Roger Federer Public Service Announcement (Humor)

Robert OrzechowskiAnalyst IAugust 7, 2009

WIMBLEDON, ENGLAND - JULY 05:  Roger Federer of Switzerland kisses the trophy after victory during the men's singles final match against Andy Roddick of USA on Day Thirteen of the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club on July 5, 2009 in London, England. Federer won 5-7, 7-6, 7-6, 3-6, 16-14.  (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

Roger Federer has come out with a public service announcement on changing babies' diapers.  The camera hones in on Roger and then pans out where he is in the middle of his crying twins, both in need of a diaper change. 

Roger Federer:  Hi Everybody.  I am here to talk to you about the importance of changing your baby or babies' diapers.  I have with me here Charlene and Myla. 

Say hello to everyone, girls (babies continue to cry). Right, OK, let's continue on.  First thing that is important is to assess that the babies need their diapers changed. 

I am looking at them right now and they are crying like I lost the Australian Open all over again.  If we look at the diapers, we see that they are puffed.  This is similar to when I check the tennis balls to see which ones are puffed.  Those ones will be slower so I chuck them away.

So we have to chuck these puffed ones away too.  Before we do that though, we need to get the new diapers ready.  These two new ones are ready to replace the old ones much in the same way, I replace my racket when new balls are being introduced. 

Not much different than tennis is it?  Next we unwrap the old diapers and remove them. 

Be prepared to smell...OOhhhh...a not so nice odor.  Wow...that reeks worst than a Karlovic volley.  

We take the diapers off and roll it into tennis balls.  Put them on the side and wipe all the excess dirt from the bums.  Then after a thorough cleaning apply the appropriate cream.  This is soothing like a post-match massage. 

Next, take the new diapers and place it under them and tape them up tighter than Rafa's knees.  By this time, your baby's tears should disappear to happy times again.  It's like seeing their daddy win his 20th Grand Slam! 

Here comes the fun part.  Take out your racket and pick up the rolled soily diaper.  Throw it up in the air and swat it to the garbage can in the corner. 

Make sure the diaper is tightly sealed otherwise your serve will result in there being sh** on the walls and Mirka will definitely break my serve.  If your serves are well-placed, you will hit the open garbage can everytime. 

Finally, pick your baby or babies up one by one and kiss them much like I do when I kiss my trophy after I have won a Grand Slam. 

Tune in next week when I will demonstrate how to burp my babies and then give them both a bath in my new French Open trophy.