Hell in a Cell 2013: Burning Questions and Final Projections
Hell in a Cell is WWE's second pay-per-view this month. Hope you saved up your money!
We have the return of John Cena, perhaps the final chapter of Paul Heyman and CM Punk and El Torito probably ramming his head into Zeb Colter's backside once more.
That's worth $50 right there!
There are so many unanswered questions (first off, why is R-Truth on the poster when he isn't even on the show?), that it's time to do our best to answer them.
It's also the perfect opportunity to predict the winners of the event.
I went 7-0-1 last month (the one belonging to the non-finish to Bryan vs. Orton), bringing my lifetime pay-per-view prediction record to 64-17-2.
It's time to put that all on the line as we take one last look at Hell in a Cell.
Curtis Axel vs. Big E Langston
Burning Question: Is it officially time to label the Curtis Axel experiment a failiure?
Match Outlook: Axel is pretty solid, if unspectacular, in the ring and Langston is still finding his footing. It's not a bad match to have on the pre-show, but it's doubtful to entice viewers who were on the fence to actually order.
Final Projection: Langston (75 percent).
This is a bit of a tricky match to book. Langston shouldn't lose, as it's far too early into his babyface run. Axel, on the other hand, has lost virtually all the momentum he ever had.
It may be time to end the Heyman/Axel pairing, so let's go with Big E winning the match. Don't rule out a DQ, though, just to delay Big E winning a title for a little longer.
Los Matadores vs. the Real American
Burning Question: How hard will the announcers laugh when El Torito hits Zeb Colter in the butt again?
Match Outlook: It will be a little refreshing to not have to watch Los Matadores take on the 3MB for the 40th time. However, their act doesn't appear to have caught on yet.
The Real Americans, though, seem to be gaining a better crowd response every week. A double turn would be ideal but incredibly unlikely.
Final Projection: Sadly, Los Matadores (90 percent confidence).
Zeb Colter will probably try to interfere in the match, and El Torito will pull some WWE z-grade comedy that will lead to the finish. The children in the audience will cheer, while everyone over 12 will just be depressed and wonder why they ordered the show in the first place.
CM Punk vs. Ryback and Paul Heyman
Burning Question: Has it ever been acknowledged that these two fought at last year's Hell in a Cell?
Match Outlook: While this is doubtful to be a classic pure wrestling match, it should still be a lot of fun. Punk will be able to hold up his end of the match, and hopefully Ryback can do the same.
It's too bad that WWE frowns on bleeding these days, as this match could use some all-out TV-14 brutality if it truly is the final chapter to Heyman and Punk's lengthy feud.
Final Projection: CM Punk (90 percent confidence).
The CM Punk vs. Paul Heyman feud has been pretty solid, but it's time to move on. WWE should give Punk the win and let him finally get his hands on Paul.
Pay-per-view buyers have been taken advantage of the past couple months, so giving them a feel-good moment would be what's best for business.
AJ Lee vs. Brie Bella
Burning Question: When will either of the Bellas learn to deliver a convincing dropkick?
Match Outlook: Expect five to seven minutes of forgettable action for this one. AJ is pretty decent in the ring, but Brie has just never shown she is capable of delivering a compelling match in her entire WWE career.
There's bound to be interference in this one. The main question is which bodyguard, or sister, will play into the finish.
Final Projection: Brie (65 percent confidence).
On SmackDown, Brie was left lying, so wrestling logic says that she'll get her revenge. WWE also keeps trying to get fans invested in a babyface Brie, but it's not catching on.
Still, management may decide it's time to go all-in and give her the gold.
Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena
Burning Question: Is John Cena really back for good?
Match Outlook: Cena and Del Rio have had some pretty solid matches in the past, and it will be interesting to hear the crowd's reaction for Cena. Will he receive a hero's welcome? Or will he immediately be showered with boos?
If he's near 100 percent, the two should be able to put on an entertaining match that just may get the best crowd reaction of the night.
Final Projection: John Cena (65 percent confidence).
I'm not entirely ruling out Cena taking a big beating from Del Rio just to keep him out of action for a little longer to heal. That would be pretty underhanded by WWE, though, so let's go with another feel-good moment tonight with Cena winning the heavyweight title.
Cody Rhodes and Goldust vs. the Shield vs. the Usos
Burning Question: Will you never, ever forget the name of...Jey Uso?
Match Outlook: The Rhodes brothers haven't gotten a lot of mic time since winning the gold, and The Shield have received virtually none. So basically, the storyline is pretty weak.
The match though should hopefully deliver a lot of exciting action. If there's a clean finish, it has the potential to be the best match on the show.
Final Projection: Rhodes and Goldust (70 percent confidence).
It seems too soon to give the titles back to The Shield, and the Usos still aren't over enough to give them the straps. Let's go with Goldust and Goldust Jr. holding onto the titles for a little while longer until their inevitable split.
Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan
Burning Question: Is Good ol' HB Shizzle joining The Authority?
Match Outlook: These two always put on a good match, but it's time for this feud to end. Bryan and Orton have been overshadowed by Triple H and Big Show for too long. It's time to break away.
Even though no one is supposed to get inside of the cell, expect a lot of interference in this one. Hopefully WWE gives its paying customers the clean finish—and the new champion—that they deserve.
Final Projection: Bryan (60 percent confidence).
WWE seems to be hinting that HBK is going to turn heel and screw over Bryan, but what would be the point? The company doesn't need another heel authority figure that can't wrestle, and turning the fans against Michaels would be a tough task at this point.
Let's go with Bryan winning the WWE title and Cena winning the heavyweight title to give The Authority really something to rage about.
Well, those are my predictions. How about yours? Who's ordering the show tonight? Sound off below and thanks for reading!