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As I drove home to Massachusetts to visit my family for Easter, I found myself with a dying IPod battery and plenty of time to reflect on life...

Kevin Durant: It's Cool, We Can Still be Friends

by Andrew Palumbo [HUMOR]

48

9,567 reads

Humor

April 03, 2008


As I drove home to Massachusetts to visit my family for Easter, I found myself with a dying IPod battery and plenty of time to reflect on life. And by life I mean the two things that are constantly on my mind: women and the Boston Celtics (and not always in that order).

I know what you’re thinking: "There’s no way Andrew's going to try to write a cheesy article loosely linking his relationships with women to the trials and tribulations of his favorite sports franchise." 

That, my friends, is where you’re wrong.

The following is my attempt to explain the complex relationship between Kevin Durant and this diehard Boston Celtics fan.

A year ago, the Boston Celtics were in the midst of one of the worst seasons in Boston sports history after crawling out of a franchise-worst 18-game losing streak. The C’s faced unbelievable injury problems, a seriously waning fan base, and—worst of all—virtual obscurity. The 2006-2007 Boston Celtics finished as the second worst team in the NBA with just 24 wins.

There was a light at the end of the tunnel though: a 6-9 college freshman (soon to become the National College Player of the Year) with an absurd wingspan and a truly sleek skill-set that comes along maybe once in a generation.

This young man's name was known by every member of Celtic Nation. Kevin Durant was the hope we had longed for since Bird retired, Reggie Lewis left us all too early, we were teased by Tim Duncan in the NBA Draft Lottery, and Len Bias nearly took every Celtics fan's mental well-being with him.

Somehow, some way, Durant would be ours!

While the rest of the country argued over who was better—Durant or the equally dominant college freshman, Greg Oden—some Boston fans began to do something that had never been seen in the Beantown sports scene: They rooted against their team.

Tragedy and fading memories of glory days will do crazy things to sports fans. In the words of Rick James: "Cocaine’s a hell of a drug."

May 22, 2007–"A Day That Shall Live In Infamy"

Did the Sporting News cover with Tim Duncan in Celtics green that came out the week before the draft jinx us? Was it the Sports Guy's horrible decision to watch "Déjà vu" the night of the draft lottery that was exactly 10 years after the Duncan tragedy?

Maybe it was the basketball gods dishing out a dose of karma to a loyal fan base that had done the unthinkable and pined for their team to lose games down the stretch.

Whatever the reason, Boston dropped to the fifth spot in the 2007 NBA Draft, and Celtics fans were left with that horrible gut-wrenching "not again" feeling. What happened next was this fan’s worst nightmare.

Rumors that Pierce wants out, having to read half-assed sports columns suggesting that the Celtics aren't half-bad if Gerald Green can mature and develop his mental game (yes, the same Gerald Green who is currently not on an NBA roster less than a year later), and waiting over a month to see what (nearly) useless consolation prize the team would pick up.

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48 comments Last one added about 1 year ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Matt Milless about 1 year ago

    What is wrong with you how do you come up with these genius stories! Who are you! Well done once again.

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  2. Safa about 1 year ago

    unbelievable, funny, and slightly homo-erotic.

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  3. Gagan Singh about 1 year ago

    come on now, gerald green's on the rockets. ;). and nice article.

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      That was, unfortunately for Gerald, very short lived. He was waived by Houston for a 10-day contract offer to Mike Harris (formerly of the Chinese Basketball Association). Gerald was only a Rocket for 15 days... pretty sad for a guy with so much raw talent.

      http://www.nba.com/nba_news/rockets_mikeharris_080308.html

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  4. JJ Stankevitz about 1 year ago

    Awesome read, Andrew.

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      Thanks JJ, I was a little worried at first about the idea. But it seemed to work alright once I was done (and got some help editing thanks to Bleacher Report of course).

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  5. Matt Bosley about 1 year ago

    Awesome story! Now I can't stop picturing Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett in drag like the Wayans Brothers in "White Chicks."

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  6. Mike Fay about 1 year ago

    Good read

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  7. Kerrie Wolf about 1 year ago

    Yet again, I'm impressed! I LOVE reading your articles! :-)

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  8. Andrew Kneeland about 1 year ago

    Great job. This gets my pick of the day vote.

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  9. andy miller about 1 year ago

    andrew, well done, as always. so many people forget and think the c's "should have" had oden. no, it is durant that "should have" been ours (memphis had the worst record, we were #2).

    i kinda like the c's team the way it is now....as always, cannot wait for the playoffs.

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      My sentiments exactly. I couldn't have imagined a better situation in where the Celtics became immediately relevant. The playoffs will be excellent basketball in the Western Conference and the Eastern Conference. My prediction is that the hardest matchup Boston faces in the East does not come from the team formerly known as the Detroit Pistons Dynasty or Lebron James and Delonte West (and whoever else they have this week), but instead the 76ers. These guys simply want it more than most teams in the east. They give Boston a run for their money in every matchup because at times, they've wanted those games more than Boston... and it showed.

      So you heard it here first... if Boston meets Philly, it'll take Game 6 to finish off the series. The rest of the C's Eastern Conference foes will be done in 5 or less.

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  10. Nate Deleon about 1 year ago

    Wow what a story lol...Bill Simmons Jr.?

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      Nate, how dare you throw around his name so lighty? But seriously, from one sports junkie to another that's a very strong compliment. Hopefully my own voice comes through in the piece and I don't sound like a wannabe. If anything I was worried it might come out a bit like a chapter of one of Chuck Klosterman's books (if you only know him from ESPN or don't know him at all, check out his stuff everyone).

      Also, if everyone hasn't read Nate's article on Derrick Rose and the state of the Knicks... I just read it before seeing his comment and highly recommend it: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/15889

      It's clear you're well-versed in your basketball/Knicks knowledge and have the ability to struggle through the tough years with a sense of humor. TRUST ME... I've been there! Keep it up Nate!

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  11. Zander Freund about 1 year ago

    What can I say that hasn't been said? Brilliant concept Andrew and wonderful execution. A highly deserving Pick of the Day.

    Honestly, this must have been a magical year for all of you out in Beantown. To go from having Antoine Walker hogging the ball and missing out on Duncan/Durant/Oden to fielding a competitive team ready to do damage in the playoffs must be a wonderful feeling.

    Best of luck to you guys in the post season! And Andrew: please do us all a favor and don't hold back from taking a risk with concepts such a this and utilizing the breadth of your creativity when writing.

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      Zander,

      It means a lot to hear such supportive words from you (and everyone else). I really never thought that I'd finally break through to get Pick of the Day on a off-kilter piece I came up with driving home sick with the flu. I wasn't really sure if it would work, but I knew that the place to test something out like this is a site like Bleacher Report where the readers are more than just casual sports fans.

      Trust me, I don't miss the Antoine Walker "shimmy" after finally hitting a three pointer (after bricking the previous 7) and it all seems to have worked out pretty well for our guys. If the Celtics have taught me anything it's that sports is completely unpredictable and that's why every year no matter what team I'm rooting for, "This is the year." I think it's that feeling that makes a forum like this so special to all of us that we can actually overlook something as serious as Red Sox-Yankees rivalries or Duke-UNC history to take the time and support one another, as well as add our own two cents into the mix. I can't thank you and the other guys enough for giving us all Bleacher Report!

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    • Zander Freund about 1 year ago

      We created Bleacher Report with people like you in mind Andrew...glad you are enjoying it so much!

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  12. Alex Kennedy about 1 year ago

    That was awesome. Keep up the fantastic work!

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  13. Timothy Croley about 1 year ago

    You know, in the end, sometimes the one you want and the one you need may be totally opposites, but the one you need always provides the fulfillment that the one you want could never provide.

    I think that makes sense?

    Anyway, enjoyed it – great read!!

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      I couldn't agree more Timothy. Part of the fun is chasing the one you want, until you realize that the one you need is so much better in the end. Of course you put it a hell of a lot more eloquently than I did, but I wanted to echo the sentiment.

      Thanks for reading Timothy!

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    • Timothy Croley about 1 year ago

      I think the article really speaks for itself, whatever eloquence I provided in my comment was simply inspiration from the article. I totally related to it!!

      It was my pleasure to read it. I thought it was great.

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  14. Max Iascone about 1 year ago

    good stuff... as a matter of curiousity... have you actually had the "girl that's into you is going to Reed College/Europe" experience? it kinda sounds like your speaking from experience, or maybe you're just good at this, either way this is some good work, keep it coming

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      Max,

      Can't say that I've had that exact experience, I took some liberties and implemented some hyperbole here and there. Thanks for reading

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  15. Anonymous about 1 year ago

    Hey Simmons called, he wants his style back...

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      He called?! And I missed it?? Jeez, you step out to go to the bathroom for a minute and Bill freakin' Simmons calls. Just my luck...
      You can't please 'em all.

      I guess all there is left to say is:

      "Big gulps, huh? All right! Welp... see ya later."

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  1. Kathy Palumbo about 1 year ago

    Andrew, great piece. However, I don't think I'd want to be you if Kevin D., Ray A., or Kevin G. doesn't find being compared to a hot girl as amusing!!! Congrats on the Pick of the Day! Keep writing - love your style!

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      Kathy, thanks for the support! At least I haven't ticked off Paul Pierce... I'm pretty sure by my logic he stayed out of the equation so he's still a dude. But even I'm not completely sure.

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  2. Marc Daley about 1 year ago

    Whatever "it" is you have it, man. You're very entertaining to read. Keep up the good work.

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  3. Anonymous about 1 year ago

    I hardly ever read the bold print man, but you sucked me right in. What a great article! You do have it. It is nice to know that someone else felt the lost, besides a "Longhorn" fan. Keep it up! You've got me for life.
    By Jerry

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      Thanks for the kind words Jerry. And thanks for sending the NBA Kevin Durant as quickly as possible. Sorry, but he's too fun to watch for him to only play about 30-35 games a year at college.

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  4. Pirate Soldier about 1 year ago

    are the celtics a basketball team? sounds like a D-Leauge team to me...

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      Much moreso than the Flyers are a hockey team (hey buddy, thanks for checking out the site)

      Question for you Dave... does your blood still run black [inside joke]?

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  5. Pirate Soldier about 1 year ago

    great story though

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  6. Nasser Kompani about 1 year ago

    Pretty close to my life at the moment so it was an enjoyable read. Good job :)

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      Thanks for checking out the article Nasser, I'm pretty sure everyone can relate to at least parts of the article. Not too many of the ladies on the site commented... hopefully it didn't offend them haha

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  7. Nasser Kompani about 1 year ago

    Pretty close to my life at the moment so it was an enjoyable read. Good job :)

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  8. Erick Blasco about 1 year ago

    I feel bad that I didn't read this article yesterday so I could've given it a pick of the day vote. Great read!

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      Thanks Erick, glad you liked it so much. You'll just have to catch my next piece. I should have one if the Celtics' bench beats the Bobcats tonight.

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  9. Kyle Zimmerman about 1 year ago

    Durant could be the next Kobe.

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    • Andrew Palumbo about 1 year ago

      Kyle, thanks for the read and comment. haha I'm a bit afraid to even mention the K-word on Bleacher Report as it usually leads to a diminished level of conversation. But I'd have to agree that out of all the young players in the league he definitely shows the most promise to become as competitive and dominant as Kobe. The key word there is "promise" though. Kobe's definitely proven it and Durant's got plenty of time to try to achieve the same. That's precisely why I wrote this piece and why I'm intent on following KD's career no matter what the front of his jersey says.

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