This article will debunk the seven most absurd January Premier League transfer rumours.
The aim of the article is to tackle transfer gossip that is absurd and to give you rational reasons why the transfers won't happen.
Don't hesitate to comment below with your own suggestions of transfer reports that make no sense.
According to John Cross at Mirror Football, Swansea City's deep-lying forward Michu is a January transfer target for Napoli and Genoa.
One of the reasons why the former Rayo Vallecano man has been so successful in the Premier League is because he floats in the space between the centre-backs and deep-lying midfielders. Another reason is because he is football's answer to the Trojan Horse.
He isn't an incisive threat. He completes 0.2 dribbles per Premier League game. He doesn't have the vision or passing ability to consistently thread key passes like Toni Kroos, either.
Opposing centre-backs aren't going to venture forward to mark him, while most deep-lying midfielders evidently haven't done a good job containing him.
Next thing you know, he's made a crafty run into the box and scores uncontested.
The Real Oviedo youth product has bagged 10 goals in 15 games. That's more goals in the EPL this season than Fernando Torres, Olivier Giroud and Andy Carroll combined.
Walter Mazzarri uses a 3-4-1-2 formation at Napoli, where Marek HamŠík is the "1." He operates in the same zone as Michu. They're not going to sign the Spaniard, not even as a support striker to Edinson Cavani, because it would stunt the development of Lorenzo Insigne.
With regards to Genoa, they've conceded three goals or more to Juventus, Roma, Napoli, Sampdoria and Chievo. They'll be looking for defensive reinforcements.
If Michu was still a Vallecano player, Genoa signing him seems more plausible because they would have farmed him out to another club to make some quick cash.
Sources have told Goal.com's Wayne Veysey that Atlético Madrid outcast Adrián López is a £14.6 million January transfer target for Arsène Wenger.
I know you're probably thinking it could be true, because Wenger saved the careers of Thierry Henry and Robin van Persie.
Le Professeur was aware of Thierry's untapped potential, which is why the Gunners signed Henry on the back of a disappointing spell at Juve.
Wenger worked with Henry at Monaco, the then-Juventus winger was a contributing member on France's FIFA World Cup winning squad and he was widely lauded as a once-in-a-generation talent.
William Gallas said (via The Sun): "All the coaches predicted a fine future for him [Henry]. He was so good, a prodigy. At 14, his future was laid out before him."
RVP cost £2.75 million, so he was a risk worth taking.
If Wenger signs Adrián for £14.6 million, it would be like signing Francis Jeffers for £8 million.
In 17 combined La Liga and UEFA Europa League games this season, Adrián has scored once from 26 shots. What is Arsenal's main problem? Finishing off chances.
Adrián's skill is undeniable, but there are plenty of footballers with potential and sub-par production.
Sercan Sararer comes to mind, because he has completed more dribbles in league play than Gervinho, Theo Walcott and Lukas Podolski combined. Yet, Sararer can't thread the final pass or put the ball in the back of the net.
There are calculated risks, and then there are crazy, all-in, pray the Hail Mary, hope-everything-is-alright-when-it-isn't deals.
Adrián, Fernando Torres, Andy Carroll, Bébé and Jean-Alain Boumsong fall under this category. Having learnt from the "fox-in-the-box" deal, Wenger won't sign Adrián for £14.6 million.
If the French manager does, it will be a tell-tale sign that he has lost it.
Roma will make a January transfer bid for Newcastle United right-back Danny Simpson, according to talkSPORT.
Average, mediocre, par, normal and expendable are accurate descriptions of Simpson.
Iván Piris has his faults—he had an awful game during Roma's 3-2 loss to Bologna, in particular—but he needs more time to settle in.
If Zdenek Zeman wants to give up on Piris, Sevilla's Cicinho is a far better transfer target than Simpson.
According to Andy James at the Daily Mail, Marseille forward Loïc Rémy is a £10 million transfer target for Queens Park Rangers.
A £10 million bid for a bench warmer? Child, please.
The reason why QPR have been linked with Rémy is because Bobby Zamora is injured until February and Djibril Cissé has been unable to convert his chances—he's only scored once in the Premier League this season.
If Harry Redknapp wants to wheel and deal, why not go for Rayo Vallecano's Leo?
Ian Ladyman and Simon Jones at the Daily Mail are reporting that Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers wants to replace Pepe Reina with Hannover goalkeeper Ron-Robert Zieler.
The pertinent question has to be asked: Does Rodgers want Reina out? No.
Here's Rodgers in his own words (via James Pearce at the Liverpool Echo):
I want to make it 150% clear because I’ve read about goalkeepers linked and him leaving. There’s nothing whatsoever in any of those stories about Pepe. Yes, he will admit it himself, he probably had a difficult couple of years but he now has a sense of his best years are in front of him, not behind him.
Even if the Reds were looking for Reina's replacement, why Zieler? He's a good keeper in a league filled with elite shot-stoppers.
If big clubs are looking to sign a Bundesliga goalkeeper, it should be Eintracht Frankfurt's Kevin Trapp.
According to Tutto Mercato (via CaughtOffside), Benfica goal scoring machine Óscar Cardozo is a January transfer target for Liverpool.
Cardozo is slow, doesn't press and offers no dynamism. Doesn't that sound like a current Hammer that has won 108 headers and taken 23 shots, yet has only scored once in the league?
Oh, that's right, the £35 million valued Andy Carroll.
Brendan Rodgers wants his three forwards to interchange, play free-flowing football and to pin defenders into making mistakes.
Cardozo and Carroll are what you call a square peg in a round hole for Rodgers' system.
According to Martin Lipton at Mirror Football, Chelsea will replace Fernando Torres with Metalist Kharkiv's 24-year-old Taison.
Except, Metalist's No. 9 is Jonathan Cristaldo, not Taison.
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