Dear Loyal Goons Fan,
Welcome to a new season of Leftfield Loons' baseball, and we hope to see you all out at the ballpark at some point!
We have a number of new promotions coming up this week as we face the 2nd Place team, End of the Dugout. So without further hesitation, feast your brains on these.
Wednesday, April 15
Emilio Bonifacio Bobble Head Night: All fans in attendance will receive a first-edition, right out of the box Emilio Bonifacio Bobble Head doll with the price of admission. The one lucky fan who "accidentally" receives a Kevin Slowey Bobblehead instead will be called on to sing the Goons anthem during the 5th inning.
Thursday, April 16
Let's Go Loons Reusable Grocery Bag Day: Any fans wearing green, black, turquoise or Oakley's will receive one of these highly-regarded grocery bags. These bags only will cost you 40 rupees at store price. The Loons Team Store may be found near the right-center skybox seats, 600 Level.
Friday, April 17
Geico Caveman Night and Flamethrowers' Fireblast Fireworks!: All fans in attendance will receive a complimentary Geico Caveman card and a stack of Monopoly money with plastic eyes. During the Geico 7th inning stretch, the 24-character Geico password will be announced and the fan who matches that password will receive free season tickets.
The Flamethrowers' Fireblast Fireworks will take place sometime during the game, as some employee will "accidentally" set them off at a randomly assigned time. The display has a scheduled run-time of 85 minutes.
Sunday, April 19
Goons' Barney the Dinosaur Replica Beanie: All children ages three and down will receive this authentic green beanie upon entering the stadium. Hurry while supplies last, only 25 and a half will be given out at the gates. Any fan who does not arrive early enough will receive a mail-in-rebate so they can possibly get their Goons' Barney the Dinosaur plush in a couple weeks. The cost is 20 rupees.
On behalf of the entire Leftfield Lunatic's staff, players, boosters, lifelong season ticket holders, vendors, stadium black cats, professional anthem singer Jeff Jimmerson, and the flock of geese who will be bombing Section 335 tonight, we thank you for your interest in Loons' baseball.
Let me also take this time to remind you that you will get a 30 percent discount off any seat when you present a valid city bus pass and a Baby Ruth candy bar at the ticketing window before the game.
General Manager Sergey Zikov