Gabrielle Union is glad fiance Dwyane Wade is staying in Miami.
After all, it’s where he came to fame and where he forged his legacy, and leaving would mean abandoning their home. Even worse, she would have to get a new driver’s license, which means standing in line at the modern American hellscape that is the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Union showed approval for Wade’s new contract with the Miami Heat on Tuesday by Instagramming a picture of Wade standing in front of the Heat's three championship banners.
She captioned the image "#HeatLifer #Sacrifice … And have you ever had to go to the DMV and stand in those long ass lines to change your license?!! We ain’t movin NO WHERE!! Lol…"
One of those things is not like the other.
Being happy you don’t have to uproot from a franchise is a shade different than being grateful you won’t have to stand in a room full of apathy and stranger breath.
Then again, you can’t say Union is wrong.
Waiting at the DMV is the civic version of waterboarding, except the water is body odor and the rag over your face is government inefficiency. Time slows to a crawl, and you leave screaming for fresh air and people you don’t actively despise. It is the opposite of a good time.
So, good for Wade. Way to stay loyal to your city and avoid a day rubbing elbows in hell’s waiting room.
Follow me on Twitter for more sports and pop culture news.