kreme “donut bun.”

As mentioned, the Blue Rocks don’t have a name for this meaty confection just yet and are asking for ideas. 

I suggest “the Groanut,” because one of these bad boys coupled with two Bud heavies equals you on the floor, instantly hungover and wallowing noisily in that hellish no man’s land beneath the stadium seats.

But here’s the truth: These glazed misdemeanors are going to be wildly popular. Doughnuts? Check. Bacon? Sprinkled on via wood chipper. Something else to add another “I can’t believe you’re eating that!” dimension? Hose on the jam!

Enjoy your Groanuts, guys. Just please have a spotter available to catch you as you whimper and pass out in a pile of sugary meat sweats.

Dan is on Twitter. He realizes now the Brunch Burger was just a gateway doughnut.