Always plunder the lox.
If there’s one piece of knowledge to take away from ESPN’s newest “This Is SportsCenter” ad, it’s that Andrew McCutchen loves his brined salmon.
The Pittsburgh Pirates outfielder recently made his first ESPN commercial appearance, leading a band of pirate mascots on a daring raid into John Anderson’s breakfast meeting.
McCutchen’s crew consisted of Pee Dee the Pirate of East Carolina, Captain Fear of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Seton Hall Pirate. They showed no mercy whatsoever as they stormed into the gathering and ransacked its bounty of tasty vittles. The Seton Hall Pirate even grabbed Anderson’s presentation board, which could be bartered for grog or other booty.
Like any captain worth his salt, McCutchen appeared in the midst of the pillaging with a parrot at his shoulder. He and Pittsburgh’s Pirate Parrot were quick to ensure no valuable treasure went unlooted.
After a quick survey of the scene, McCutchen spotted the crown jewel of the feast.
“The lox,” McCutchen said. “Plunder the lox.”
And that, my friends, is how you make a commercial. McCutchen delivered his brief lines perfectly, sealing the deal on a spot Pittsburgh Pirates fans are sure to love.
The ESPN ad isn’t the only solid commercial McCutchen has made over the offseason. Earlier this March, PlayStation released a commercial for MLB 14 The Show starring the National League MVP.
Titled “Baseball is Better Than Babies,” McCutchen explained to fans the many reasons why America’s national pastime is superior to bawling infants.
Baseball is better than babies. People don’t pay thousands of dollars to watch babies every year. That would be weird—and crippling to the babysitting industry.
People pay good money to watch athletes like McCutchen, whose play on the field and sense of humor has him on the cusp of becoming a household name.
Get used to seeing Andrew McCutchen, American public. He’s got the game and the acting chops, and he’s well on his way to stardom. Now if we can only get him to stop pillaging our huevos rancheros…
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