New York Rangers Need Some Help

The Rangers were very determined to sign Habib the Hobo Hashiesh to a 10-year, $25 million per year deal. 

Part of the deal was that Sather would send Henrick the king Lundqvist to be the Afghans' goalie for the remainder of his contract.

Lundqvist is the best goalie in the NHL and Sather thought he would do fairly well playing kick the bomb.

Habib, 69 years of age living in the mountains of Afghanistan has been playing kick the bomb for over 60 years now and has led in goals and assists through out his career. 

"He will be a real asset to the team," said Sather, "and we really need his help in scoring."

Sather went on to talk about Habib's playing ability.

"He is fast. I mean real fast. I never saw a guy with only one leg run so fast and he communicates great. So that shouldn't be a problem.

"He expresses himself very clearly. This is a player that loves the game. And sacrifices himself for the team."

"Just two years ago, with only five seconds left on the bomb's timer, Hashiesh kicked the bomb the whole length of the field, and as he was gasping for air with one second left on the timer he kicked it and the bomb went off taking his leg and pieces of the bomb threw the net. It was a game-winning goal.  We need a guy like that on this team."

Hashiesh promised to mail in his response to the Rangers' offer last week. 

With no teeth and no education, and unable to communicate in English, Hashiesh sent in this picture expressing his feelings about the deal. The picture tells it all. "Not in this life time," say Habib! 

In response to Hashiesh's rejection Sather said he was very disappointed that a deal could not have been made and he will continue to try to work something out in order to sign the Legendary Bomb Kicker.  Maybe throw in Gomez and Drury. I know how important it is to Habib that his team he is with now continues to win. I think he is worth it. Whats a Drury or a Gomez compared to a Habib Hashiesh.

Yes, they did it again. The great New York Rangers blow another game in the third period. This time came away empty handed as well.

If there is anything else you can think of that they can do to not make the playoffs, AND HELP EVERY OTHER TEAM IN THE LEAGUE . please send all ideas to Glen at Glen/RANGERSSUCK.COM Thank you.

Well they lost to the two worst teams in the league. Atlanta and the blues. So I guess any win now will just be what, a blessing?

When you out shoot the other team almost EVERY GAME. Out play them for 50 minutes out of 60. And you lose, AGAIN, and can’t win a game when the other teams goalie is more out of the net then in. You have problems.

In fact, it is at this point in time that what you really need to do is get rid of every dam player except for those who didn’t actually play in the game or that has not yet taken their turn to shoot and MISS  the empty net.

Maybe instead of the really big silver thing that they win at the end of the year if they are good enough. I think its called Lord Stanley's Cup. Maybe they should have a raffle or some kinda of giveaway. Like a stuffed animal or a goldfish. Maybe they will try harder and actually put one in.

I mean, really. Why would they wont someone else's Cup with all those other peoples' names on it, that actually drank from it?  I mean, it's used. How gross. Maybe flowers for the pansies.

In the last 17 games , the Rangers have actually won four games. I guess we should just be happy that they were able to win those four. Shoot, we should throw a party! Just might be the last four games they win at this rate.

What is it gonna take for the Rangers organization or Glen Sather to realize that the players he has just don’t have what it takes and they never did?

Gomez has scored more then 20 goals once in his career. That was two years before the Rangers signed him. The following year he scored 13 goals.

So what do we do?

We top off the cap because he scored 33 goals once in his career, so let's go run and sign him and talk like he is gonna score 33 or 50 goals for us. It will never happen, so forget about it.

The real joke here is why in the word did anyone think Wade Redden was gonna make a difference? I mean, he has only scored more then 10 goals in a season once in his 12 years as an NHL player. And the year before the Rangers signed him he only scored six goals. The year before that seven. I mean, real D-men like Mike Green score in a week what Redden scores in a year. 

Frankly, I think he should give the money back and play for what he is really worth. Play for free and be happy if they give him a jersey with his name on it.

So, as usually, what do the Rangers do? Top off the cap,  run after a washed up player, overpay his sorry ass—and he does what for them? NOTHING! As usual.

With all the really good defensemen that were free agents that year, the Rangers decided to pick the cat's droppings out of the litter box—Redden and Kalinin.

Kalinin, who in nine years of playing has only played the entire season once in his career due to injuries. So what do we do!

Holy cow, he has injuries, we have to sign him. Shit, we should have re-signed Lindros to add to the handicap team. Throw in a few wheelchairs and we might even win a damn game.

If you know of any other mentally-ill, injury-prone, washed-up, over the hill, or drug-addicted players (they are always fun to watch, especially when they are all coked up skating around checking everything that move) or really shitty players that have not played for the New York Rangers yet, please send your list to Glen/RANGERSSUCK.COM, so we can get them signed up right away. Thank you.

In fact, I have seen street hockey players in wheelchairs play better then them. Maybe Sather can bring them in to play the Avs on Saturday. i will call him today and see what we can do to make that happen.

Yes, I am ticked. Every year the same thing. We go after players that have one good year and expect miracles from them. Or washed up players that have had a downfall for three or four straight years. No names mentioned  Redden, Mr. Naslund. OH I AM SORRY. They are gonna play for the Rangers now. So they're gonna wake up better players then they actually are. Dream on.

But how can we complain when he is playing better then almost every one else on this team. which tells you just how terrible this team really is. I am sure we can make a spot for Chris Chelios, and maybe have an old timers game. I am sure more goals would be scored then there is now.

Voros, you are useless. Change careers. Try polo or something where you don’t have to move around too much.

Drury, the game is called hockey. You move around this big arena called a hockey rink with a hockey stick and hockey puck. The object is to hit the flat circular thing. That is the hockey puck. Into the net. The guy with all the pads on that is standing in front of the net. Well he is called a goalie.

When the goalie is nice enough to steps out of the way for you to shot the puck into the net. That does not mean stop and daydream about how you used to play outside your house and make snow angels when you played for Buffalo. It means shoot the damn puck in the net.

My all-time favorite player ever, Blair Betts. I tried so hard to give you some praises this year. Other then one scoring chance that you totally blew. You were invisible last night. You are 6'3" and 210 lbs, playing against guys 5'11" and 6'0". Get off your sorry ass and hit someone. Forget what ever you were ever taught. And listen to me±checking is actually legal in this sport. It is when you knock the other teams' players on their assess.

Other then boxing, kicking the daylights out of someone is also legal in hockey. You even get to stomp on people's ankles with the blade of your skate. They might say it's not legal. But you’ll only receive a few games' suspension. So really it is legal. As long as you don’t talk about your ex-girlfriend and how she smells or tastes. You’ll be fine. Try it some time. Toughen up or retire.

I love when Gomez gets the puck, skates full speed to the other end of the rink and crashes into the wall for no reason. That is hilarious. nothing funnier then watching a guy skate 90 mph and slam into a wall on his own. Keep up the great work Scotty.

Bottom line is this team really does suck. No, they weren't playing good earlier in the season. It was just that every team they beat was playing poorly. Now that every other team has gotten their act together, you are now seeing the Rangers AT THEIR BEST.  this is it. This is all they are capable of doing.  Get rid of everyone except Zherdev and Callahan and Orr, and start over.

I think every other player actually had their chance and missed the empty net from two feet away.

This is brought to you by one ticked off RANGER FAN. PLEASE LEAVE ALL RUDE, OBSCENE COMMENTS HERE. ANYTHING THAT EXPRESSES JUST HOW MUCH THE RANGERS SUCK WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. ALL OTHERS CAN JUST LEAVE NOW.