If you haven’t met Frank Grizzle-Malgrat, please allow me to make the introduction.
Known to fans in ‘Noles Nation as Red Lightning, Grizzle-Malgrat is a ball boy for the Florida State Seminoles and perhaps the most interesting man in college football who has never played a moment in any game.
While he may at first appear to be some sort of ageless wonder-elf, Grizzle-Malgrat is very much a college student. The 21-year-old is often spotted streaking up the sidelines like a greased bottle rocket, although a recent, post-BCS title game sighting has placed him in a new context—completely still, with female company in tow.
Indeed, Red Lightning was seen popping buttons and letting his freak flag fly in the aftermath of FSU's win over Auburn in the final BCS title game. His entourage consisted of two female 'Noles fans, who seemingly wanted nothing more than to feel the rich, garnet carpeting of his manly physique.
This singular moment in FSU history was noticed by Ty Duffy of The Big Lead, and it supports the idea that every member of Florida State’s football program had a hand in bringing home the Crystal on Monday night.
Red Lightning was also seen leading the Seminoles crowd in the Tomahawk Chop after the title game. Suffice to say, he gave the old tradition his own twist.
Despite Jameis Winston and other talents returning next season, questions remain to be answered regarding Florida State’s chances to repeat as national champions in 2015—a possibility highly contingent on the return of Red Lightning.
The future appears to remain up in the air for the young ball boy, considering members of the NFL have taken keen interest in the fleet-footed squire.
While his early departure would stagger the program and leave ‘Noles Nation in shambles, it may be time for him to take his game to the next level.
I’m not entirely sure how ball boys are selected in the National Football League, but one can only hope there’s a combine or Billy Madison-esque decathlon involved.
If there is such a contest, I project Red Lightning to perform at the top of his class and emerge a consensus first-round pick for the Houston Texans—a franchise in dire need of a difference maker who can hold onto the ball.
Red Lightning: The Red Baron of ball boys.