Go Ahead, Ask Me (Week Of April 27, 2009)

Robert OrzechowskiAnalyst IApril 30, 2009

KEY BISCAYNE, FL - MARCH 29:   Marat Safin of Russia reacts while playing a match against Gael Monfils of France during the third round of the Sony Ericsson Open at the Crandon Park Tennis Center on March 29, 2009 in Key Biscayne, Florida.  (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

Dear Sar Casim:

What would Roger Federer do if he lost the French Open a) before he reached the final and b) if he lost in the final?

Options: Would he shed tears? Would he applaud the victor? Would he throw his racket? Would he smile and say "next time?"


Saraswathi Sirigina

From West Virigina, USA

Dear S.S.

Not only do you give me two questions, but you also give me "options" too!  I feel like I just entered a car dealership.  

Let's take a look at your questions first.  What would Roger Federer do if he lost the French Open before he reached the final?

This is a tough question.  Being an expert and watching tennis for many, many years, I seemed to have developed a keen eye for these things.  Let me run this down in the perspective of a seasoned pro. 

Upon losing the last point of the match, I would surmise that Federer would make his way toward the net to greet his conqueror.  He would then shake his hand and depending on how close of a friend his victor is, maybe even a half of a man-hug. 

He would then proceed with the victor to the ump chair and shake his hand.  Thereafter, he would head towards his chair and pack up his racket and equipment, string it around his shoulder and make for the nearest exit.

Upon waving to the crowds, he might sign a few balls if he is not too upset. 

Your second question: What would Roger Federer do if he lost in the finals?  This is a more challenging question and requires a bit more thoroughness.  Roger would do exactly the same thing as the first question but instead would have to hang out for the award ceremony.

He would be the first to get his runner-up prize and cheque.  He would even get to make a speech and maybe shed a tear upon which he would have to step back and let the Champion have his due.  (See Australian Open 2009 for an example). 

As for your options, I would hope that Federer would use all of them.  Let's assume that Nadal won and Roger was runner-up.

Roger would "shed a tear" and then "applaud the victor".  As Nadal started to bite into his trophy, Roger would then "throw his racket" at Nadal. 

Nadal would then turn and glare at Roger.  Roger would then "smile and say "next time"."

Dear Sar Casim,

I have always wondered why Marat Safin has been unable to win matches where he was clearly, well uh, winning big to begin with. Do you think his sister's #1 ranking now intimidates him? Or is he just on the ATP Tour so he can take trips to foreign lands every now and then? What do you think he will be doing career-wise when he retires at the end of the year?


Maratiz Amaniac

Dear Maratiz Amaniac

Ok, there is only room for one person with a smart-a** name and since you are not the one writing this column, um.....it's not you. 

Now, let's get to Marat Safin.  Safin has been unable to fulfill his own potential because...well.... you see.... umm.....uhh....eh......it's because....you know what?  I really don't know and I don't care. 

If the guy could actually stick around for a dozen anger management classes, he might actually have the power to focus on his tennis. 

I could not believe you asked me about his sister's number one status "intimidating" him.  Yes I believe that Marat looks at the women's rankings with awe.  Because to his even-tempered mind, women are the stronger sex.

It has gotten so bad that every-time his sister calls him, he cowers into a little ball in the darkest corner that he can find. 

Also, the day he showed up at a tournament with two black eyes?  You guessed it, that was the last time he saw his sister and trust me, there was no trace of any scars or marks on her.  I rest my case. 

What will Marat be doing after he finishes with tennis?  Why, whatever his sister wants him to do ...of course!

Sincerely (Ha!)

Sar Casim

NOTE:  I do have an email address, people.  It is sar-casim@hotmail.com  Email me your questions and directions as to where you can send me money.