How to Pull off a Great Sports Photobomb
As a fan, there's not a lot you can do to put your mark on a professional sporting event.
If you want to outshine the game's elite athletes, you either have to catch a home run ball with your beer, run through the playing field naked or photobomb.
Since the first two are fairly self-explanatory, I'm going to focus on the willful vandalization of still images and video, aka "the photobomb."
This is a step-by-step lesson on how to crash a photograph.
Step One: Stake out a Good Location
This goofball has the glazed-over look of a madman and he's leering ominously over Erin Andrews' shoulder.
In sum, Lurch is positioned to not only make a goofy face, but exhibit a subtle piece of performance art as well.
Like real estate, photobombing is all about location.
Step Two: Turn Up
When it comes to ruining someone else's photo with a self-indulgent, unsolicited freak-out, it's important to be excited.
A 24-ounce Red Bull will usually set the body's phasers to fun, but sometimes you need something more, like a Four Loko paired with some dubstep music.
Please remember to photobomb responsibly.
Step Three: Be Creative
The photobomb is a relatively new art form, which means that most of the creative space is uncharted territory.
Make your mark on the world. Do something extraordinary.
Step Four: Stand out from the Crowd
Subtle photobombing is like sneaking into a Daughtry concert: It's not worth the effort, even if it works out.
There are two types of people in the photobombing game: the ones who go all out and the ones who don't matter.
This guy in the neon body sock understands.
Step Five: Dress to Impress
The above picture would be half as hysterical if Craig Sager were wearing a heather gray suit by Hugo Boss.
In the same vein of standing out, an ostentatious outfit can do wonders for your ability to photobomb.
Oh Mr. Sager, you are a hoot!
Step Five (Addendum): Or Don’t Dress at All
It's like dressing to impress, but with a twist.
Step Six: Don't Overthink Things
Like potato salad and Nicolas Cage movies, a photobomb is oftentimes best when approached in a simple way.
If you're someone who freezes in high-pressure situations, then just stare menacingly into the camera until asylum employees escort you from the stadium in a straitjacket.
There's no shame in taking it back to the basics.
Step Seven: Remember: Timing Is Everything
The photobomb is pure comedy, which requires tragedy and timing.
This photo has tragedy in the form of two adult men wearing the names of other adult men on their backs, and timing in the form of an affectionate neck kiss from Tim Duncan.
When added together, these two components equal LOL.
Step Eight: Put on a Show
If we've learned anything from "Gangnam Style" parodies, planking and the cinnamon challenge, it's that the Internet moves faster than a redlining Lamborghini Veneno.
If you want your photobomb to have an extended shelf life, you have to pull out all the stops.
Good luck out there.
Step Nine: Do Something Bone Chillingly Scary
So, you're not a stuntman or particularly creative. That's okay, my friend, you still have incredible photobomb potential.
By ogling the camera like a bloodthirsty leopard seal (see above), one can exude the menacing aura that all perfect photobombs require.
Step 10: Show No Fear
There are a lot of intimidating obstacles in the sports world that might deter you from an epic photobomb, like crazed mascots and hot cheerleaders.
Don't let crippling anxiety prevent you from becoming an Internet sensation.
Step 11: When in Doubt, Just Drop Your Pants
This isn't just a photobomb lesson; it's life coaching.
If the boss puts you on the spot during a board meeting and you don't have the answers, simply drop your pants.
If you're on a first date and your credit card gets declined at dinner, drop 'em.
If you're standing between a pair of announcers on live TV...you know what to do.
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