MLB Notes: A Salute to the Big Guys

With the Mets languishing at 2-4, it's time to break out the big, scary-looking words like "languishing" and then turn my thoughts in happier directions.  I have in mind a salute to sluggers, a star-spangled selection of comments involving extremely large men who swing the heavy lumber. 

Besides the obvious alliterative advantages, this is a guaranteed cure for the blues, unless you happen to be a left-handed junkballer getting by at the league minimum, in which case these fellows are likely to be the last thing you see before catching your bus to Toledo or Pawtucket.

1. The most positive sign I take from yesterday's soul-destroying loss to Philadelphia, besides the revelation that New York governor David Paterson is a genuine Mets fan, is that Carlos Delgado seems to have his stroke back.  When Delgado is whipping the head of the bat around in that vicious, not to say murderous arc, he can be the difference between a Mets order that can survive until Moises Alou returns and one that cannot. 

I'm so excited about Delgado's improved look at the plate, I'm not going to hold yesterday's game-changing throwing error against him.  I mean, it was the Phillies.  We were bound to screw things up some way.

2. Speaking of the Phillies, my next shout-out goes to the Phillies' Ryan Howard, whom a friend of mine has called the worst-looking all-around ballplayer in the league.  He looks inept on the field, on the bases, and whenever he's not making contact.  Then he doesmake contact, and the baseball shows up on several prominent satellite tracking systems. 

This is reason enough to love a player, although personally I'm holding a grudge over his superseding David Wright as the cover athlete in MLB '08: The Show.

3.Besides, I'm saving my All-Star vote for another young slugger.  Prince Fielder is officially the first good reason to watch a Milwaukee Brewers game since Paul Molitor.  You could say "since Yount" according to taste, but Yount was more of a straight man, if you will, the Abbott to Molitor's Costello. 

Not that I expect the Brewers' first baseman to put together a 39-game hitting streak anytime soon, but really, Cecil Fielder turning out to have a son with a sweet left-handed swing and a cooler name is just an embarrassment of sports-related riches.

4. But it wasn't Fielder I watched last night; it was the Toronto Blue Jays and Frank Thomas, who remains an extremely large man at the approximate age of 67.  He launched a home run to center that reminded me why he's been one of my favorite players for the last 15-plus years.  He's got that Mike Piazza-style lumberjack swing, with the added element of freakish patience that allows him not to twitch until the pitcher consents to throw the ball exactly where he wants it. 

Sure, all the walks are a little boring, but I love to watch an artist at work.  You'd think more young players would grasp the fundamental truth proved by Thomas, and on the pitching side by Greg Maddux: The single most important element in baseball is control of the strike zone.  Everything else is gravy.

(But what do I know?  As a fledgling softball player, my signature move was the ever-popular Flail at an Outside Pitch, Tap it Weakly Down the Baseline, Then Slide Into First Base Like a Moron play.  So I'm not exactly a walking instructional video. I'm just saying, Frank Thomas is.)

5.This last one doesn't involve sluggers, although I can toss in a reference to Boog Powell, Bob Hamelin, or even Sam Horn if it makes you feel better.  Have you ever noticed that any baseball team, whether or not you otherwise like them, becomes 67 percent cooler when they're beating the Yankees? 

Kansas City turned the trick last night, elevating them to the status of my second-favorite club until such time as the Bronx Bombers become angry and pound them into Swiss steak, which could happen as soon as tonight.  If, on the other hand, they're able to extend the streak to two in a row, I'd be willing to put a poster of Zach Greinke up on my wall. 

Just thought I'd make the offer...