If you aren't getting drunk when you're watching sports, then you're not watching sports right.
But where's the excitement in just downing a few beers as time goes on? That's not nearly exciting enough for today's sports fan.
Here are 15 drinking games (of my own invention) to help make sports even more awesome.
This game is best played at a sports bar, as you'll need multiple TVs with Sunday Ticket.
The rules: Take a shot whenever a coach makes a stupid challenge.
But how will you know if the challenge is stupid? It's simple, just ask yourself the following question:
Was the coach who made it Andy Reid? Or any of the following coaches: Romeo Crennel, Brad Childress, Norv Turner, Herm Edwards, Norv Turner, Jim Caldwell, Pete Carroll or Norv Turner?
If the answer is yes, then you take a shot.
Take a shot every time Kobe Bryant takes a shot. Expect to be drunk midway through the second quarter. Expect to be dead by the final buzzer.
Every baseball team has a rally killer. For my New York Mets, it's Jason Bay. Take two shots every time he does something that makes you angry.
Take a shot every time an NBA star gets the benefit of the doubt on a questionable call. Best used on the Heat, Lakers and Thunder.
Take a shot every time a hockey player does something that would be considered assault or worse for a civilian. If you aren't fighting by the end of the game you aren't playing it right.
Take a shot every time an NBA draft pick's mom looks like she might weigh more than the player.
Take a shot every time Gus Johnson raises his voice. Or, if you're a lightweight, take a shot every time Gus Johnson speaks at a normal volume.
Last year, while watching both LSU vs. Alabama games, I noticed that seemingly every time Alabama struggled to move the ball the announcers would say something along the lines of:
"Remember, Julio Jones is NOT wearing an Alabama uniform today."
"Remember, Julio Jones is no longer in college as he is an NFL star for the Atlanta Falcons."
"Remember, Julio Jones, God's gift to the game of football, is currently quelling a terrorist revolution in South America and is therefore not playing for Alabama today."
It got to the point where I was legitimately wondering if someone was paying them to mention that Julio Jones was not in fact a current member of the Alabama football team.
Therefore, I invented "the Julio Jones."
You must be watching a college team that has lost a star player to the Pros within the last year. Take a shot every time that player is mentioned.
Take a shot every time someone makes a bad joke during an NFL pre-game show. Take another shot if there's awkward silence instead of fake laughter. I've noticed that this game works best with ESPN's pre-game show, followed by Fox, then CBS. Someone check out NFL Network for me.
Take a shot every time an announcer tells a personal story about a player that you really don't need to hear.
This game works best with veteran teams playing in big games. There are very clear boundaries. If, for example, Jeff Van Gundy validates a particular Kobe performance (say, a 4- point explosion vs. the Spurs) with a Jordan comparison, I don't have a problem.
However, when you start hearing things like "man, that Boobie Gibson looks like the next Oscar Robinson," then you take a shot. It doesn't have to be nearly that extreme; basically take a shot every time an announcer makes a completely premature comparison.
For those of you who don't love the NBA draft like I do, the best part (other than the heavyset mothers) are what I like to call Bilasisms. A Bilasism is when Jay Bilas praises someone for something that is rarely mentioned for anyone else.
My favorite example is length. There are literally only two basketball players in the world where an announcer might praise someone for their length. That's JaVale McGee and Anthony Davis. Yet Bilas finds a way to praise nine draft picks per year on their length. Wingspan is another popular Bilasism.
Take a shot every time you hear a Bilasism. If you want to live beyond that night, limit yourself to one or two shots per pick.
I actually can't take full credit for the invention of this game, as it has been pretty popular for a while. Still, it's by far the best draft drinking game. You should be passed out by the sixth pick.
You can only play this game when you're sure a player is retiring (or at least says he is). Take a shot every time the announcers mention that this is his last game. Take three shots if a standing ovation or chant of his name breaks out in the stadium. Intentionally skip the first five shots if the player in question is Brett Favre (because you know you'll be playing again).
There are several games you can play here:
- Take a shot every time someone Tebows
- Take a shot every time someone calls Tim Tebow "a winner."
- Take a shot every time a pass hits the ground.
- Take a shot every time someone mentions Tebow's religious beliefs.
I love that the league's most religious player can also be the cause of so much drinking. That's irony, folks.
Take a shot every time a Jets fan is shown at the NFL draft. Three extra shots if they're upset with who the Jets pick. 20 extra shots if they're happy about it.