NFL Draft: And the “Brady Quinn” Award Goes to Matt Ryan

Jacob SloanApr 25, 2008

It's fitting that it would go to another quarterback, don’t you think?

Matt Ryan is probably getting the cold sweats as he reads this article. Yes, I know he reads my articles, because someone has to summarize for Darren McFadden in the Green Room on draft day.

As I pointed out in the rankings of my latest round up of mock drafts, the media and scouts aren’t putting Matt Ryan at the top of many lists. Being the top quarterback is not enough.

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Ryan has been touted as the only franchise-worthy quarterback to come out of the 2008 draft class. Despite that title, teams are worried about drafting him.

Quarterbacks just aren’t carrying the good name they used to back in the day, and everyone is worried that they will run off to Mexico with some hot blonde or supermodel, host kegger parties in their hot tubs or head butt windshields in their downtime.

You can’t even trust them when they are sitting at home with a few friends. That’s no way to win fans or win games.

In his days at Boston College, Ryan did it all, but the 2008 quarterback class is weak. Jake Long could eat every single quarterback in this year’s draft. Luckily, his job is to protect them.

The St. Louis Rams only want quarterbacks who have at least one concussion or a severe upper body injury under their belt, so Ryan doesn’t have a chance there unless he rams himself into the wall of the Green Room after he doesn’t go first overall to Miami.

The Vick-less Atlanta Falcons would just love a Prince Charming like Ryan to come in a sweep them off the floor of the dog fighting pit with his squeaky clean image, but they are scared of this quarterback class.

They’d apparently rather put their hopes in Chris Redman than take Ryan. They know they’ll be back near the top of the draft in another year when a much better class of QBs will be hitting the pros. Why spend a top pick when you can spend another year wallowing in self-pity?

The Oakland Raiders would take Ryan if he could run a sub-4.5 40 — no luck there.

Kansas City could save him, but Matt Ryan would probably remove himself from that one by running his head into the wall of the Green Room.

There’s no hope for any quarterback in Kansas City until they figure out what those big guys that stand in front of them are supposed to do. Brodie Croyle would welcome a breather, but I think KC will pass.

Now the Jets could use a quarterback with some promise. Unfortunately, by the sixth pick, McFadden will probably have gotten through the instructions on how to walk up to the stage. The little Mangini is looking for more of a miracle than a dependable quarterback.

New England. Yeah, only if he could hold a camera.

Baltimore is Matt Ryan’s last city of salvation. Being in the Green Room until the eighth spot isn’t so shabby, but hey, Baltimore might get ballsy.

Figuring he would be off the books much sooner, the Ravens could just move on to address other issues — although having no starting quarterback is a pretty large issue — and dare to take one of their lesser quarterback prospects in the second round like a Brian Brohm or Joe Flacco. Very daring, but possible.

If Ryan makes it past Baltimore — which is doubtful — he will probably curl up into the fetal position in the back of the Green Room, and Jake Long won’t be there anymore to hold him. Even Vernon Gholston will be out of there by then. Who knows who would take him at that point.

He could make it all the way to Detroit. Who wants to be Jon Kitna’s new friend? You get to train under him on how to set unrealistic team goals, offend coaches and get creamed.

No matter what happens, it looks Ryan will be the man who gets to count ceiling tiles and twiddle his thumbs in the Green Room longer than any of the other big boys that accompany him.

Hold out your arms, Matt Ryan, because the “Brady Quinn” Award for bravery in the line of shame is coming your way. I will airmail it to you tonight. The trophy is a used and abused jock strap that you must wear under your suit in the Green Room.

Please do try not to look squirmy when you itch. People will only feel worse for you.

Good luck, Matty boy, and bring a Nintendo DS. You can fend off the hot tears of shame with Nintendogs.